FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD HIPSTER CUNT SPIDER-MAN

I know to some of you this is old hat, but I needed a couple of days to try and wade through exactly how I felt about this. So let me see if I have all of this correct because I tend to be kinda fucked up and I wanted to make sure I wasn't too far out of line. After firing Sam Raimi and deciding to re-boot Spider-Man the loser shitheels producers have decided to go with Andrew Garfield? This guy looks like a European underwear model and I'm supposed to believe he has trouble getting chicks?

So what's the tag line here? With Great Power Comes Axe Hair Gel and All Music Mix Tapes? This Garfield guy may be the greatest actor to take the stage (which I doubt) but he isn't Peter Parker, it just doesn't work. So is Aunt May an older lady who wears Betsey Johnson dresses, smokes weed and hits on Peter's friends? J. Jonah Jameson can be played by Alec Baldwin and maybe Green Goblin can be a German DJ who wears a big purple hat and a green loincloth. Seriously, how hip is too much.

If this Garfield guy walked into any high school the panties would be wet and dropping too ankles faster than he could stand it. He might get a radioactive STD but that's about it. Plus this guy hasn't done anything worth mentioning so why rest this on his shoulders. I smell a hope that he becomes the Taylor Lautner of 2012.