Monday, November 30, 2009

THE ROAD - MY REVIEW



Let me start this whole thing by saying that The Road is one of my favorite books of all time. It began my love of Cormac McCarthy and I, like most, became very skeptical at the idea of a movie version. The book is so personal, so intimate that I couldn't see how filmmakers would be able to bring that to the big screen without getting caught in the trappings of "post apocalyptic" cliches. Thankfully director John Hillcoat has decided he'd rather make a wonderful movie than a money maker. The Road isn't going to be a huge hit because it is bleak, unforgiving and relentless. This isn't the post apocalyptic movie with a pocket of survivors building a new world or someplace where the sun still shines and the grass is still green. This is the end of the world as we know it and there is nothing to do but survive each day.

The Road tells the tale of a father (Viggo Mortensen) and son (Kodi Smit-Mcphee) trying desperately to make it further south to the coast where the father believes will be more hospitable living conditions. Through their journey the father is torn between teaching his son the harsh realities needed to survive and not driving the humanity from him completely. The world they venture through is a horrible place covered totally in ash where humans keep other humans in living storage to eat and trying to make friends could kill you. The boy and his father who are never given names exist solely for each other and that devotion is as much warmth as the movie allows you to have. Much like the father and son the audience lives only to see the world through their eyes.

The hardest part of adapting a book like The Road into a film is simply that, well, it isn't a book. In McCarthy's novel the focus between the boy and his father is so nuanced and written so poetically that you're allowed to forget the back drop. The human story is all there is and it never gets lost in the shadow of what post apocalyptic America must look like. Though writer Joe Penhall's screenplay is astonishingly good as well as pretty faithful it's still bringing the written word to the screen. No matter how intimate the shots or the scenes are it's still against a back drop that, now visible, is hard to ignore. This could've been an issue that sunk the picture if not for the performances which continue to bring the focus back to the relationships.

Viggo Mortensen and Kodi Smit-Mcphee keep The Road anchored to reality simply by allowing you to believe that what they see is simply their reality. They have now awe, no surprise, the horrors we are witnessing for the first time are common place to them. By keeping that sense of reality going the two actors are free to bring life to their relationship and they do it in spades. I've read some reviews that state Mortensen is one note through the movie but they either didn't see the film or slept through large chunks of it. I would also make sure you don't go to the restroom or you might miss where Robert Duvall steps on screen and does more in five minutes than most actors do in an entire movie.

The other thing that makes The Road work is how Hillcoat manages to weave striking imagery without beating you over the head with it. One of my favorite instances is when Mortensen and Mcphee are walking through a city and for a brief flash they're stepping over bodies with money all around them as well as watches and jewelry. It only lasts a millisecond but says so much on how fast things can change. That kind of imagery is all through the film as are powerhouse moments that grab your heart and squeeze it until you're chest hurts. If you watch the scene when Mortensen finally lets go of the memories of his wife (played admirably by Charlize Theron) and you're not moved then you should leave the theater and find out what time Old Dogs or New Moon is playing.

I've heard some critics say that The Road is too bleak and too unforgiving and that there is no hope in the movie and still others balk that there's too much humanity at the end because of a dog (yep, that's what they said). While they argue for snob points they've missed the point. The Road is exactly what an adaptation should be, the perfect blending of the written word and the visual medium. This movie could not have been the book simply because it's a movie so all liberties taken were more out of necessity than marketing. The Road manages to keep all the intimacy and humanity of the novel against this visual backdrop that would swallow lesser material. The Road is the first film in a long time that reminds me how once upon a time film was an artistic medium that had the power to change the world.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

THE TWO BEST VIDEOS I'VE SEEN IN MANY MONTHS



The first is a Muppet cover of Bohemian Rhapsody, the second is a Twilight movie I'd actually go see. No need for long explanations, just watch.






Thanks to Boing Bing and Topless Robot for these

PRO AND CON REMAKE NEWS....HOW BIZARRE



So there a couple or remakes in the works and oddly enough I'm not raging against both of them. Usually when I hear about a remake I start making with the mail bombs to send off to various Hollywood studios but not this time. Well, actually, I'll still be building half as many bombs but at least it's a start.

The first remake is The Crow and while the spineless corrupt and black hearted people on the "inside" claim it's not a remake (e.g. it's not Eric Draven) but a reboot I'm still going to have to put the big middle finger in this remakes face. First of all the original Crow was so good, so wonderfully done that the subsequent mouth raping sequels are not only bad but almost pure evil. Now when you mention The Crow few sit up and remember how good Brandon Lee was or how well the movie was executed, instead the snicker over the stink of the shitpile the sequels left. Now just to make sure a new era of kids can't discover the glory of the first Crow they're gonna reboot it (a term I fucking HATE) and shove the Brandon Lee movie down a garbage disposal forever. I hope this time the fake gun goes off and kills the people who thought of this idea instead of a good kid on the cusp of being a big star.




The second remake is for The Howling and I have to say I'm not unhappy about this one. I'm sure the old school faithful will want to spill my blood for this but let's be really really real and face the truth. The original Howling wasn't really all that good. Sure it was moody and weird but as far as being a quality film The Howling broke its leg almost right out of the gate on that one. Bad effects, a shoddy script and powerful bad acting led this to be little more than a B movie with a following. If Hollywood is hellbent on remaking a movie let them remake this one and maybe at least kick the werewolf transformations up a notch. Hopefully it won't be as bad as the New Moon transformations but who knows.

MORE BANG FOR YOUR DC DVD BUCK




So in what I think is a seriously kick ass move by DC Comics the next animated DVD "Crisis On Two Earths" will have a little more to it than the standard DVD extra palette. Namely an original animated short about non other than The Spectre. Here's the press release:

DC Showcase - The Spectre: The first animated short in the all-new DC Showcase series focuses on a detective story with an ethereal twist, featuring the otherworldly character originally introduced by DC Comics in 1940. The short is written by Steve Niles (30 Days of Night), and the voice cast includes Gary Cole (Entourage) and Alyssa Milano (Charmed).


Not only does it sound cool but I'm hoping it becomes a trend with DC for future DVDs. There's a whole wealth of smaller characters in the DC Universe that would be great to see brought to life. I'm also hoping if the stint with Smallville is successful that DC will do an animated JSA movie.

On another cool tidbit the 2006 Aquaman pilot (which sucked) and the Wonder Woman pilot will be available on the Bluray DVD of Crisis On Two Earths

Monday, November 23, 2009

ILLUSTRATED HISTORY OF BLACK FLAG LINE UP CHANGES


CLICK THE PHOTO TO SEE IT BIGGER

This is one of those things that just doesn't need an explanation. It's just incredibly awesome.

TRAILER FOR THE JSA SMALLVILLE STORY ARC



I have to say that Smallville has been getting better as it rockets towards this big JSA movie event on January 29th. The last episode before the bullshit hiatus actually kicked ass even featuring Lois Lane. Now comes the trailer with for the JSA event and I have to say, it looks pretty frickin awesome. Dig it



OH YEAH THAT'S SANDMAN IN THAT BITCH!!

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

LARRY CUBA REMINDS ME WHY I LOVED STAR WARS





It's been a few years since I've been able to call myself a fan of Star Wars mainly because I grew to loathe episode I-III so much. I also hated all the shit Lucas rained down on the special editions as well as many of his "improvements" on the original films. Watching this 70s video about how effects man Larry Cube created the simulation that Dodonna plays for the Rebel fighters before they attack the Death Star is so great and so genuine it reminds me why I loved those movies. Thanks to the folks over at Topless Robot for finding it.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

EDWARD WOODWARD PASSES AWAY.




The first time I ever saw Edward Woodward I was 15 years old and a friend of mine showed me The Wicker Man. After sufficient time to recover from watching it (if you've seen it you know what I mean) I became obsessed with the movie. A few years later Edward Woodward became The Equalizer and I instantly became hooked on the show. I was a kid getting picked on a lot so a show about a guy who would even the odds appealed to me right away.

During the second season The Equalizer started shooting constantly outside my building on the Upper West Side. I would constantly leave for school and watch huge trucks and people with headphones milling about getting ready to shoot the show. I would always look to see if I could find Mr. Woodward but I never saw him. One day I walked outside and there he was, just standing outside my building like it was no big deal. I walked right up to him and told him what a huge fan I was and how I loved the show and the Wicker Man.

He was so awesome, so kind and just stood there talking to me for ten minutes before he had to go off to shoot. I never saw him outside my building (though they continued to shoot there) but I never forgot that meeting. Sadly this was way before phones in cameras or even digital phones so I didn't get a picture. As the years went on I also became a fan of Breaker Morant and Mr. Woodward's other works.

He'd been kind of quiet over the years and as of yesterday he is no longer with us. He was a great actor and a kind man and I will always remember our talk outside my building.

VIEW HAWKMAN FROM SMALLVILLE




As the two or three of you who check out my blog know I've been rattling my saber pretty hard about how bad Smallville has been sucking this year. As I continue to watch it is getting better but the two big blisters on the big toe of the program remain formidable enemies to anything resembling the show being great. The first is obvious, Lois Lane, she sucks and is sucking the soul of the show out with her. The second is really the guy that's playing General Zod. He's playing it all wrong plus somebody needs to hold him down and give him a shot of the old "Over Acting Anti-Venom" because this guy is way too much right now.

Zod is a soldier, a planner, a strategist and a kick ass motherfucker. Callum Blue is playing Zod like a little bitch, a conniving princess who has more of a place on Gossip Girls than Smallville. This guy also tries to play ever scene like it's the final act of some Shakespearean tour de force. In short, like with Doomsday, he sucks balls as a villain. BRING BACK LUTHOR!!!!

But I digress....

The above picture is the first of Hawkman from the January 29th Smallville TV Movie featuring the JSA. As you can see Hawkman looks pretty much like, well, Hawkman which I find bizarre since Smallville prides itself on going outside the comics on the characters both origin and look. I think it looks cool and I'm also interested in what Dr. Fate looks like. I know I'm in the minority here but I'm amped for this episode.

I just wish they had brought Sandman to, think how cool he would've looked!!

Friday, November 13, 2009

RESERVOIR TURTLES




I know, I know, there's been a lot of video posting this week but that's not my fault, there's been a lot of cool shit out there to view. I disliked both the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle movie and Reservoir Dogs (once I found out Quentin Hackentino ripped it off of a Japanese film) but this version of those movies I would see. Dig it!!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

THE FIRST DECENT STAR WARS THING IN YEARS




Anybody who knows me knows I went from being the biggest Star Wars fan ever to wanting George Lucas dead in a stream. The abomination of Episode I-III has even managed to taint the original films for me. That being said I'm not above loving a Star Wars themed animated video that kicks ass. If you think "we got Death Star" was good dig this:


ALL NEW! Star Wars Gangsta Rap: Chronicles

OK THIS MAY THE MOST DISTURBING THING I'VE EVER SEEN



THERE ARE NO WORDS!!!


Hippie Weirdo Yoga Farmer - Watch more Funny Videos

SMALLVILLE JSA TWO HOUR MOVIE--OK WHAT THE FUCK?


THE SMALLVILLE JUSTICE SOCIETY OF AMERICA


Apparently the CW has announced that the Geoff Johns penned JSA Smallville story featuring Hawkman, Dr. Fate and a few others will not be a two parter but rather a two hour movie airing on January 29th. The CW has also said that they're giving the two hour movie a much bigger budget than originally slated. This new information is confusing but then all the weirdness going on outside of Smallville has been almost as dramatic as the show itself. It's as if the CW doesn't know exactly what to do with the show because while it may not be crushing in the ratings it is one of the few shows on the CW that's stood the test of time. I think the honchos over there would find it a real feather in their cap if they could give Smallville a ten season milestone before pulling the plug.

The problem is mainly that season eight and thus far in season 9 Smallville has sucked gigantic donkey balls (though I will admit I liked the episode involving "Speedy"). Part of what makes the show so expensive is Tom Welling (Clark/Superman) and his back-the-brinks-truck-up-to-my-door salary. Outside of that they have special effects and all kinds of shooting issues and so far haven't seen a huge return on it. Mainly the problem is that the whole "Blur" thing is lame, the big built up fights usually come across as seriously anti-climactic and of course the swollen puss filled canker sore named Lois Lane who now the show is starting to focus on.

However with all this going on CW maintains they want a tenth season, the actors say they're on board and with this two hour movie bigger budget deal whose to say what's right. One day Smallville is a ratings sink hole and we'll be lucky if season 9 doesn't end using sock puppets and cardboard cut outs and then the next we're looking at big budget JSA movies. Of course it's not like the CW has much more going on TV wise but still, I'd like to know if the show is coming back for a tenth season or not way before they shoot some cliffhanger they then can't resolve.

Oh and CW, wanna make season ten kick ass? Bring back Luthor and have Tess & Lois fight to the death and the winner gets to be killed. I'd much rather see Clark end up with Chloe anyway.

CRISIS ON TWO EARTHS ANIMATED MOVIE TRAILER



DC is rolling out another of their animated movies again and while I'm ready to give this one a chance I'm a little wary of it. I haven't been flat out disappointed with a DC Animated movie since Superman Doomsday but I think this new one is coming out too close to the Superman/Batman Public Enemies film. I'm also incredibly tired of the entire Multiple Earths thing. I know I'll see this but I don't know if I'll buy it. Here's the trailer





I hope DC goes back to doing animated movies of already published works like Superman/Batman Public Enemies. That kicked ass.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

KICK ASS AND CLASH OF THE TITANS TRAILERS



Two big movies coming in 2010 are Kick Ass based on the Mark Millar comic book series and the remake of Clash Of The Titans. Kick Ass is the story of a kid who decides to become a super hero with no powers or real training. He meets up with other wanna be heroes and the fun begins from there.

I wasn't a huge fan of the comic simply because as much as I love Mark Millar's straight comic work, when he tries to do more violent adult fare it becomes really silly and overdone. The movie looks to be making the film a comedy which doesn't sit too much better with me. Here's the trailer.

KICK ASS



I was a huge, gigantic, incredibly insane fan of the original Clash Of The Titans movie and when the announcement came that a remake was being done I was pissed. For all the bells and whistles CGI just isn't as cool as the Ray Harryhausen style animation. That was what gave Clash Of Titans its other worldly feel, that was the fantasy element.

The new one does look great and might be really good but it just isn't Clash Of The Titans to me. Here's the trailer, it looks like a Manowar video with a huge budget.

CLASH OF THE TITANS

Monday, November 9, 2009

CHARLIE CHAPLIN IS NEO!!




I was one of the ten people inhabiting the planet Earth that didn't like the Matrix. It was boring, a Terminator rip off and I can only watch about 80 seconds of Keanu Reeves doing anything outside of Bill & Ted. However this little gem kick a whole lot of ass. This is a Russian actors troupe that produced the Matrix had it been shot like a Charlie Chaplin silent movie. If the films had originally been handled this way I would've seen all three and cheered!!

SAY HELLO TO SPIDER-EMO



So I guess now that Bono has dug deep into his friends pockets to try and save the incredibly expensive and incredibly stupid Spider-Man musical (titled Turn Off The Dark, I shit you not) he can pretty much do whatever he wants and nobody will say a fucking WORD!! So Bono pours through as many Boy Teen porno mags as he can until he pulls out this photo and decides this is the guy to play Spider-Man/Peter Parker in the musical.

Yeah right, maybe if Spider-Man centered around male prostitutes or what makes a great Calvin Cline male model I'd buy this guy as Spidey but for the Spider-Man I know it would to be a big fuck you. Perhaps Bono is has been so busy applying layers of chapstick to his world wide kissed ass that he lost his mind and decided Spider-Man is now about an Emo band looking for a singer. Whatever it is it's going to suck big asshole. Take it from one of a dozen guys who saw the musical Carrie before it closed, this guy shouldn't quit his day job.

TOP TEN BEST QUINCY EPISODES EVER



As snicker-worthy as it could be Quincy was also the first show ever to talk on prime time TV about drugs, sexually transmitted diseases, the evil of corporate America, fad diets, child abuse, child molestation, spousal abuse, and other topics that were pretty heavy stuff for the time period.

Having recently watched all 8 seasons again I managed to go through and pick out what I feel are the Top Ten Best Quincy Episodes Ever! Read this and you’ll get an idea of why Quincy kicks so much ass and why you should know about it if you don’t.



10. Thigh Bone Connected To The Knee Bone. (Season 2)

Synopsis: Quincy is told to teach a class at the local university for the brightest minds in forensic science the school has. As a joke a student brings him what she thought was an animal thighbone found at a construction site. Turns out to be a human thighbone and Quincy uses the class to rebuild the body and solve a murder.

Why It Rocks: First off the brightest mind in forensic science didn’t know it was a human thighbone? This was also the first episode where the producers tried to hip Quincy to the college scene. For some reason it was mandatory that Quincy be down with the youth and here these college kids worship him. It also introduced a woman who played Quincy’s girlfriend for just one season. After that the producers had him getting more ass than a toilet seat




09. Touch Of Death (Season 3)

Synopsis: Sam quits unexpectedly when Quincy performs an autopsy on a Japanese martial arts movie star, because the practice goes against the family's beliefs.

Why It Rocks: This was the first show to really focus on Sam, Quincy’s right hand man and pretty much the guy who does all the work while Quincy shouts and screams at injustice. Sam is Japanese so of course he has a relative that’s a martial arts master in Hollywood. I was also fascinated at how the producers jumbled several different Asian religious ideas into one to give the show drama. This was also the first in a trend of Sam-focused episodes that had awful acting. The very best is that at the end the bad guy starts crying and then suddenly jumps out of a window.




08. No Way To Treat A Flower. (Season 5)

Synopsis: Quincy discovers that a drug magazine is hawking a plant spray for weed that is actually poisoning kids and killing them.

Why It Rocks: Because it makes weed out to be as bad as heroin. The producers obviously couldn’t figure out a way that smoking weed would kill somebody so they dreamed up this “poisoned plant spray” angle that makes no sense. I also loved the clearly out of touch producers writing college kids and the magazine owner speaking “drug slang”. Get high before watching this episode it’s the best!




07. Never A Child (Season 5)

Synopsis: A teenage girl named Sophie ends up on Quincy’s table and he wants to know why. Upon trying to solve her murder he discovers the underground world of child porn and joins forces with a social worker to fight a guy named Uncle Harry (who killed Sophie) before he destroys the life of a runaway named Amanda.

Why It Rocks: This was one of those episodes that tackled a taboo subject for the time in a very human way. I don’t know if they did more research or if the producers thought it too important to make a typical episode but this one is really fucked up. The only humor is the hot 22-year-old social worker that starts hitting on Quincy, it never reads as believable.




06. Riot (Season 5)

Synopsis: Sam and Quincy head to a prison where a politically radical black prisoner has been beaten to death. The inmate held responsible says he’s innocent and points to a corrupt warden. The inmates riot and take Sam & Quincy hostage. They let Quincy go to try and prove the inmate is innocent but Sam is forced to stay in the prison.

Why It Rocks: Mainly because I couldn’t believe a show that champions justice and equality would write African American dialog the way the writers did here. It’s not so much that this episode rocks but how shocking it is what America used to be okay withr. Serious stuff like “I don’t knows nuthin about yaw outside justice ya see.” It was that kind of white-guy-writes-street-tough bullshit. So offensive




05. Who Speaks For The Children (Season 6)

Synopsis: Quincy draws the case of nine-year-old Polly Carmody, murdered and tossed in a garbage bin. The police soon round up a suspect, but the chief investigator, Lieutenant Markasian, doesn't believe they have the right man. When Quincy can't match the blood type, and when he and Quincy discover some disturbing facts about the girl's stepfather, they turn their investigation towards him.

Why It Rocks: Another well-done episode that actually makes you think and is wicked disturbing. The guy who plays the stepfather is so creepy that even as cynical as I am he gave me the heeby jeebies. It’s also one of Quincy’s best angry speeches ever.




04. Images (Season 4)

Synopsis: Quincy announces at a press conference that a woman who died in a fire is Jessica Ross, a well-known anchor babe. Then Jessica Ross walks into the room and announces that she's alive. Quincy believes that this woman is an impostor and that his original diagnosis was the correct one.

Why It Rocks: Mainly because this was one of the few high concept ideas Quincy ever produced. Most of the shows Quincy did an autopsy, got mad, faced a bureaucrat and won. Here there is some real mystery going on and it was kind of tense. I also loved the reason the wicked twin did what she did, so fucked up.




03. Dying For A Drink (Season 8)

Synopsis: Quincy tries to help out a fellow female medical examiner when she begins to screw up her job and make mistakes due to a drinking problem.

Why It Rocks: Mainly because it is so fucked up and ends on a serious downer. Most Quincy shows ended with an up beat vibe but in season 8 they wanted to reinvent the shows so they became grittier. The woman with the drinking problem here is just put through the ringer by everybody and even Quincy can’t help. A solid look at alcoholism and a really dark episode for the series as a whole.




02. Unhappy Hour (Season 5)

Synopsis: Quincy’s boss Dr. Astin takes over as coroner only to have the 17-year-old boyfriend of his niece end up on the table as the victim of a drunk driving accident. The niece is being charged with manslaughter for driving the car they were both in and it’s up to Astin and Quincy to find out what really happened.

Why It Rocks: There are so many reasons that this episode kicks ass. First it's another of the dark and grittier episodes that didn't really end on an upbeat swing. There’s some humor such as the “advanced computer technology” that recreates the car accident but what happens to the niece is really kind of awful. I also dug an entire episode devoted to Astin because he was one of my favorite things about the show.

I appreciated the end scene where Astin stops giving a lecture to his niece’s class about the evils of drunk driving and comes down into the audience to “rap” with them. It was corny and obviously written by old men trying to relate to kids but A for effort.




01. Next Stop Nowhere (Season 8)

Synopsis: Quincy believes and autopsy he just complete on a young man who died after a night of slam dancing at a punk rock club was directly attributed to the music the kids were listening to at the time. Lyrics about no hope, violence and death led to the man being stabbed in the back with an ice pick.

Why It Rocks: Easily my favorite Quincy episode mainly because of how ridiculous it is. In this episode Quincy fights punk rockers that are like no punks I’ve ever met, EVER!! The dialog, the look, the “slam” dancing is all so manufactured and so badly executed you can’t believe it’s actually happening. It was so clear that the people behind this had kids into punk rock and hated it so they wrote this episode to expose something they didn’t even understand. Watch the 30-second promo to see what I mean:



If that doesn’t impress you here’s the actual song that drove the kids to kill from the nameless punk rock band who looks less like a punk band than a glam metal one:




So that’s it, the Top Ten Best Quincy Episodes Ever. Now that you know the best, try the rest by renting Quincy. Trust me, you’ll be so amped you did.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

HOLY SHIT A POSSIBLE ALIEN SEQUEL I WOULD SEE!!



I fucking hate all the goddamn sonofabitch Alien sequels!!

See the first Alien to me was not only a brilliant movie but kind of a right of passage. It was one of the first movies I snuck to watch on HBO when it came out and it scared the shit out me. I became obsessed with the Alien itself and even managed to get my parents to buy me one of the big alien toys for Christmas. When Aliens came out I enjoyed it but thought it lacked the weight and presence of the original (No I'm not joining some hipster band wagon, I did love Aliens so relax).

Post Aliens every single fucking movie having to do with the Aliens sucked greater and greater amounts of ass. Culminating with the most recent Alien Vs Predator movie which I walked out of (that's saying a lot since I was at home watching it on DVD). As I stood freezing outside my apartment I swore an oath to the Nerd Gods that I'd never see another Alien sequel.

Until now that is.

The fine folks over in Japan have come up with an angle hitting on so many touchstones of my childhood that I couldn't resist seeing it if I wanted to. As you can tell from the above poster it's titled Alien Vs Ninja

I will repeat that

ALIEN VS NINJA!!!!!

Here's the synopsis as provided by TWITCH:

Once upon a time in Japan, there was a band of great Ninja warriors led by Yamata called Iga Ninja. One day they witness a flash in the sky and a roaring giant ball of fire crashes into the distant forest. The warriors rush into the deep woods in an attempt to identify the mysterious fireball. There, instead of finding predictable enemies, they are stunned to face never-seen-before creatures with claws and fangs, the aliens! The hungry brutal aliens start to savage and feast on the Ninja warriors, leaving only a few to survive. Yamata and his warriors swear to avenge their comrades' deaths and risk their lives to challenge the aliens. However, none of the Ninja weapons, neither their swords nor their throwing stars, has any affect on the alien warriors. Now the Japanese greatest Iga Ninja face the biggest challenge ever!

HOLY JESUS FUCKING A MONKEY DOES THAT SOUND AWESOME.

Aliens and Ninjas? If this took place in the realm of Dungeons And Dragons I'd be too busy jerking off to finish this post. I hope this movie kicks ass.

COMIC BOOK PREVIEW - DR. STRANGE



As those who read this blog know I have long since given up reading or even caring about Marvel Comics on any level. That being said there are some things that will always call me back because I'm just a sucker for certain Marvel characters. One of those is the Ditko/Lee created Dr. Strange. In the early eighties when I was looking to expand my comic book world beyond Batman, Green Lantern and Wolverine I stumbled upon a comic featuring a man with a huge cape, his fingers arched bizarrely and all of this light and color around him. He was battling what looked like a cosmic demon and BAM I was fucking hooked.

Since then, as with everything else, Marvel has shit all over Strange whenever they can. Their most recent bowel movement on the good Dr. was to remove him as the Sorcerer Supreme for using Black Magic to save the Avengers. Strange was replaced with--I shit you not---Dr. Voodoo who essentially looks like a eighties wrestler. Apparently this has led to Marvel giving Dr. Strange yet another mini-series (could we get a monthly, PLEASE) which I will have to pick up because I'm a sucker.

Here's a preview of the comic from the folks over at NEWSARAMA

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

THE SADNESS OF MAINE AND THE REST OF THE COUNTRY



I try not to rant too heavily about political issues on this blog mainly because I started it to make people laugh and talk about the dorky stuff that I love every day. The recent events in Maine, the state overturning the right to Gay Marriage has driven me to write this because I'm just so ashamed to call myself an American right now. It's more than just the anti-gay movement but if I start getting into every reason I get sick thinking of the direction our country is heading I'll crash the blogspot server. So let's stick with the anti-gay movement, let's stick to that one despicable piece of Americana.

For those who don't think I have any first hand knowledge of the problems in the Gay community let me set those fears to rest by telling you about my father. Ronald Thomas Robinson was one of the most spectacular human beings I have ever known. Brilliant writer, loving father, compassionate human being. I was lucky to have even known the man much less be able to claim he was my father. He was also gay and died much too young from complications due to the AIDS virus. My father had caught the disease during the early eighties when so little was known about the AIDS and he fought it for years before it claimed his life.

Most of my friends were from nuclear families, the kind that these right wing Bible thumping political morons would have loved and most of them got divorced. These super straight ultimate American fathers, almost without fail, left their children after the divorce and moved away. They never saw their kids or they were too busy with new wives and children or they just didn't care. My father never lived more than 30 blocks from me and he was always there, even when I didn't deserve it.

My father had two partners in his life and he was committed to both of them like I have never seen. His first partner died of AIDS and my father was there every second. Cleaning up after him, bathing him, feeding him, etc. They were a real life married couple and the same held true for my dad's second partner. That partner did for my father when he was dying what my father did for his first partner during his ordeal. The dedication and love going on there was just that, dedication and love. It wasn't gay love or homosexual love it was love, pure and simple.

My father taught me about compassion and about generosity of spirit. My father welcomed everybody with open arms as did his partners and their friends. How many so called "Good Christian" men are homophobic, racist, misogynistic and so on? It's not that all gay men and women were perfect but my father's friends were always much more easy going about people. My father was a very big fan of the golden rule as were most of his friends. Most of these hateful bigots feel the Golden Rule on applies to them and nobody else.

My favorite claim is that gay men are promiscuous and cause the spread of the AIDS virus. Sorry ding dongs you're waaaay the fuck off base there. Gay people did more to galvanize themselves and start preaching the gospel of being careful and smart about sex than any other group. Most of the real problem comes from men who lie about being with hookers, junkies or Gay men who aren't careful and remain closeted. As for being promiscuous, Gay men and women are no more that than straight men and women. Some gay couples are monogamous, some open, some honest, some cheat, some have one partner, some have multiple partners...JUST LIKE FUCKING STRAIGHT PEOPLE YOU IDIOTS. Why when a guy goes out and bags 30 women is he king shit of the world but a gay man who does the same is a scourge?

Here's the reality of the gay world, here's the man behind the curtain. You ready.....drum rollll....they're no different than anybody else. When you really stare at it, when you really fucking look at the situation gay people simply have different sex partners than the baby making population. That's it, that's all, nothing else. Effeminate, quiet, butch, loud, leather clad or suit and tie, none of that shit is any different than the multiple personality quirks of the straight world. I hate to sound all hippie on it but we're all just people with varied personalities and interests and so on. Being gay doesn't instantly mean you're a good person and being straight sure as shit doesn't instantly make you right.

Most anti-gay folks whip out the Bible and religion when casting their own net of ignorant prejudice. So how does this work exactly? How do you people know what God is thinking? I'm guessing he doesn't sit down and chat with you so you're basically assuming or paraphrasing. WOW, assuming what God is thinking, I don't know if I'm that sure of myself y'know?

Some say it's the Bible and that they use that for guidance. Yeah I hate to break it to you but the Bible was written by men, most likely scared men looking for some order in their world. Didn't any of you Bible thumpers find it odd that women were looked down on, different races were looked down on, anything not having to do with straight men was looked down on? Do you really think that a God of love would write something like that? No it was men, men who have managed to fool everybody into thinking this is the word of God.

From what I understand God is love and that's how I see him. I see God in my fiancee Sara when that feeling in my heart punches through every time she comes close to me. God is in the way children look at their parents and how parents sacrifice everything for their child. He's in the heart of the guy who runs into the burning building to save somebody, or the person who gives money to charity. God is in a simple hug when somebody is feeling low and even how animals look to us to take care of them. Oh and I realize just now I'm being sexist, God could be a woman so put He/She were I put only he.

God is not hateful, he/she is not this deity that sits around and decides how to make people's lives difficult. God does not look at a wonderful, giving and caring human being like my father and cast him into a burning pit of fire because he likes men. Somehow I think God has better things to do in all of the Universe than spite men for sleeping with men and women for sleeping with women. If he really is that awful and vengeful then fuck him because I'm probably already doomed.

Some say homosexuality isn't natural and maybe in the idea of baby making it's not. However there are animals that suddenly pair up with the male of their species and that's not nurture, that's instinct. You can't raise somebody to be Gay, either they are or the aren't and anything else is bullshit. A gay couple with a kid CAN NOT RAISE A KID TO BE GAY!!! If the kid is gay he/she would've been no matter who the parents are. It's not an abomination to nature it's part of nature it's just an offshoot of the baby making straight feelings we have. Denying a loving Gay couple a kid is basically fucking the kid over for your bullshit ideals. How fucked up is that!?

Let's just say for the sake of argument the anti-gay folks are right and gay people will burn in hell and are an affront to God. Um, okay, so who cares? That's their business not yours. If they are going to burn in hell then let them worry about it, stop wasting everybody's time by actively complaining about something that has nothing to do with you. There is so much work that needs to get done on real problems why waste the world's time with your personal gripes?

Oh and spare me the bullshit about gay men being deviants who lure kids into the homosexual lifestyle or use them as sex toys. Go back and look at the facts, kids are done more harm by straight men and PRIESTS than any members of the gay community ever have. Oh and as far as Gay men in the military or on a police force being "less than" their straight counterparts. I've seen many many gay men and women beat the fucking shit out of people who start shit with them so don't get any ideas. Being gay doesn't mean you're suddenly weak or too scared to fight. Don't believe me? Go start some shit at a gay bar, see how long you remain standing.

What Maine has done denying gay marriage simply fosters hatred and misunderstanding. It also gives way to more wasted time over this non-issue. People must understand that being anti-gay is the same as being racist or misogynistic, it's all just evil hatred wrapped up in different packages. Everybody on this planet deserves the right to be happy and feel loved, period end of discussion. Anything else, any rules or guidelines or exceptions to that fact are bullshit Evil, hateful bullshit spewed out by ignorant fools who are so scared of their own shadow that anything that's not them must be destroyed.

The alienation and persecution of the gay community is just another sign that AMERICA has devolved into 'MERICA, a place where the few control the masses and where some ancient good old boy ideal has become the rule of thumb by which we're supposed to live. There is so much going wrong right now, so much happening that needs to be fixed and yet we waste time over being anti-gay or racist or whatever. Having those feelings, while I don't agree with them, is your right but to use them to negatively effect people's lives is in my mind criminal.

If you won't let gay people get married then you'd be against any minority or different group getting married. It's the same thing, it's a group of people that aren't you and you hate that and you wish to destroy it. The reality is you need to be wiped off the planet because you're a cancer, one that is rotting the world from the inside. Don't you use God as your shield either because that shit doesn't wash anymore. I'll end this with a quote:

"If Jesus came back and saw what was being done in his name. He'd never stop throwing up."

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

V - MY REVIEW




I'll be the first to admit that I met the idea of a new series based on the 1983 mini-series V with great trepidation. Every time I saw commercials for it I would get Battlestar Galactica flashbacks. I realize most found the new BSG to be the greatest reinvention of an old series ever but for me it failed on every single level save for Edward James Olmos who I pretty much love in anything. With my Post Traumatic BSG Stress Disorder in full swing I sat down to watch V hopeful but wary.

For those who never saw the original V it tells the story of a group aliens who land on our planet claiming to be a friend of humanity, one that will cure our ills and save our world. Beneath their human exteriors they're actually reptilian beings looking to turn humanity into either slaves or food. The original mini-series ended with the human resistance defeating the aliens and driving them out of our planet for good. That was before the ill fated TV series which lasted one season.

The new V series is more in depth, more dramatic and obviously looks better than the 1983 series. Being this is just the pilot episode I wasn't expecting everything to be perfect and was pleasantly surprised at how much actually worked. Don't get me wrong, there are some major issues with V but as far as pilots go I enjoyed it and I'm interested in seeing episode two.

What works with the new V series is mainly the slant on how the resistance is formed. Instead of just whipping one up as the aliens did in the original it turns out the aliens had placed sleeper cells throughout the world to prepare for the coming invasion. I thought that was a great idea, it really strengthened why the traitor aliens would turn against their home world to help us. In the original the resistance aliens just felt bad while here they have grown to know us and care for us.

I also liked the way V spoke to humanities love of instant gratification. Aliens land, give us cures and technology and suddenly we worship and love them with open arms. Playing off of that and how the aliens manipulate the media updates the series but still stays in line with the original. Character wise the new series stays pretty true to the original formula. In the '83 V the resistance was lead by news cameraman and ultimate do-gooder Marc Singer as well as emotional scientist Juliet Parish. The man-woman leaders are still intact only this time around it's FBI Agent Erica Evans and Father Jack Landry. I'm hoping they've made the male lead a Priest in order to do away with any lame love interest angle.

What doesn't work with the new V series mainly stems from the producers taking a good idea way too far. For instance the V's are all supposed to be attractive in their fake human skins but here they all look like movie stars. While I understand that speaks to America's celebrity fascination it doesn't work here. I feel like nobody would instantly trust a bunch of supermodels from outer space. What made the original V aliens work was that while they did look nice and respectable they were all different. These aliens all look too much like a Milan runway show.

The same can be said for the sleeper cell idea. Instead of just having the story maintain that the sleeper cells arrived and learned our strengths and weaknesses in the new series the sleeper V aliens are responsible for every bad thing happening right now from the economy to terrorism. So it wasn't an age old devotion to an ancient religion that drove the 9/11 terrorists to crash the planes it was a bunch of aliens? It was too much, too grandiose and too hard to swallow. It would have been just as effective for the sleepers to have contacted the aliens when our world was falling apart and said that now was the time to strike.

The other problem with the sleeper cell idea is that of character Ryan Nichols played by Morris Chestnut. When the aliens land he's called back into action to help gather the resistance but he refuses because now he has a girlfriend he's about to ask to marry him. Huh? How exactly would that work out? Didn't she ever ask about his family? What did he think would happen when the aliens showed up? What about kids, didn't it worry him that they'd have an alien hybrid baby? There's too many variables to believe that any sleeper alien would marry a human.

One funny thing is that the new V series carried over a problem the old V series had which was why didn't they just annihilate us and take what they wanted? Why be coy? Why this gigantic master plan? I was happy that one character in the new V actually asks that question because they never addressed it in the old series. I was also glad that the new series got right down to the reptile angle because it wouldn't be the big reveal that it was in 1983, we all know too much about the show.

All in all the new V was pretty good and held my interest enough to want to come back for more. I'm still really interested in how the producers are going to make this an ongoing show. Part of what made the old show so miserable was the idea of continuously fighting the aliens grew old fast. How they plan to keep it interesting this go 'round only time will tell. If they don't it'll be the shortest alien invasion in celluloid history.

NEW LAWS FOR THE INTERNET ARE ABOUT TO FUCK IT UP.



THIS CAME FROM BOING BOING

Ever since the Internet took hold of the world the vibrating cockweeds of the world have tried to control it. Now thanks to some backhanded dealings and things shrouded in secrecy a new internet treaty has been struck with our Government that may effectively reduce all that is great and wonderful about the web into nothing. Check out the main points of the article:

THIS PART MAINLY CAME FROM BOING BOING

The internet chapter of the Anti-Counterfeiting Trade Agreement, a secret copyright treaty whose text Obama's administration refused to disclose due to "national security" concerns, has leaked. It's bad. It says:

* * That ISPs have to proactively police copyright on user-contributed material. This means that it will be impossible to run a service like Flickr or YouTube or Blogger, since hiring enough lawyers to ensure that the mountain of material uploaded every second isn't infringing will exceed any hope of profitability.

* * That ISPs have to cut off the Internet access of accused copyright infringers or face liability. This means that your entire family could be denied to the internet -- and hence to civic participation, health information, education, communications, and their means of earning a living -- if one member is accused of copyright infringement, without access to a trial or counsel.

YEP THESE PARTS TO CAME FROM BOING BOING

* * That the whole world must adopt US-style "notice-and-takedown" rules that require ISPs to remove any material that is accused -- again, without evidence or trial -- of infringing copyright. This has proved a disaster in the US and other countries, where it provides an easy means of censoring material, just by accusing it of infringing copyright.

* * Mandatory prohibitions on breaking DRM, even if doing so for a lawful purpose (e.g., to make a work available to disabled people; for archival preservation; because you own the copyrighted work that is locked up with DRM)


ALL THE ABOVE WERE FROM BOING BOING

So once again the freest nation in the world works hard to take away our freedoms and bleed everything that's good out of the world and turn it into another marketing tool for the corporate cunts.

GOD BLESS AMERICA!!

GET READY TO GET LESS DONE! BEHOLD JAROO.COM



If you thought the advent of Hulu.com and Fancast.com had thrown a serious monkey wrench into your world then get ready for even less productivity in your day to day life with jaroo.com. Jaroo is basically hulu or fancast for the kiddie sect and is chock full of cartoon goodness from back when cartoons were more important than live action teen shows on saturday mornings.

Right now the site is beta testing so they have some awesome stuff (Inspector Gadget, Sherlock Holmes In The 22nd Century, Paddington Bear, etc) and some less known and kind of crappy stuff. Regardless it's all fun to watch and once the beta test is over and this thing kicks into high gear the possibilities are endless. If The Real Ghostbuster or Fosters Home For Imaginary Friends or Mr. T or Dungeons And Dragons or any of the shows I grew up loving hit that site you may never see or hear from me again.

For now enjoy JAROO for what it is.

SEQUELS, GHOSTS AND BEARS OH MY!!




So Hollywood's continuing mission to grab anything that might kind of revolve around comics, cartoons or that end of pop culture continues unabated. Now the revolting swine known as the Movie Industry has decided that it's time for a Bernstein Bears movie, yep, that's right, with Where The Wild Things are having some success I know we're going to see a lot more children's books come to life. The problem is that Hollywood won't really care about the material, if it needs to be a movie and more often than not they'll throw in some hack director who is directing the movie based on notes given to him by 5th graders from a focus group.

The original Bearnstein Bears dealt with Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Sister Bear and Brother Bear (when Honey Bear came along I tuned out) a family who lives deep in a fictional town called Bear Country. The tight knit family was usually shown overcoming problems that related to both kids and adults. They were learning books that made learning fun. Apparently the new film will be part live action and part CGI. If I know Hollywood here's what will probably go down:

A good looking but lonely boy (because there's SOOO many of those in reality) wanders away from his equally attractive and way to with-it parents in a fit of rage. The other loser girl at school (who will also probably be hot) follows him and through some kind of magical muckety muck they find the mystical Bear Country and nestle in with the Bearnstein Bears to learn about life and love and the importance of family usually while sickeningly sweet pop songs play.

However the grown us will find Bear Country while looking for the kids and a greedy developer will want to turn Bear Country into some kind of attraction, while shitty Government scientists will want to study them. The human kids will join forces with the Brother and Sister for a slapstick, action packed, crazy-but-it-just-might-work scheme to beat the grown ups. In the end the kids will return home smarter and happier.


Think I'm wrong? Trust me, it's the way Hollywood does everything. In another bit of movie news with the hot box office still burning for the large on hype but low on execution film Paranormal Activities the swine at Viacom are already plotting for a sequel. I can understand that, after all Blair Witch Project 2 was such a good fucking movie clearly this had to be done.

For my taste Paranormal Activity was boring as hell (see me review at HERE) so a sequel might be a step up. I don't know, it's a tough one. Cashing in on a out of left field movie tends to backfire but then again why not, it couldn't be any worse than the original. The new one will probably feature more blood, more CGI effects and God willing more camera angles. Perhaps a great thriller could be born from this boring one but I doubt it.