Tuesday, April 20, 2010

KICK ASS Gets Its Ass Kicked By An Animated Dragon (Maybe There Is Hope)


Sometimes the people of America do me proud and this, this is one of those times. Kick Ass is a bad movie, not an amoral one as Ebert wrote just a bad one. Granted it didn't have much of a chance because the original comic book source material was pretty crappy but man did the movie SUCK. I could go deeper into why but I'd rather you read my review over at CRAVEONLINE. Despite the obvious flaws the "geek" community was masturbating over this movie at an alarming rate. Corporate shill sell out weasels like Harry Knowles from ain't-I-up-for-sale....oh sorry i mean aintitcool.com were blowing their loads all over this film, setting it up to be a summer smash face blockbuster.

And then reality set in.

It is true that Kick Ass took the number one spot during its opening weekend but only but a slim margin and that was over How To Train Your Dragon, an animated kids movie in its second or third week of release. I was so proud, after all that fucking dick-sucking hype the people spoke and said "Yeah, fuck this movie". Granted all the Hollywood swine are trying to keep a chipper attitude about the whole thing by rolling out their usual line of excuses including trying to break down costs versus returns and all this other double talk that essentially means behind closed doors these industry cunts are saying "FUCK THIS MOVIE!! IT DIDN'T DO SHIT!!" Even Kick Ass comic writer Mark Millar got into the back peddling game with this quote:

"We’re looking at a very nice profit here and word of mouth is spectacular — the reviews being among the best I’ve ever seen — and so we’re all very proud to find ourselves in this position. Positive advance reviews had some people hoping for a $25 million domestic opening. I wanted ‘Avatar’ numbers myself, but as Matthew sensibly pointed out, we were made on a Tarantino budget and should be more than happy with Tarantino numbers."

WOW, does that sound like some placating bullshit or what? With The Losers opening this weekend, A Nightmare On Elm Street the following and the mammoth Iron Man 2 the weekend after that Kick Ass will soon be a sad and crappy memory. The best part is this box office failure means there won't be a Kick Ass 2. It also means that all these ass kissing geek sites can fuck right off.

I love being right.

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