Tuesday, June 29, 2010

Bad Luck For SCREAM 4 And I Don't Care An Actress Goes Away

So some looker bitch chick who was in It's Complicated and set to play a cop or something in the Scream 4 unnecessary sequel basically being made because nobody that left that film has done shit since (oh wait Jamie whatshisass did that break dance movie, may bad). I don't give a flaming assfuck whether the film ever gets made I just reported this so I could use that clever title line.

And fuck YEAH it was clever.

Okay This Is The COOLEST FUCKING THING You'll See All Summer

RZA from Wu-Tang has done his own Kung Fu movie and it's the fucking ONE and goddamn I love this shit. Dig it:

If you don't like this then you're a fucking moron.



As both of you who read this blog know I'm not a huge Harry Potter fan. I read the first two books and while I agree they're well written they just didn't interest me. I don't care about Hogwarts or Quidditch or Voldemort or Slytherin or Dumbledore or the fact that even though I don't like these books or movies I know all this shit about them. Anyhoo the trailer for the final movie (which will be not only in two parts but also in 3D) got released and it looks like a fun little November romp. Dig it:

I'm amped to see the last 30 foot Emma Watson before she gives up acting for good. Yeah I think she's wicked hot and yes I feel like a dirty old man because of it...what's it to you?

The movie opens in November.

ALICE EVE Get's Frosty

You're welcome for the Alice Eve booby shot, I figured it'll help lessen the blow that she's been hired to play Emma Frost in X-Men: First Class which is supposed to be about the first year that Professor X opened the School For Gifted Children and started the X-Men. Um, last I checked even in the fucked up bullshit continuity of the X-Men Emma Frost and her white corset ass don't pop up until years later. Don't get me wrong I have nothing against Alice Eve, I don't think she's all that to look at and her acting chops I wouldn't serve to a rabid dog but I have nothing against her.

To be honest I don't actually give a shit about the X-Men. Sure I'm a huge Wolverine fan but the X-Men comics have been so fucked for so long in both writing and continuity that I long ago gave up. I didn't really like the first movie and while the second was okay it didn't turn me into a fan. The third I knew would be a huge smelly shit heap once Brett "God Somebody Kill Him" Ratner signed on to direct it.

To be honest I only used this story as an excuse to publish a titty shot.


So with DC Animated kind of in the rough right now thanks to people not buying their movies, I guess they've decided to go with the few that did sell. On the heels, well kind of, of Batman Under The Hood (Due out July 27th) comes Superman/Batman Apocalypse (September 28th). The last Superman/Batman movie Public Enemies was pretty awesome and apparently sold really well so BAM the DC folks are at it again. Here's the skinny on the plot:

After a spaceship splashes down in Gotham City Harbor, Batman and Superman encounter a mysterious Kryptonian with powers as great as those of the Man of Steel. The Kryptonian is soon revealed to be Kara, cousin of Superman, who takes her under his wing to educate her about the ways of Earth. However, the villainous Darkseid has other plans. Seeing an opportunity to finally defeat Superman, Darkseid abducts and gains control of Kara, utilizing the powerful Kryptonian to do his bidding. It's up to Batman and Superman to save Kara, but they'll have to take the fight to Darkseid within his hostile world - where unknown, deadly threats lurk around every corner, including a brainwashed Kryptonian able to match Superman blow-for-blow.

The best part is that Kevin Conroy will be performing Batman's voice and Tim Daly will handle Superman. Summer Glau (Chronicles of Sarah Conner) is voicing Supergirl but since I don't care about her saying anything besides "Again Iann? My poor body is so sore but you are soooo good that I can't say no" that doesn't matter much to me.

Friday, June 25, 2010

Debbie Gibson & Tiffany in a movie, but sadly not the Bill Hicks movie

I remember the days when Tiffany and Debbie Gibson were king of the charts, teenage cool makers and trend setters, the days when it seemed we'd always be alone now with our electric youth. Sadly those days are gone and after both stars appeared in Playboy and Debbie Gibson toured with the Circle Jerks (I was there or I would never have believed it, it's time for a slap fight with both eighties stars in the center

Now before you get the warm towels and lotion let me tell you that it's not a fight between these two. Instead Syfy has teamed the two for Mega Python Vs Gatoroid. Since both have played "scientists" in other syfy "movies" I'm curious if they'll be playing the same characters as before. As much fun as all this sounds I must defer to Bill Hicks Debbie Gibson/Tiffany movie. Go to 7:23 in the video below and see if this doesn't sound WAY better.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010


I've tried, I really have tried to get into the whole Scott Pilgrim vibe and I just can't do it, it just doesn't work for me. From the day these blasted comics came out I've been bombarded on all sides by people having orgasms over Scott Pilgrim and his battle for some ill bitch he doesn't know. I read the first book and thought it was cute, the way you see a Hamster in a pet store and for a millisecond you think "aww cute" and then the thought vanishes. I never thought these mediocrely drawn half assed teen stories would amount to anything and boy was I wrong.

Now there are six of these books and a big time motion picture on the way starring Michael Cera and a bunch of other people all looking to bring these books to life. I watched the trailers and at first got amped for the movie, so much so I tried to read the other books and again failed to generate much excitement. For the longest time I never knew why but after a lot of soul searching it finally came to me. The entire idea of Scott Pilgrim is lame, seriously just annoyingly indie and stupid.

The story, for the six of you who haven't been overloaded with it, is that Scott Pilgrim is some indie jerkwad sweater dink loser who falls for a girl who has seven evil ex-lovers he has to fight in order to stay with her. Yep, that's it, that's the story. People can waste their breath spewing the deeper subtext but essentially it's all about this dork fighting other guys for some chick he just met. This is why 90% of the people into these books are chicks because chicks want a guy so whipped he'll do battle just for the pleasure of being inside her. Oh and Pilgrim also takes all the shit this chick dishes out on him.

See Scott is such a loser that you start rooting for the other lovers to beat his whining punk ass. I don't mean to sound overly macho (which I really can't being that I'm writing about this) but I'd have to be in love and with a long history to fight some dude to the death over a chick. In the story Scott barely knows her and yet he's so smitten and such a loser he decides to fight these psychos for her? Every man instinct I had screamed to put these books down before my nuts shrivled up.

Then there's the chick herself, Ramona Flowers. In the book and especially the movie she's some moody indie bitch who looks like she thinks she shits diamonds. Well she does change her hair color and wear goggles on her head. Um, neat? When she meets Scott she's really fucked up to him and he has to do some song and dance to win her over. I mean in the film she's pretty but way too cool for school. The kind of girl who wouldn't have a problem with anal but wouldn't shave her legs because that's selling out to the man. Look at the picture, tell me I'm wrong:

Then there's the fact they're supposed to be young and she already has seven ex-lovers? What kind of a fall down whore is she and how used is she? I'd be afraid I'd beat the last guy stick my dick in her and lose it to whatever lava was flowing out of her. Hey pulling on a wad of blue hair when you're riding from behind may rock but not hard enough to lose my cock to. Plus how good is this relationship going to be if every lover she's had is gunning for your head. What kind of mind games does this blue haired jezebel play?

I don't care if she makes me cum so hard I wake up days later in Mexico with a tattoo, a missing tooth and laying on a pound of cocaine, no chick is worth all this misery. Oh and save the love at first sight shit, it's still no reason to go through all of this crap for one girl when you don't know her. Why doesn't she fight the ex-lovers and how is her type so wide and varied and how am I supposed to believe she's finally found perfection in Scott Pilgrim.

None of it makes any sense and unless you have a pussy you'll hate it to. These are like the comic equivalent of the Twilight books. Anybody who likes these is really a sixteen year old girl on the inside who wishes she could have a super dorky indie guy like Scott who is so whipped he'll do anything just for a blow job and a groovy mix tape. Call me unromantic, call me an asshole but Scott Pilgrim Versus The World is a bunch of stir fried shit made up to look like something special.


Man sometimes it just doesn't pay to get out of bed. Al Williamson, one of the greatest artists and inkers in the history of comic passed away at 79. It's impossible to tell how far Williamson's reach has been, he's influenced two generations of comic book artists as well as leaving a pantheon of work that will not easily be duplicated. From his X-9 series to his work on Flash Gordon, Star Wars and his amazing inks for Spider-Man, Hulk and Daredevil. Nobody comes close to Al Williamson.

For me being a huge fan of the Golden Age of comics artists like Williamson define that entire era. His early work for the EC Comics titles like Weird Science and Weird Fantasy took what had already been laid out to an entirely new arena. It was there Williamson earned his stripes to later go on doing breakthrough work for Eerie and Creepy before landing on Secret Agent X-9. From there Williamson created amazing work for Star Wars comics before focusing on inking for Marvel.

Williamson received Will Eisner awards for inking in 1996 and 1997 as well being inducted into the Eisner Hall Of Fame in 2000. That in itself is no small feat and shows just how well respected and loved the man was. Williamson helped me understand just how important inking was for the world of comic books and helped raise the art from from a second tier occupation to something just as important as the pencils themselves.

I also loved how Al Williamson could flow from style to style. His rougher work in the early books through his more refined Star Wars stuff you could tell there was an artist at work, a man who loved comic books and all they meant to people. His life was as inspiration and his death a tragedy. More so than my rambling I'll let his work speak for itself.


I refuse to give this ill bitch a name because as far as I'm concerned she's so reprehensible I cannot fathom why nobody has stuck a shotgun up her vag and pulled the trigger. Really, I mean how fucking filled with black poison does your soul have to be to hire a camera crew to take pictures of your husband with tubes tuck in him as his life slowly ebbs away? What did poor Gary Coleman ever do that this shrew bitch of a human being was dumped into his life.

First of all few if any celebrities had as fucked up a life and as unfair a mound of shit to eat as Gary Coleman. That guy couldn't walk outside for ice cream without bad luck running up and slapping his nuts as hard as could be. To top all of that off Coleman searches for love with a woman I'm sure is comprised of demon feces, as in a demon squatted down and took a huge slimey shit, gave it red hair and eyes and sent it after poor Gary Coleman.

I loved that she called the cops on Coleman for domestic abuse. How? How exactly did Coleman manage to abuse this monster? This bitch is built like a linebacker with GLOW Girl aspirations and yet Coleman beat her up? What did he do stand on a step ladder and slap her in her busted mug? And by the way check out this monsters fucking teeth:

Sharks don't drop that much gum during an attack. Coleman looks so happy there, man if only he knew how bad life was about to get. I fully believe this deadbeat whore pushed Gary Coleman down and then had a nice meal before calling 911 and giving that rambling message. She's so fucked evil she doesn't even try to hide how much she doesn't care in the call. She admits she won't go down because there's too much blood and she sounds so cold on the phone you'd think her hamster was throwing up blood not her dying husband's brains everywhere.

Then to make shit worse she takes photographs like this at the hospital:

REALLY!? That shit isn't illegal? Oh no wait the illegal stuff went down when this tribute to all things cunt decided to pull the plug on Coleman even though in his will he wanted to wait 15 days, a little thing she ignored. PLUS the bitch wasn't even his wife at this point, she had no right to do anything but go home and stroke the tentacles that I'm sure emanate from deep within her box. The best is that nobody stopped her, nobody stepped in and told her to fuck right off and then shoved the camera up her ass and started shooting.

With Coleman barely cold in the ground the bitch starts rattling her saber that he wanted her to have everything, even producing a bogus note he supposedly wrote saying he was sorry for everything. HE was SORRY? HEEE WAAASSSS SORRRY? I can't believe how evil and vile this woman is, she must have black diseases as blood, that's all that makes sense. I know she killed him and did it to squander what little tiny bit of money he had left. I hope this bitch dies by being slowly cut to pieces with a rusty razor but until then



For all ten of you who read my blog some of you might know that on June 26th I'm moving to Cincinnati Ohio with my fiancee in order to get the fuck out of the hell hole that is Boston. There's lots to do out there, a cool music scene plus you can actually live nicely without making a bazillion dollars a month. One of the coolest thing out there was Touchdown Jesus a 50 foot statue of Jesus that started out of the ground at his waist and showed the savior raising his hands up to God.

Most of what made this cool was how it was only half of Jesus and he looked like he was either sinking in quicksand or raising his arms to say TOUCHDOWN. Yesterday lightening struck the statue and it burned down completely. I realize the Biblical ironies are many but it was still kind of sad. Happily they say they'll rebuild Touchdown Jesus soon. Here's footage of it burning.

And Now For No Reason: KATY PERRY

I'm starting a new section here titled And Now For No Reason mainly because there's always random shit that hits me or I get that doesn't fit in anywhere else. Like this recent discovery of Katy Perry and how outside of her luscious titties and hot body she's kind of ugly. Want proof, here she is looking down:

Seeing this and you think goddess, totally unapproachable goddess who you'd fight armies for. The kind of girl you wish would notice you and fall in love with you even though you're a dork with a belly who loves comics and sci-fi. You have repeated daydreams about how you two fall in love, the hot sex and how she'd never leave you. All in all dream girl.

Then look at this photo

Suddenly now she looks like a common whore with too much makeup. The kind of girl who'd do the same thing for dinner and a movie as she would for a house in the Hamptons. You'd spend the 10.50 to take her to pizza hut because it'll lead to fucking in your car but tonight you have other plans. You're not worried though, she'll still be outside the bar tomorrow with smeared make up crying that he promised he would call and she's not a slut, she's just not.

I think it's her face. Looking down she looks sexy, looking straight ahead she looks common...hot...but common.


This is anew shirt called The Nerd Alphabet and it kicks a lot of ass. I got most of them, try to see how many you get. I'd buy this shirt except it only comes in the flimsy thin material made for fat guys who don't care, muscle guys who care to much or those goddamned skinny people than can wear anything. On average humps like me it just looks weird. If you fall into any of those categories then check out THREADLESS to buy one,


Despite all the odds or maybe because there wasn't shit to see this weekend, the Karate Kid remake made a zillion dollars and when the studio execs circle jerk was done it was time to make a sequel. The director is down, of course and I'm sure it won't be hard to get Jackie Chan and Big Willie Style JR into the mix. Add the speed a crappy script can be pumped out, the speed of shooting a cash-in turd and then the time allotted to make it 3D (cause you KNOW they will). I'm thinking summer 2011, either pre or post Captain America/Thor we'll see it. Being that I need some quick bucks I've written my own treatment for the sequel:

Big Willie Style JR is now king shit in his Chinese school after pounding the bullies. He has a girlfriend, a posse, everything he needs to make it in China. One day when he comes to Jackie Chan's house he discovers him packing saying he has to go to America because his estranged son is in trouble with the law. Big Willie Style JR says he'll go to and off they travel to America.

Once there they discover Jackie Chan's kid played by Harold from Harold & Kumar owes a lot of money to some drug lord named Kreese. Turns out after his karate schools closed Kreese teamed up with Mickey Rourke to cook and sell Crystal Meth. Harold was a delivery guy who lost a shipment and now owes Kreese.

Meanwhile LA Detective Daniel LaRusso (played by Ralph Macchio) has been investigating Kreese, not forgetting that it was Crystal Meth that killed Mr. Miyagi one awful night long ago.

Still driving the yellow car Detective LaRusso hears about a deal going down and shows up to find Big Willie Style JR and Jackie Chan beating up a bunch of Kreese's boys who are trying to kill Harold. Detective LaRusso helps them escape and decides if Harold will turn over states evidence they can put him in witness protection.

The problem is the FBI guy assigned to the case is Johnny Lawrence (William Zabka) and his long hatred of Larusso forces him to snitch to Kreese.

Kreese kidnaps Big Willie Style JR and forces him into a death match ring against other karate guys. Big Willie Style JR wins his first match and manages to get the beautiful young girl who works with Kreese (played by Megan Fox) to get a message to Jackie Chan and Detective LaRusso.

Meanwhile FBI agent Johnny Lawrence strikes a deal with Kreese that when Larusso shows up they can fight to the death.

Recalling his old moves Larusso and Chan fight their way through all the guards and make it to the death cage match just in time to see a big guy hit a killing blow to Big Willie Style JR. It's okay though because Big Willie Style JR is really a mutant with healing power so he comes back and kills the bad guy.

Johnny Lawrence confronts Larusso and Kreese goes after Chan in a huge epic battle around the bad guy's lair. Suddenly Mickey Rourke appears dressed as the Wrestler and is about to do a flying elbow to Jackie Chan's head.

Big Willie Style JR can't help until the door blows in and Robert Downey JR dressed as Iron Man steps in with Samuel L Jackson's Nick Fury. They toss Big Willie Style JR the Thor hammer and he uses it to kill Mickey Rourke.

Meanwhile Chan is about to beat Kreese when the long haired guy from Karate Kid III steps in to double team him. Larusso is about to kill Johnny Lawrence but instead just honks his nose making Johnny understand it's wrong to be bad. Johnny jumps up and grabs the Captain America shield from Nick Fury and uses it to knock out pony tail guy.

Chan, Larusso, Johnny Lawrence and Big Willie Style JR surround Kreese and do a four way Crane Technique that kills him. Everybody runs outside where Elisabeth Shue and Hilary Swank are standing there saying that they're lesbian lovers who need help killing genetically altered piranha. They agree except Nick Fury asks Johnny Lawrence to be the new Captain America, which he agrees to and leaves with them.

Jackie Chan and Big Willie Style JR take Megan Fox to where the piranha are and after a vicious battle where they use karate moves to beat down the fish Hilary Swank and Elisabeth Shue get it on with Megan Fox.

Jackie Chan is bored until suddenly a giant Transformer lands and says he must help them fight the Decepticons so he leaves. Big Willie Style JR leaves the lesbian boat and heads back to China where he's greeted by Jeff Goldblum who wants to train him to fly fighter jets against an alien invasion.

Meanwhile Harold has become Larusso's cop partner and the two trade funny barbs while trying to stop a new drug lord played by Russell Brand dressed as The Joker. Right before the credits Will Smith shows up dressed in his Men In Black outfit and uses the laser pointer on the audience so we all forget what we've just seen and can see again and again.

I think it's a winner

Trailer For New SOFIA COPPOLA Movie. The One Trick Pony Strikes Again

I know this is going to anger the indie hipster crowd but Sofia Coppola is really starting to annoy me. This is the new trailer for her movie Somewhere and it's the exact same feel, look and even story as Lost In Translation. This time the suffering movie star isn't old and fading like Bill Murray but young and bad-boy Stephen Dourff.

The innocent and sweet girl isn't forgotten wife Scarlett Johanson but forgotton daughter Elle Fanning. Instead of a quiet "lo-fi" story of two people who can't figure each other out in a girl/boy way it's two people who can't figure each other out in a father/daughter way. Seriously what is her fascination with celebrity and trying desperately to humanize them or make us feel bad because they have shitty lives along with lots of money and fame?

Coppola did some interesting things with The Virgin Suicides but that movie was panned so she just stole a bunch of tricks from ex-husband Spike Jonze and mixed them with the "indie" vibe of overly kooky and incredibly pretentious filmmaking. This movie plays like a handbook for indie movies.

Step 1: Find an actor who needs a comeback and put him in film

Step 2: Write an incredibly average story but fill it with lots of angsty shots and people making cool statements at each other but not really talking

Step 3: Make the title ambiguous enough that somehow it seems deep when placed over the movie

Step 4: Edit and market it to feel like a movie you need to be initiated into enjoying so that even though it's not anything new you feel the need to defend it at the bar with your other black framed glasses buddies with New Kids On The Block retro shirts between sips of dollar PBR

Here watch this thing and tell me I'm wrong (wait until after the commercial for Predators)

This entire movie is them going someplace, looking forlorn, traveling someplace, looking forlorn, traveling someplace, looking forlorn. You can almost feel the "God gimmie an oscar" false earnestness dripping off of Dorff. The two stop traveling long enough to have a forced kooky good natured scene like the vomitous underwater tea party.

This is her first film in four years and all it is is a re-tread of Lost In Translation. The worst of all of it will be the hipster dribble about how brilliant it is.

I hate everything


Okay maybe it's not the super cool action shot you wanted. I'm just happy because it's not yet another zombie shot, that was getting annoying. I have to say having read Walking Dead from the first issue this Andrew Lincoln dude looks awesome as Rick Grimes, this seriously looks like a shot right out of the book. I hope he and the rest of the cast do it justice because I would love for the series to take off.


Hey I'm not gay or anything but I'm trying to get more cheesecake reading my blog and what better way than Ryan Reynolds super hot buff body. So Robert Rodriguez has been offered the Deadpool movie and...well...that's about it. I was just excited because for the first time in a long while I haven't read superhero movie news that made me shit my pants in anger. Seriously, after the ET report on Thor I had to start wearing depends and my girl left because the house always smelled like shit and rage. It was nice to sit down today with a clean set of adult diapers because I don't give a shit (pun intended) about the Deadpool movie.

To me Robert Rodriguez and his stupid hat can't direct traffic much less a decent movie. Yeah yeah you can dazzle me with Desperado but since then he hasn't done shit worth anything. I am a little interested in this Predators movie but I'm still half sure it'll suck ass. Deadpool is among the stupidest characters Marvel ever came up with. Ryan Reynolds is the perfect choice to play a character I'm supposed to love because he cracks kooky wise comments before killing people. Rodriguez will milk the stupidity for all it's worth and add his usual level of violence. I'm sure lots of people will love it, I won't but my bowels will stay full because I don't care.

HUGH JACKMAN To Make A...bbbppt....A...A.....thhbbbttt.....movie....HAHAHAHAHAHA

I'm sorry, no really, just a second...let me catch my breath...hoooo yaaah!! Look I know even gay Hugh Jackman could get more ass than me on my best day and I'm sure at one point he could've walked down a road where he became a great actor but man are those days gone. As you can see from the above photo our buddy Hugh is now in a robot boxing movie, I shit you not. Apparently in the movie Jackson is a former boxer who gets "one last shot" (GROAN) by teaming with his estranged son to build a super fighting robot action machine.

Seriously? I mean holy fuck really? Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Robots now as serious cinema? If you're going to have a fighting robot movie then just have a fighting robot movie, don't try to humanize because I promise you anybody going to see a fighting robot movie isn't interested in the human drama. I would love to be in on the meetings where this shit gets decided on. All I can guess is the filmmakers hire a hot as balls hooker who gives the kind of head where sunshine streams out of her mouth. Then right as the executive is about to bust a nut in her face she stops and puts the contract in front of him and says sign.

Whatever, I'm going to go back to laughing.

Friday, June 11, 2010

RALPH MACCHIO Come Back Movie Is Funny But A Little Too Nail-On-The-Head

This isn't nearly as brilliant as the Weird Al Yankovic story but it's still pretty funny. I think if it had been a little less on point it would've have hit harder but what the hell it's still clever. Here it is:

SHADOWLAND Is Giving Me A Nerd Boner!!

It's not often that I get amped about an event series, especially since the end of Blackest Night. However the upcoming Shadowland series coming from Marvel has me excited mainly because it looks to be developing into something that might actually change the Marvel Universe. The way things are unfolding it looks like Daredevil might be letting his new leadership of The Hand get to him in a big, big way. Check out how the art work leads to some pretty cool shit.

See how fucked up things seem to go. I'm hoping that Daredevil loses his shit and becomes a villain at least for the foreseeable future. It would work because Daredevil's mental state has been breaking down for awhile and this whole Hand arc has pushed him to do things he's never done before. Granted Marvel could blow the whole thing but for now let's hope it turns out to be as kick ass at it seems.

DC'S Desperation Is Showing

Okay before you all get hard ons this isn't a real picture of Ryan Reynolds as Green Lantern but some fan mock up, thus far the only photo was that weird one of Reynolds walking around in a Grey CGI suit. Anyway this little diatribe is mainly about how fast DC is rushing into production for their heroes. The whole thing is stinking of desperation on DC's part to try and go toe to toe with the Marvel franchises. The problem is DC is putting the horse way before the cart.

Green Lantern hasn't even finished principal photography and already writers Greg Berlanti, Michael Green and Marc Guggenheim have been ass tapped to write the sequel. Not to mention they're already hard at work trying to crank out a Flash idea. First of all why plan a sequel to a movie that hasn't come out yet unless you're trying to crank them out as fast as you can. I'm also curious why the same writers are in charge of slapping together Flash. This comes across less like a think tank and more like a gaggle of writers the studios can control.

First off Marvel is enjoying a lot of this success because they are building on forward momentum provided by the fact that Thor, Captain America, Iron Man and Hulk all intertwine and will ultimately come to fruition in the Avengers movie. Marvel is also trying to coordinate with the movie companies that own Spider-Man, Daredevil and The Fantastic Four so when those movies are rebooted they will fall into the fold allowing for an entire universe of movies.

DC doesn't have that luxury and they seem to be wasting their time worrying about getting anything off the ground. Say they have Flash and Green Lantern appear in each others movie...then what? There's no way Christopher Nolan will have his Batman involved in that so at best it'll be Batman 4 (Nolan is leaving after 3) before the Dark Knight is involved and that'll be 2015 or later. The other problem is that Nolan's Batman movies are so good they've polarized the franchise. Who the hell is going to step to Batman now? Who would dare to dumb it down to a standard superhero movie and who would dare try to continue from what's been done?

Then there's Superman, nobody has any idea when the next Superman reboot will hit theaters or even if anybody will care. Add all that to no Wonder Woman movie even on the drawing board yet and suddenly the intertwining of DC movies seems silly. They won't have a JLA movie for a long time and by then won't Ryan Reynolds be a little long in the tooth to play Green Lantern so it'll be reboot time.

What DC needs to do is forget going toe to toe with Marvel and just create their own little film franchises. The first thing up is to reestablish Superman as a money making franchise by striking a confluence between serious and fun much like the Richard Donner original. Make Superman a good time again and let people rediscover him as a movie character. Then move on to Wonder Woman, bring her to life so that DC's big three all have movies out.

Where as Marvel is churning movies out like fast food DC should focus on being fine dining. Don't cross pollinate their films, don't focus on a JLA movie, instead make films for their heroes individually and make them amazing ala The Dark Knight. If not then most of the new DC films will end up on the same junk pile as Steel, Superman Returns and so on.

I Would See This Movie

I loved Futurama the series but wasn't really too amped on the movies. Being let down by those I had no real excitement at the idea of the new series being launched. So I haven't really followed much of it but this photo drawn by GOTTABECAARL is really in line with the the aspects that made Futurama great so I had to post it.

Thursday, June 10, 2010

SYFY'S PHANTOM Can Go Fuck Itself

I'd love to sit down with the think tank behind this shitty relaunch of The Phantom and between bouts of smashing their testicles with a hammer ask them what the hell fuck they were thinking when coming up with this awful idea. Did one guy stand up and say "I have an idea that totally SUCKS" and then somebody else said "And I can FUCK it up even worse!!" Why does The Phantom look like one of the cops from the new Star Trek movie or a member of Daft Punk? Plus his arch nemesis is a wacko, brilliant, nutty, deadly head of a global corporation? How fucking original!!

I thought nothing could out-gay the Michal Chiklis debacle No Ordinary Family but I was WRONG!! Think I'm overreacting? Watch this trailer.

See, it's shockingly bad even for SYFY. Let's hope this goes the way of Birds Of Prey and other awful superhero shows.

THOR Footage Is Cool, Interviewer Is CUNT

Seriously? I mean really fucking seriously? Everybody and their brother has been waiting to see some kind of footage of Thor and this is what we get? Entertainment Tonight sent this douche bag to the set with the interviewing skills of an aborted fetus with a hollowed out skull. This scum sucking shit cunt actually asked if Chris Hemmsworth had ever seen Natalie Portman rap? Right then and there Hemmsworth shoulda buried the Thor hammer in this fuckers skull.

I was also weirded out that Odin has an eye patch. I'm one of the few nerds on gods earth that finds eye patches to be stupid. Exactly how can the Father Of All Gods not fix his eye booboo? The fact that it sticks on without a strap reminds me more of a cheap Battlestar Galatica prop than some cool part of Norse mythology. Anyway, here's the footage:

Tuesday, June 8, 2010


I'm so fucking amped on this I could shit a Tardis!! The Doctor Who spin-off series Torchwood has been given ten new episodes coming off of the awesome Children Of Earth run. Here's the press statement:

BBC Cymru Wales, BBC Worldwide and US premium entertainment network, Starz Entertainment, have today announced a three way co-production partnership that will develop a new series of the hit BBC sci-fi drama Torchwood. BBC Worldwide will also distribute the series to broadcasters globally.

The 10-episode instalment will be written by a team led by Torchwood creator, Russell T Davies, and produced by BBC Worldwide Productions. Davies and BBC Worldwide Productions' SVP Scripted, Julie Gardner, return as executive producers with BBC Worldwide Productions EVP Jane Tranter. The series has been commissioned by Controller BBC ONE, Jay Hunt, Controller BBC Drama, Ben Stephenson, and Starz President and CEO, Chris Albrecht.

While previous series were based on location in Cardiff, Wales, this new installment will see storylines widen to include locations in the U.S. and around the world. John Barrowman and Eve Myles will return in their roles as Captain Jack and Gwen respectively, along with new faces.

I'm amped on this for a multitude of reasons but the main was is I get to continue watching John Barrowman rock shit the right way as Captain Jack. It's been a really long time since a character was so charming, complex as well as kicking serious amounts of ass. Only the British could have an action hero who is bi-sexual (and into aliens as well) plus make him goofy and funny instead of Dark And Melancholy. Want further proof John Barrowman is THE ONE!! Dig this and be silenced:


A few weeks ago I brought you a hysterical news story covering TEEN WEREWOLVES, which I would have never believed was true save for it being on an actual news station. Well following up on that stupidity the dudes over at TOPLESS ROBOThave come across this slice of fucking genius:

This little video is so awesome that I don't know if I believe it's real, or at least I don't want to. See if this kid saw the original Teen Werewolves story and did this whole thing as a piss take then he's Monty Python/Andy Kaufman brilliant. If this kid is serious then I weep openly for the future of this world.

Apparently THOR Will Split Time Between Avengers & The WWE

I know this picture of Thor's new movie costume hit a while back but something about it sat wrong with me so I waited to post it. At first I just thought it was the total lack of imagination on the bottom half, how it seemed the costume designers either ran out of time or money but that wasn't it. The costume reminded me of something but I couldn't figure out what. Then it hit me, of course, how simple. The bottom half of Thor's movie outfit looks like The Undertaker from the WWE. Think I'm wrong, dig it.

You take away the Undertaker logo on his pants and you have Thor's pants. Thor's whole suit now reminds me of a bad wrestlers costume, one from the eighties era where the characters were bigger than life. Imagine entrance music hitting that sounds like Viking Folklore and then movie Thor strutting down the ramp towards an awaiting Macho Man Randy Savage or Hulk Hogan. He'd be called Erik The Viking and whenever he got into trouble he'd illegally use his Hammer Of Thor without the ref seeing. Putting that spin on it the Thor movie now seems wicked silly.


I remember the days when Star Wars didn't suck and recently the Empire Strikes Back celebrated its 35 Anniversary as the last entirely awesome Star Wars movie (if you remember Jedi had Ewoks...nuff said). With that in mind I give you this kick ass T-shirt from SPLIT REASON featuring a pretty twisted view of saving Luke's life via Tauntaun innards. Dig it: