Bigger On The Inside....But Doesn't Do Much

Okay so apparently Underground Toys has finally released the inside of Doctor Who's Tardis playset and while it looks cool it doesn't do shit. No sounds, no lights, it just sit there which sucks. Granted it looks cool but for $70 it should move and light up and all kinds of stuff. Sadly it doesn't but if anybody wants to buy me one I'll take it. Here's what it looks like




You can buy one at ENTERTAINMENT EARTH

TWO REASONS TO HATE SAN DIEGO COMIC CON

Obviously the main reason I hate San Diego Comic Con is because I've never fucking been and I always wanted to go. MTV was gonna send me but they dicked out, then I didn't have any money and...well...that continues to be the reason. One day I'll go, I'll show all those fuckers.

Anyhoo, the two other reasons to hate Comic Con this year are these two kick ass exclusives.



This is your standard 16 inch Galactus which will talk and comes with a Silver Surfer figure. You can get it retail in October or November or you can get it NOW at the Con. It's $60 bucks and worth every goddamn penny.




The second reason is this kick ass Tron Kubrick Bear. This one sucks especially because only 1500 were made and they won't be coming out retail. THE FUCKERS

I hate everything

and i'm sad now to

DALEK & CLOUD CAR. GETCHA GEEK ON!!

Like my thumbs up picture? Since I don't do much on toys and collectibles unless they're really cool (or not part of a greater franchise) I thought that photo would illuminate my excitement on these nifty items. Let's get started shall we?




DESKTOP PATROL DALEK

This thing is wicked cool but you'd have to work in a very understanding or hip office or your roommate/significant other would have to be super awesome. Why? Well this Dalek not only looks awesome but it moves around your desk screeching EXTERMINATE!! The Dalek has a built in sensor so it won't hit things or fall of the desk but like I said it might get annoying. Thankfully you can shut all that off and just have the cool ass Dalek. To buy it check HERE. The Desktop Patrol Dalek retails for about $36 bucks and will hit stores in August.




TWIN POD CLOUD CAR

With the 30th Anniversary of Empire Strikes Back having just passed (I didn't write about it because I don't care anymore) the folks at Hasbro have unveiled the new updated Twin Pod Cloud Car. I always loved this ship when I was a kid and I remember owning the original one and playing with it for hours. That one only had a cockpit for figures and a retractable landing gear. This one has landing gear, guns, missiles and can split into single cloud cars. To buy it click HERE. It retails for about $30.

NEW DOCTOR WHO TOYS!! FUCK YEAH!!

Nothing like kicking off the weekend with new Doctor Who toys. Granted there's no life size anatomically correct Karen Gillian but the other figures are cool. New Doctor, red Dalek and a WWII Dalek plus a Weeping Angel and some other characters I'm not sure about. Check them out:

BATMAN THE RETURN OF BRUCE WAYNE SUCKS...BUT IT HAS TOYS

Being a lifelong Batman fan fewer things fill my bile ducts with venom faster than the rancid shitfest that is The Return Of Bruce Wayne. Hack writer Grant Morrison (yeah, I went there, step up bitch) has been ass fucking Batman since Batman RIP and now has decided not to finish until Batman's ass drips Devil Semen for the rest of his life. Issue number one of this debacle was incredibly stupid but issue #2 took it down a whole new fucking door. God I hate Morrison.

Now comes the DC Direct toys which look really cool but I won't buy because they have to do with one of the worst things associated with Batman since the characters creation in 1939. These figures cover Caveman Batman, Pirate Batman, Pilgrim Batman and Cowboy Batman. They hit stores in April of 2011, which blows mainly because I'd hoped by then we could all forget about this god awful series. Anyway, here are the figures.

Suddenly I'm Bitch Ass Scared Of The Dark

Want to know why? Because all my life I would've killed for this nightlight and now that it's here I'm getting mines!! I rested for far too long as a child with a glowing creepy ass Yoda face maintaing my unblocked road to the bathroom and now it's my time!! Want to join me for one of these check out BIG BAD TOY STORE

WOW WHY NOT JUST SELL HIM WITH THE WHEELCHAIR

So above is the Mattel Toys 12 inch Christopher Reeve Superman figure. I guess in this version ol' Supey has the gout? Perhaps it's supposed to be him after not eating due to the financial returns of Superman IV.

Whatever it is it's insulting to the man who will always be the one that did the best job bringing Superman to life. Seriously Mattel FUCK OFF and the General Zod is worse.


I hate everything

BLACKEST NIGHT TOYS ARE AWESOME

BLACKEST NIGHT ISSUE #1


These are the toys from the DC Blackest Night series which is already kicking much ass. The toys come from DC Direct and should be out soon. Dig 'em:




I know I'll be picking up Black Lantern Superman, Aquaman, Atrocious, Jonn J'onzz and the Black Mask.

UNIQUE STAR WARS VINYL FIGURES FOR CHARITY

It's nice to see somebody try to glean just a smidgen of light from the black soul that is Star Wars. These unique Star Wars vinyl toys are being made available for auction with all proceeds going to the Make A Wish Foundation. I'm sorry but we can't try to buy all of them and wish away Episode 1-3, this is way more important. Make A Wish Foundation takes children with terminal diseases and tries to make their biggest wish come true. It's an awesome charity and to be honest these figures are pretty cool. Check them out:





For more on how to bid for the figures and raise money for the charity check it out here: STAR WARS FIGURES FOR CHARITY

WIPE YOUR ASS WITH R2 OR SIT IN A TIE FIGHTER

So with this round of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly is a little Star Wars heavy but usually when God-awful products come out it has to do with Star Wars. I watched Revenge Of The Sith a few days ago hoping it would be great and, well, it still sucks ass. Anyway, on with the show!!


THE GOOD:



Crumb has selected his most intimately revealing comic strips and single page drawings to create a 256 page encyclopedic trip through his sexual psyche. In total the book features 14 complete stories, including My Troubles With Women II, If I Were a King, A Bitchin' Bod and How To Have Fun With a Strong Girl, as well as 62 single page drawings. This signed, slipcased, limited edition of 1,000 copies is a work of art in itself, with every part of the book--case, front and back covers, spine, introduction and pre-introduction pages--created for this project by Robert Crumb. Each book also comes with a print on mould-made age-resistant hahnemuehle paper pulled from an original watercolor by Robert Crumb.

My mouth was watering for this to and then the $700 price tag kicked me right in the nuts. Sure Amazon has it for the great big discount of $560 but I still can't afford it. Regardless is kicks a lot of ass.



THE BAD:



Nothing says creepy like adults playing house with little kids and now you can be creepy in a Tie Fighter. This blow up house is perfect for kids to pretend they're defending the Death Star or for the dork dad who bought it to sleep in when he fights with the wife. I would give props to any teenager that can get himself laid by bringing a girl into one of these things. Still though, this thing sucks.


THE UGLY:



R2-D2 baby butt wipes dispenser. I'd rather wipe my ass with copies of Episode I-III. There is no low Lucas will not sink to.