Monday, April 12, 2010

Superhero Movies New.....Ah Who Fucking Cares Anymore?



Well it was bound to happen, seriously, are we at all surprised at any of this? When Superhero movies first started rising in popularity e.g. X-Men, Spider-Man, Batman Begins they weren't big enough hits to make the studios do more than cast a passing glance at a genre they figured could do okay in the theaters and possibly make the real money in DVD sales. Then along came Dark Knight and Iron Man, two movies that crushed the box office. Suddenly the studios were all involved, even buying up superhero t-shirts so they could sit in San Diego Comic Con and pretend "Hey dudes, we've always loved comics".

Whenever the studios get involved movies go from inspirational stories created by folks with artistic vision to game plans, marketing strategies, market research, focus groups, budget vs return analysis and so on. Essentially it becomes movies-by-committee and usually those committees don't have a single artistic vision amongst them. These people take cultural trends, "it" celebrities and combine it with finding people who will play the game.

Thusly instead of comic book movies made by people who love them we get superhero movies made by people looking to turn a buck. Sure Jon Favreau will remain in control of Iron Man and Chris Nolan will hold onto the next Batman movie but that'll be it. Favreau has already been squeezed out of The Avengers movie and Nolan has announced that the next Batman movie will be his last, leaving the studio free to screw it up.

With the studios now in control we can see the effects it's having on the new crop of superhero movies. First of all the dead-in-the-water Captain America movie which has Joe Johnston directing it, Chris Evans as Cap, some Gossip Girl kid as Bucky and now this unknown english looker as Peggy. The movie is going to suck, it's clear it will. Then we have Green Lantern with Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan another Gossip Girl star as the love interest and some crappy villain choices.

Now comes the news that the Green Lantern suit will most likely be all CGI. Yep, why try to make the suit work when we can punch it up on the old computer. This once again shows that the studio is looking to make a special effects bonanza that will leave script and story by the wayside. I mean any studio that would hire Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan is looking for the beefcake factor, not who is best for the movie.

Along those same lines is the new re-boot of Spider-Man, a total movie studio call to try and make the movies more teen friendly. After all teens spend way more fucking money than anybody else so why not dumb everything down to serve them. First of all the get Marc Webb to direct and while I loved 500 Days Of Summer, it's clear he was hired to give the movie a hip vibe. He's never directed action so why else would you give him an action heavy film? Then there's this little bit of news.

The person you see above is Logan Lerman, a current "it" boy amongst young ladies suffering their first pangs of sexual desire, who has been in a short lived series (Jack & Bobby) and a terrible movie (Percy Jackson And The Lightening Thief). This kid's name is being slung around as either 100% yes or 100% no for being Peter Parker because girls think he's cute and probably because the studio slime couldn't figure out how to get Justin Bieber to star. The reason for this teeny bopper Spidey is that the entire movie will be focused on kooky high school Peter Parker who has to fight crime but also deal with bullies, chicks and homework. Awesome, it'll be She's All That with a webslinger.

While people go back and forth about whether this Lerman kid is Spider-Man or if it's somebody else they all seem to be missing the point. It's over, the superhero being realized on film is done, kaput, all finished. What we're going to get now is a slew of badly done high budget, opening weekend jerk off sessions that try to...well this is how the studios would phrase it:

"optimize return on the studios investment by focusing on what our research and marketing people tell us is at the forefront of pop culture right now. Using the data given through various means of gathering intel we should be able to maximize prophets vis-a-vis food tie ins, toys, video games, clothing and accessories will minimizing costs through reduction of unnecessary elements such as script, director or skilled acting talent."

I hate everything

No comments:

Post a Comment