Monday, April 19, 2010

You Know What's Awesome About George Lucas....NOTHING!!!

I was busy sharpening a scalpel for the upcoming job of slicing the skin from my arm until my Star Wars tattoos are gone when I came across a little tidbit that made me want to just rip the flesh right off the bone. Remember a few weeks back when it came out that George "Fuck The Fans" Lucas had decided to make a kooky sitcom that no-talent hack Seth Green would be working on? Well apparently the fist fuckings don't stop there because this isn't some stupid animated show that is douche chilling because of what it is..oh no...Lucas has taken cunt down a whole new door by deciding it will take place right after Return Of The Jedi and include the original characters.

Besides the fact that this is another shitty shitty idea from a man who seems to corner the market with them, the whole fucking premise makes no sense. Anybody who can read and enjoys a good sci-fi romp already knows what happens to the characters post Jedi thanks to the fairly awesome series of books. Luke starts training Jedis, Han and Leia have twins who become Jedis, Chewbacca dies, there's more Empire drama with Grand Admiral Thrawn replacing Vader as the big bad, plus Wedge rocks a comeback in the series about saving Courescant, etc etc. These books have been coming out for 15 or 20 years and have established the entire story of what happens post Jedi, so why do a TV show that'll fuck with it?

Oh wait, I know why, of course, because it's George Lucas, that's why.

He's already totally fucked the original trilogy with the new ones and ruined any hope Darth Vader had of being a lasting villain (NOOOOOOO ring any bells?) so it makes sense he'd fuck the whole new lineage just to turn a buck. No idea who might voice these characters but I'm betting the original folks will return. Whatever bestiality photos Lucas has of Harrison Ford that keep him returning to make Indiana Jones movies will certainly force him to do a voice. Mark Hamil will work for food, Carrie Fisher can be talked into anything with a meat sandwich and a bottle of Schnapps and since Anthony Daniels is probably tired of turning tricks under a bridge for rent money he'll be on board to.

In other Lucas news the whole Star Wars saga will soon be out on Bluray which means we can watch them suck in super awesome clarity.

I hate everything

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