Tuesday, November 3, 2009


So Hollywood's continuing mission to grab anything that might kind of revolve around comics, cartoons or that end of pop culture continues unabated. Now the revolting swine known as the Movie Industry has decided that it's time for a Bernstein Bears movie, yep, that's right, with Where The Wild Things are having some success I know we're going to see a lot more children's books come to life. The problem is that Hollywood won't really care about the material, if it needs to be a movie and more often than not they'll throw in some hack director who is directing the movie based on notes given to him by 5th graders from a focus group.

The original Bearnstein Bears dealt with Papa Bear, Mama Bear, Sister Bear and Brother Bear (when Honey Bear came along I tuned out) a family who lives deep in a fictional town called Bear Country. The tight knit family was usually shown overcoming problems that related to both kids and adults. They were learning books that made learning fun. Apparently the new film will be part live action and part CGI. If I know Hollywood here's what will probably go down:

A good looking but lonely boy (because there's SOOO many of those in reality) wanders away from his equally attractive and way to with-it parents in a fit of rage. The other loser girl at school (who will also probably be hot) follows him and through some kind of magical muckety muck they find the mystical Bear Country and nestle in with the Bearnstein Bears to learn about life and love and the importance of family usually while sickeningly sweet pop songs play.

However the grown us will find Bear Country while looking for the kids and a greedy developer will want to turn Bear Country into some kind of attraction, while shitty Government scientists will want to study them. The human kids will join forces with the Brother and Sister for a slapstick, action packed, crazy-but-it-just-might-work scheme to beat the grown ups. In the end the kids will return home smarter and happier.

Think I'm wrong? Trust me, it's the way Hollywood does everything. In another bit of movie news with the hot box office still burning for the large on hype but low on execution film Paranormal Activities the swine at Viacom are already plotting for a sequel. I can understand that, after all Blair Witch Project 2 was such a good fucking movie clearly this had to be done.

For my taste Paranormal Activity was boring as hell (see me review at HERE) so a sequel might be a step up. I don't know, it's a tough one. Cashing in on a out of left field movie tends to backfire but then again why not, it couldn't be any worse than the original. The new one will probably feature more blood, more CGI effects and God willing more camera angles. Perhaps a great thriller could be born from this boring one but I doubt it.

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