Sometimes, sometimes it is fucking glorious to be alive. Sometimes things come down the pike that make me so happy I get a giant raging hard on for no reason. Today that happened with the early reviews for M. Night Shyamalan's live action version of The Last Airbender. See I hate me some Shammalammadingdong because, well, because he sucks a whole lot of ass. None of his film have been very good, most of them relying on the whole stupid "twist" thing to carry them through. I could go through why I hate his films but that's more of a story for another time. It also doesn't help that he's a pretentious, narcissistic windbag.
Why I'm rejoicing so much now is because after the giant shit sandwich that was The Happening, the light was slowly dimming on M. Night's career as nothing he did made a fucking DIME. His big ticket back to safety was this Last Airbender movie and apparently it sucks giant throbbing cocks so maybe he'll go work at Starbucks and stop making movies. The best part is I don't even have to tell you, I can let fellow critics speak for me:
The Last Airbender looks as if it could have been made by the spoiled son of a studio mogul willing to waste gobs of money--TOM LONG Detroit News
Everything about this film is so mind-bogglingly stupid, I barely know where to begin!--CHIRS BUMBRAY JoBlo's Movie Emporium
It's rare to see a film so choppily edited, poorly scripted and spastically directed that you can barely understand what you're watching.--RAFER GUZMAN Newsday
The picture is crammed with big-budget CGI -- it seems determined to command our interest through sheer technological will--KURT LODER MTV
This is bad filmmaking and bad storytelling. It also sounds what should be the death knell to M. Night Shyamalan's career--JAMES BERARDINELLI Reelviews
The long-winded explanations and clumsy performances are made worse by graceless effects and a last-minute 3-D conversion that wrecks whatever visual grace or beauty might have been there--AO SCOTT NEw York Times
The Last Airbender is an agonizing experience in every category I can think of and others still waiting to be invented.--ROGER EBERT Chicago Sun Times
This is a catastrophic failure – a film that has sparked furious debate between critics as to whether this is the worst movie of the year or only the worst of the summer--MASSWYRM Ain't It Cool News
I'm going to speak plainly in a language everyone can understand. M. Night Shyamalan's THE LAST AIRBENDER is a hate crime against film lovers. No one should ever have to endure what I was unexpectedly put through yesterday afternoon watching this murky 3-D shitstorm of a movie that appears to have been shot through unflushed toilet bowl water, which, upon reflection, seems 100 percent appropriate.--CAPONE Ain't It Cool News
I haven't seen it yet and though I'd love to add my two cents to all this I probably won't. So far this wretched worm infested shitstorm has 6% rating at Rotten Tomatoes with 71 reviews in. I LOVE IT
FUCK YOU M. NIGHT SHAMMALAMMADINGDONG AND GOOD RIDDANCE
I know he's pissed.
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