Thursday, July 29, 2010

YOGI BEAR Trailer is....Um.....ah fuck it

The only reason I'm showing this fuckwad bullshit abortion of a trailer is so that anybody who even remotely thought Bill Murray should trust Dan Akroyd on the Ghostbusters 3 movie can see now why he shouldn't. I never thought they could translate getting your nuts caught in a bear trap to video but this proves they can do it. Watch only if you have a sickness bag near you.

Look how proud Akroyd is of this piece of shit movie. Unless two interns are below the camera blowing him during the intro this jackoff is actually HAPPY!! Attention Dan Akroyd, you have now been forever removed from the artistic process. Go home, bang your wife, beat your kids, watch Blues Brothers, Neighbors and Ghostbusters and remember you used to have talent. Just don't make anymore fucking movies you cunt.



Remember way back when Guiellmero Del Toro was going to do an At The Mountains Of Madness film but he didn't because he was brought onto the ill fated Hobbit movie? If not don't worry it doesn't matter, MGM is so fucking bankrupt they couldn't make car commercials much less The Hobbit. With The Hobbit stuck in turnaround Hell Del Toro was free to make a good movie and has decided to return to the HP Lovecraft classic tale.

I know those who remember will be a little unnerved remembering all the reports of changes the studio wanted made. It was to be set in modern times, not the thirties, it was to have a love interest, etc. Well worry no more because James Cameron has stepped in to produce the movie and he is one of the few that can a studio so fuck off and they will. Cameron wants Del Toro to stay 100% on point with the original text and that is awesome. Granted with Cameron on the film it'll be in 3-D but at least it'll be the really good 3-D.

SMALLVILLE Season 10 Trailer. It Ain't The Thor Footage.....

Oh what you wanted TOM WELLING with his shirt open?

I didn't get to go to San Diego Comic Con which is totally FUCKING BULLSHIT fine with me because to be honest I can't afford to go I'm too much of a comic purist to want to be part of something so obviously tainted by Hollywood unless somebody pays for me to go and all of its money hungry bullshit.

That understood I did a wrap up of what I thought was important and one of those things was Smallville. Well, here's the trailer for season 10 and it has some cool surprises. It's hard to get a wicked hard on for Smallville no matter what since it's sucked to bad for two years but hey I might watch it now, especially if they do get Lex Luthor to return.


Okay so not to waste time with writing a bunch of shit here's the Thor trailer that's been taken off line other places. No idea how long it'll be here.



This may not be the Bill Hicks idea of the perfect Tiffany and Debbie Gibson video but it's pretty damn funny. As you may or may not know the Syphilis SyFy Channel is pairing the two eighties teen queens together in a movie titled Megapython Vs Gatoroid where they play I guess scientists who hate each other but have to cum come together to fight the two big bads. Outside of the fight my favorite is that Gatoroids sounds like a disease you'd catch drinking too Gatorade.

"Coach my ass really hurts and there are these weird puss filled sores!"

"Sounds like a bad case of Gatoroids!

Anyway here's the video

Monday, July 26, 2010


The biggest thing at Comic Con this year because the bullshit thing has NOTHING to do with comics it's the perfect time to talk about it was The Avengers movie. As you can see this was the first time all the folks in the film were in the same room and woo hoo what a fucking blast that must've been. So I could write about a bunch of shit but there's video so watch this instead.

Well if you made it through all that false fanfare and ass kissing you got to see Robert Downey cuntbag take another swipe at Chris Nolan (he did it before when Iron Man opened against the Dark Knight). You also got to see just how disingenuous these people are and how little any of this has to do with comic books.




Well shiver my ass and call me for cow tippin' I had no idea there was a movie about Thor, mainly because I haven't heard one fucking word about it at all!! See there, that's sarcasm!! Anyhoo there was a big time panel for this movie, which I think has a maybe 45% chance of being any good and we learned all kinds of nifty shit. First up we learned via this photo that the Infinity Gauntlet will be in the movie

The Infinity Gauntlet was a bejeweled glove that Thanos used for utter destruction. Now does this mean that Thanos will be in the movie? Um, probably not so I'm guessing the screen writers either re-wrote the idea or Thor goes up against Asgard's version of Liberace. Next was the panel itself where all the actors crooned about how cool the movie is. Here are some highlights.

Natalie Portman Won't be in Avengers but will be in other Thor movies.
My future Ex-wife Kat Dennings is in the film, reason enough to see it.
Hemsworth knew nothing about Thor (shocker there)

Then footage came, footage I didn't see because nobody wants me at SDCC. Here's the description of what was shown:

Clark Gregg’s Agent Coulson opens the film circling a man sitting in a chair in what looks like an interrogation room. “One way or another we find out what we want to know. We’re good at that. It’s not easy to do what you did. My men are the most highly trained in the world and you made them look like mall cops.”

We see shots of Hemsworth rumbling with the SHIELD agents. This is all Earth stuff with Thor fighting without a suit or hammer.

“Why don’t you tell me where you received that training. Afghanistan? You strike me more as a soldier of fortune type. Who are you?”

And that’s when we see Hemsworth’s face for the first time, giving Coulson a big fuck you stare.

From here on the footage moves to Asgard. Sweeping shots of golden streets as Anthony Hopkins’ Odin speaks over the footage.

“I have sacrificed much to achieve peace. You have opened these innocent realms to the horror and devastation of war. You are a vain and cruel boy.”

Hopkins really shouts down Hemsworth, who dishes it back at the old man. “And you are an old fool!” Hopkins responds with quiet sadness. “I was a fool… to think you were ready. In the name of my father and his father before… I cast you out!”

That last bit was played over the scene in the Great Hall, Thor on his knees in front of Odin, his winged helm is removed and then we see a flash and a deep rumble of thunder and Hemsworth is laying in a desert.

Natalie Portman and Kat Dennings are leaning over him as he wakes up. He looks around upon waking and says, “Oh, no… this is Earth, isn’t it?” Portman and Dennings trade a look.

Hemsworth changes shirts in a later scene and Dennings sneaks a peek and says to Portman: “You know for a crazy homeless person he’s pretty cut.”

Next shot had Hemsworth trying to explain where he came from to Portman. “Your ancestors called it magic, yet you call it science. I can prove they are one and the same. The answers you seek will be yours once I claim what’s mine.”

Mjolnir is in embedded in the ground, surrounded by tarps and caution tape. A muddy Hemsworth approaches as Hopkins voice over says “Whoever wields this hammer, be he worthy, shall possess the power of Thor.”

Hemsworth wraps his fingers around the handle and tries to pull with all his might, fails, screams to the heavens in frustration.

Then we leave Earth and return to Asgard as Odin lays dead (presumably) and Loki takes power as the successor to the throne. This, apparently, isn’t good news for the people of earth as they run around in a panic. More Odin voice over as Thor watches the devastation: “His fate is in his own hands now.”

Coulson and his SHIELD agents are in the desert as something crashes into the dust. The metal Destroyer stands and approaches the agents. “You are using unregistered weapons technology. Identify yourself.” One of the agents asks Coulson: “Is that one of Stark’s?” Coulson responds, “I don’t know. He never tells me anything.”

The Destroyer’s helmet opens and a bright beam of light boils there before shooting out and… well, destroying things.

There are lots of glimpses of the fully costumed Thor in battle, very quickly cut in the sizzle reel, but really badass swinging the hammer, deflecting blows with it against a stormy background.

You'll notice I haven't said one word about the Captain America panel and that's because I think that movie is going to be absolute shit. However Thor okay. They didn't show Kat Dennings in the photos so here she is:


Apparently at Comic Con there was a new trailer and poster for the American version of Let The Right On In, now called Let Me In. The above poster is pretty nice and I have to say the trailer is very cool, if it weren't for the fact that it's for this movie. See the original Let The Right One In is a quiet movie about co-dependency and love with this supernatural thing moving in the background. This film looks like a big Vampire death movie with lots of action and characters that don't need to be there. Check out the trailer:

See, it's not bad but if you've seen the original you can feel how Americanized this is and that kinda sucks.


It's no secret that I don't think highly of the new Green Lantern movie but I would be remiss if I didn't present you these posters from SDCC that give you a glimpse of the characters in the new film. Most sites didn't put the posters in order of the Green Lantern creedo but I'm a dork so I did. Here they are.


I guess Marvel has never heard the term three strikes and you're out. I say this because the House Of Horseshit Ideas has not only brought The Punisher back into the Marvel movie fold but there's talk of doing a new Punisher film. Correct me if I'm wrong but these idiots have three bites at the apple and fucked up all of them. The first was of course the classically bad Dolph Lundgren Punisher with Louis Gosset JR where Frank Castle lived in the sewer for some reason. Following that there was an attempt at a serious Punisher movie with Thomas Jane and that one wasn't bad.

However according to Jane himself the movie that was put out was not the film he had signed on for and the sequel seemed even worse so he bowed out leaving the part open for this Ray Stevenson guy who sucked nearly as bad as Dolph and while the movie was goofy fun it still didn't get anybody into the theaters. If I was Marvel I'd take this as a sign and just let the Punisher movie go. People either don't want to see it or it's a story nobody has figured out how to tell. Either way who fucking cares, a fourth movie is a dumb idea.


I can't think of a bigger Marvel misstep than the Red Hulk. Seriously, what a hunk of red shit we've had to content with for two FUCKING years. I should have known this would happen with Jeph "I Royally Fucked Wolverine" Loeb at the helm but I kept hope alive and ended up with a huge throbbing red veined Hulk cock in my ass for issue after issue. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse it did with War Of The Hulks, one of the most convoluted and horribly written series ever. Now comes the news that the Red Hulk will join the Avengers.

Well fucking shit pants golly golly gee ain't that good news. So far the new Avengers (that's new as in the new launch not new as in the New Avengers) has been hard pressed to find it's footing and somehow I don't see adding the big red garbage heap as a way to solve that problem. Oh and apparently the Red Hulk is really Thunderbolt Ross though I have no idea how that works since I stopped reading the thing in order to not blow up Loeb's house.

The only good news in all of this is that Jeph Loeb is finally stepping down as the writer of the Red Hulk. I don't know who is replacing him and to be honest I don't give two good goddamns about it. First off I know any kid with a crayon and a 3rd grade imagination can write a better story than Loeb has but I doubt that even if Alan Moore stepped in he could undo the damage heaped on us by this abomination.


For the longest time Smallville has sucked a thousand cocks laced with cyanide. Ever since the big "Doomsday" is coming let down where the creature that killed Superman turned out to be a hot, troubled ambulance driver that turned into a the Toxic Avenger mixed with a porcupine it's been downhill. The only thing worth a damn on that show was the character of Chloe Sullivan played by the nerd-boy-perfect-girlfriend Allison Mack. Then it was announced Allison would be jumping from the Smallville ship because, well probably because she knew the show sucked donkey nuts at this point. When that came out all of us who loved Alison and Chloe were super bummed.

Fear not!! As it turns out Chloe will be making her comic book appearance in Action Comics #838 and that kicks ass. Hopefully she'll be a permanent part of the DC Universe but even a brief encounter with the character is better than nothing. Here's the cover of Action Comics #893.

With Chloe gone and Smallville circling the drain the producers have pulled out all the stops for the tenth and final season by actually putting Superman in the show about Superman. Apparently a trailer for season ten showed not just the costume but also Clark finally being referred to as Superman. This definitely probably won't save the show but it will drag my stupid ass back for season 10.


Yeah you can suck my ass it smells if you utter one negative thing about this being a bootleg. As the title says I didn't get to go to SDCC so this was what I got. No matter how ghetto the quality the trailer still kicks huge tons of ass. I can't wait for this show to come out and as I long, long time fan of the comic I can honestly say it looks like Frank Darabont did a phenomenal job. Here's the trailer:


I want to like Machete, I really do. Despite hating pretty much everything Robert "Stupid Hat" Rodriguez does I love Robert Trejo and holy Jesus shitballs does Michelle Rodriguez look insanely hot. At first I was pretty sold but this red band trail (which means NOT SAFE FOR WORK) has left me thinking it's another of Robert's overkill violence movies in order to show that he can't for any fucking reason has trouble with storytelling and god he fucking sucks at directing to solid direction. Here's the trailer:

See what I mean, it has less style than the original though the T&A was much appreciated. As for Rodriguez well while I was giggling at him calling IGN "loco" I did notice he got a much less stupid hat.

Go Robert Go!!


For both of you who read my blog you'll know that nothing gets my nerd boner raging like the fantasy of being molested heavily by a girl dressed in the Slave Leia costume. Now to me that seems perfectly normal, a healthy fantasy based off of a young boy's dream. The problem really starts when I try to get actual girls involved in it at all. If you're at a bar picking up a chick and you mention, drinks in the face instantly. A one night stand will turn into couch time with porn and lotion if you bring it up and even a sweet and nerdy girlfriend (like I have) will tell you to fuck off if you suggest it.

Then it dawned on me San Diego Comic Con, a place that seems to be teaming with nerdy chicks dressed like Princess Leia. This could be the place I finally get to introduce some girl in that costume to my very own Bo Shudda!! First up nerdy girls usually don't know they're hot and feel uncomfortable showing that much skin. If I show any interest I'm gonna get blown just to keep the compliments flowing!!

Let's also not forget that no girl will find it weird that you're taking about her in the Slave Leia costume at San Diego Comic Con. I mean shit it doesn't have anything to do with comics so why not let it be an ass harvest for me alone!! Not to mention if I don't get laid by a Slave Leia I can always find a recently dumped Wonder Woman, Cat Woman or (god please let her fill the costume out) Power Girl!!

WOO HOO to being a dirty old man.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Feel The Beat Of The Rhythm Of The TRON!!

So for the last several months all kinds of shitheels have popped up saying that they were official Daft Punk tunes from the new TRON LEGACY movie. Well worry no more because here are six confirmed tracks for you to listen to and they're pretty awesome:

Daft Punk for Tron Legacy Soundtrack by Hypetrak

New TRON LEGACY Trailer. Semen Shoots From Penis!!

So one of the things going on at the San Diego Comic Con besides lots of cunting Hollywood scumbags wearing superhero t-shirts bought for them two days ago by their tortured assistants and pretending their "down", is TRON LEGACY. There was all kinds of nuttiness that went down with it but the best is the new trailer. Not just because it kicks HUGE ASS but also because it has more the anatomically crippling Olivia Wilde in it. Dig it

Wednesday, July 21, 2010


Yep I love the times when And Now For No Reason needs no introduction. First up here's a very cool MC Escher panorama

Tribute to Escher in Barcelona

AND from there we go to a Winnie The Hulk comic, which kinda rules!!

Luke, Leia, Han, guys we're totally getting the band back together

I've seen some cool Star Wars shit in my day and I've seen some Star Wars stuff that makes me want to beat the creator over the head with a pipe. This time we land on the more positive side with just about the coolest guitar EVER. This is the Millennium Falcon guitar made by a guy named Travis S. This isn't some display piece this is a fully functioning guitar and it's amazing. Dig it!

There's an interview HERE with the Travis S about how he made it and it's definitely a good read. Not only is this a cool guitar but it works really well with lines from the movie.

"It matches the markings of an instrument that rocked it's way out of Mos Eisley"

"It may not look like much but it's got it where it counts"

"10,000? We could buy our own guitar for that!" "Yeah kid but who's gonna play it? You?"

"You rock with that thing? You're braver than I thought"

The possibilities just go on and on!!

NEW AIRBENDER: Don't Let M. Night Shamalamadingdong see this!!

While I usually cringe when people continue stories that wrapped up perfectly this actually sounds cool. Apparently Michael DiMartino and Bryan Konietzko the original creators of Avatar: The Last Airbender are doing a sequel to the series and I have to say if the synopsis holds true to the show it could be cool. The show is called Avatar: The Legend Of Korra and it's slated to air next year. Here's the synopsis:

The Legend of Korra takes place 70 years after the events of Avatar: The Last Airbender and follows the adventures of the Avatar after Aang - a passionate, rebellious, and fearless teenaged girl from the Southern Water Tribe named Korra. With three of the four elements under her belt (Earth, Water, and Fire), Korra seeks to master the final element, Air. Her quest leads her to the epicenter of the modern "Avatar" world, Republic City - a metropolis that is fueled by steampunk technology. It is a virtual melting pot where benders and non-benders from all nations live and thrive. However, Korra discovers that Republic City is plagued by crime as well as a growing anti-bending revolution that threatens to rip it apart. Under the tutelage of Aang's son, Tenzin, Korra begins her airbending training while dealing with the dangers at large.

See now that sounds awesome to me, a totally different story built off the mythology instead of trying to send the old gang out for one more try. I also like that the problems are crime and an anti-bending revolution (very X-Men) instead of something lame like ZuKko is bad again and the Fire Nation are rising up. Not only is this a cool story on it's own but it'll be neat to see what happened to the original gang.

Fingers crossed here


Okay let me not front, I took this whole thing from TOPLESS ROBOT but I did it because the guy who writes the site Rob Bricken said nobody would care and I wanted to show him that at least one other person cares!! It turns out that actor Eric Allen Kramer, who played Thor in the Hulk Vs Thor TV movie is going to be in the new Thor film. Just like Mr. Bricken I to think that kicks a whole lot of ass.

For those who don't know after the end of The Incredible Hulk series Bill Bixby and the gang rounded up and did some movies to further the adventures of the green skinned hero. The Hulk met Thor and Daredevil, went on trial and finally died (that one pissed me the FUCK off because the Hulk dying from a helicopter fall is bullshit). No, they probably weren't very good by today's standards but I loved them and they still hold a place in my heart.

I'm not sure what Eric Allen Kramer is playing in Thor but it's one reason that I might go see it. There's little chance of this being a coincidence so whoever decided to bring him into the film deserves a big hug from every dork in the world. Oh and also Mr. Bricken good call on the Vincent D'nofrio idea as well.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010


So every year the most untalented shmucks in music The Insane Clown Posse have some big blow out show called The Gathering where all their fans, called Juggalos, hang out and get high and praise not just ICP but all the shit acts within their family. This year is the 11th Annual Gathering and the worst part of it is that Redman and Method Man have somehow been tricked into performing. To celebrate and promote the Gathering a seventeen minute infomercial has been put together and it inspired me to do a little truth vs fiction concept.

In their fictional world the Gathering is some mecca for underground music, where the best go to perform to kids who are there to absorb all kinds of experiences. That simply isn't the case, not at all. The only real reason to go is to maybe talk some decent girl with low self esteem into fucking you in clown paint or at least she'll stay awake long enough to blow you before passing out crying about how her dad hits her.

Think I'm wrong, watch the infomercial and then watch this video put together of actual Juggalos at an actual Gathering. The infomercial is long so once you have the point skip to the next video.



See the longer I examine the Juggalos and the Gathering the less I hate it and the more I see it as some kind of bizarre study. If this was performance art it would be brilliant, the fact that it's serious is sad. Don't forget the ICP preform this song with NO SENSE OF IRONY.

WOODY ALLEN Has a New Movie. Is It Already The End Of The Month?

The normal thirty days has passed since Woody Allen's last movie so let us jump right in with both feet to the trailer for You Will Meet A Tall Dark Stranger. In this film old men act weird, people get divorced, an uninspired writer gets inspired by a hot chick and his money obsessed wife finds a hot guy with money. Y'know I love old Woody Allen but recently all of his films have a similar if not repetitive vibe to them. Check out the trailer, see if you agree.

MARVEL COMICS Tries To Use Art To Save Their Movies....Idiots

Everybody knows art and film no longer belong together....yeesh. So after the unexcited response to the Thor stills and the geek nervous breakdown over the polished Captain America costume art the folks at Marvel I guess started panicking. See both of these movies are setting up to be real boils on the ass of Marvel's well aerobicized ass. If Thor plays out as silly as it looks and Captain America comes across like a teen heartthrob then neither film will work and the Avengers movie will be fucked. To try and drum up the good times Marvel released these concept art posters for San Diego Comic Con.

While these sure are nifty looking what Marvel doesn't get is that the visuals aren't what we're looking for. We want good, solid, well done representations of these characters on screen. You can have Natalie Portman (starring in Thor) naked, bent over with one of these painted on her back saying "I want you from behind Iann" and I still won't give these movies my approval.

Okay well maybe I would then get it.

IBRAHEEM YOUSSEF Makes Movie Posters I Want

Ibraheem Youssef is an artist who has made a name for himself doing minimalistic movie posters for various films. These aren't actually used by the movie studio because those folks would burst blood from their nipples if the movie poster didn't plaster a star's face all over it. Perhaps they should though because the posters cut down to the very essence of the movie as well as leave plenty to the imagination. Better yet lets let this guy write scripts and maybe all the falderall trying to hide that Hollywood is a artistically bankrupt cesspool teaming with soul sucking monsters will ebb away. Anyhoo, here are three of his posters for Scarface, The Big Lebowski and Inception. If you want more check out his amazing site WELCOME TO THE OBSESSION


I usually reserve this section to tirade on the endless shittiness of celebrities but this time I'm calling out a critic, a pretentious, jerk weed of a human being who is so calculated, so obvious and transparent in his attempts that it angers me. See I like people who differ in opinion from me, especially those who can back it up with actual reasons. Much to people's chagrin I'm not a guy who doesn't listen, crams my ideas down people's throats or refuses to see the other side. What I can't stand are fuckers like Armond White who spouts his shit just appear "counter" to popular opinion, which to him means he's got a deeper understanding of film.

White writes (a term I use loosely) for New York Press and has been a film professor as well as the head of the New york Film Critics Circle. This isn't some idiot looking for page hits or press, he honestly tries to push his opinions off as some kind of new way to look at film. He panned Toy Story 3 for championing commercialism and yet though Transformers 2 had tremendous "visual style"

Yeah okay right there this guy can suck my ass because all you need to know Transformers 2 had no style are eyes, ears help to. The guys over at /FILM, who i respect a lot, had White on their podcast and I must say they're a nicer bunch than me. About halfway through his ridiculously self-aggrandizing comments I would've beaten him to death with a film school textbook. Here's one his choice comments about Roger Ebert.

"I do think it is fair to say that Roger Ebert destroyed film criticism. Because of the wide and far reach of television, he became an example of what a film critic does for too many people. And what he did simply was not criticism. It was simply blather. And it was a kind of purposefully dishonest enthusiasm for product, not real criticism at all…I think he does NOT have the training. I think he simply had the position. I think he does NOT have the training. I’VE got the training. And frankly, I don’t care how that sounds, but the fact is, I’ve got the training. I’m a pedigreed film critic"

Wow, sour grapes anybody? My God what a cunt. Forget that he's insulting a guy like Ebert who has not only written scripts and clearly loves movies but also has half his face missing, White just sounds like a spoiled child. "I'm better, and I deserve it and this guy is a poop head" is essentially what this rant pans out to. Plus can you dig on the self importance here? Dude you're a fucking film critic, bring it down a thousand.

Here's what spilled out of White's mouth when asked by /Film if there are other critics we should listen to.

"I’ll answer you this way: If there were a whole bunch of critics who I thought were doing a good job, then I would stop. *laughs* Because really, the reason why I do what I do is because I think there are things that need to be said about movies, about culture, about the world, that nobody’s saying. And that’s why I do what I do."

The mind reels at the sheer level of this guy's ego. Listen up cheeseball you don't offer anything to the world, none of us do. From the most "pedigreed film critic" to us dumb yokels on the internet, what we do doesn't mean dick. We dance, shit and piss on somebody's art, usually when we haven't done anything even approaching it. I think the idea of critiquing movies is awesome, it's fun and it might even help people avoid really shitty films but to make it out as though you or I or anybody else doing this is part of the greater good is laughably insane.

Listen up White, and this is from just a kooky idiot behind a computer, you're an art school cunt, a fool who isn't good enough, hates himself and tries to deflect that by pissing on things and then saying you have more of a right because you're better than everybody else. You're that sad college professor who never got published, never did anything and now spends his time moaning how he's the better man and the world should see that.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a cunt towards film, music and all of that to. Christ I say outright that I'm a professional asshole. The difference is I don't take myself seriously, I understand my place in the greater universe and just how silly this all is. I pity you White, not just because you're obviously a sad little man but also because you honestly believe all of this. Plus you have shitty taste in movies.

Look at the picture, the guy even looks like a cunt.


Sure it's cool to see the zombies move around, sure it's cool to hear Robert Kirkman talk about the show and yes of course it kicks ass to see Frank Darabont directing the action. However, what's really cool is the intro by whatever MTV puppet they have in the beginning. Right behind him and to the left of the guy typing behind the mouth piece is the my old desk area when I worked there. Anyway here's the footage.

Right, cool huh? Okay maybe not as cool as the zombie stuff but still cool right? Ah fuck you.

Friday, July 16, 2010


As Hollywood continues to churn out movies that seek to do little more than try and drum up a spending frenzy it's easy to become jaded. When you do what I do, which is to place a critical eye on a world that breaks its arm patting itself on the back, the cynicism can run deep.

That cynicism almost made me miss the Jonah Hill, John C. Reilly, Marisa Tomei film Cyrus because I have become so sick of Jonah Hill doing, well, essentially "Jonah Hill". I also didn't want to see another kooky indie comedy with all the right scenes and people and shots starring Jonah Hill being nutty. I'm happy to report that's not what I saw when I finally sat down to view Cyrus.

What I did see was a film that lacked pretense and felt natural and very real. Often small independent films rely on the style of how the movie is shot instead of content(for examples watch anything Sofia Coppola has done). Cyrus does a very simple thing by giving us real characters going through a real story. Even the way the movie is shot is incredibly basic point the camera and shoot.

In Cyrus John C. Reilly plays a John, a depressed mess of a man who still pines for the ex-wife (Jamie played by Catherine Keener) he lost to divorce seven years ago. He meets the lovely and approachable Molly played by Marisa Tomei and the two begin a relationship that becomes complicated by Tomei's 22 year old son Cyrus (Jonah Hill) a man-baby mommas boy with a selfish streak so pronounced it boarders on cruel.

The storyline is simple and realistic and allows the actors to shine every step of the way. For the first time in ages Jonah Hill steps away from his shtick (including the perm) and just acts. Cyrus is loathsome in what he does but you don't hate him, you actually feel for him.

The way the script is laid out it would've been easy for Hill to make the character seem either too disturbed or too funny. Instead Hill walks a thin line perfectly that allows us to see how desperate his actions are and how dysfunctional Cyrus is but without vilifying him or making him so hammy it kills all the drama in the movie.

John C. Reilly also steps out of his comfort zone by forgoing his normal "quirky" behavior for more of straight performance. He doesn't chew scenes up here like he normally does, instead he lets the character ease out of him and blend with the other actors. Watching his character John struggle between the deep need to feel loved, his love for Tomei's Molly and the deck stacked against him by Cyrus is some of the best acting Reilly done in years.

The really champion of the movie is Maris Tomei who first of all is so real and so true that you believe somebody as beautiful as her as a single mother. Unlike Reilly and Hill, Tomei has much more to do and she does it effortlessly. So much of the back story between her and Cyrus comes from how she interacts with him, these little moments that show how dedicated she is.

Tomei does such a good job that you never feel like Molly is some stupid mother blinded by devotion. She's a woman who put her son first and has forgotten what it is to want something just for her. With that part of her gone Molly ignores what Cyrus is in order to hold on to what she feels is all she has.

When Molly meets Reilly, a man just as needy for love, it reawakens that part of her. Tomei delivers on all counts here making us somebody you root for not just to get with John but to also get her shit together with Cyrus. . It's a performance that stands toe to toe with her two costars.

The glue holding all of it together is Catherine Keener (can you not make an indie film without out her these days). You completely buy her guilt-driven devotion to John which in turn makes their relationship work. If it hadn't then the film would have totally fallen apart. Look for an awesome turn from Matt Walsh as Keener's new husband.

Script wise Cyrus could be seen as slight because it feels as if the actors are just talking, having real conversations. The script feels so unscripted I'm sure there will be those who think it's not a good script. For me I loved that everybody didn't have the perfect thing to say, that there isn't this one scene where it all works out, that everybody has to come to grips with their issues and that nothing is sure in life. Cyrus is uplifting and realistic at the same time. I didn't find one false moment in the movie at all.

Sure there are a couple of minor plot devices that feel forced but outside of nitpicking bullshit I was thoroughly charmed by Cyrus. Am I gushing, maybe I am but after a summer of loud, buzzing hollow movies it was nice to see a quiet film that just wanted to tell a story. Especially without any of the hipster bullshit that usually goes along with "indie" films.


Okay first off I gotta come clean, I totally stole that picture from /FILM. One of their writers posted a thing about how Ferris Bueller was just a figment of Cameron's imagination much like Brad Pitt to Ed Norton in Fight Club. I love the idea since Cameron was my favorite part of the movie anyway. Then the folks over at CLASSY HANDSedited together this trailer for it which kicks ass.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

SIGH....I Guess I Will Have To Buy A Bluray Player

My current DVD player is a small $30 job I bought at Target about four years ago. It works perfectly and it has given me no reason to go and buy a Bluray player. See most of the things I like, old serials, live bootlegs, documentaries won't be coming out on Bluray anytime soon. I figured why waste the money when most of the shit coming out I don't care about. My promise to myself was when Steven Spielberg got off his ass and released the Bluray JAWS I would break down and buy one.

Now the fuckers over at 20th Century Fox have unleashed this godlike Alien Bluray Anthology and now I have to rethink everything. There's too much shit to list what's on it but head over to AMAZON and you can get a full run down of what's involved plus pre-order it for 98 bucks instead of the 140 it'll cost when it's released on October 26th. Here's a close up of the normal and special edition packaging.



See ya, I gotta go steal some money outta my fiancee's purse.