There Are No Words

My Little Ponies At The Movies

I remember My Little Ponies. Well, I remember the phenomenon. I never watched the show or collected the toys and I hadn't thought about the whole thing for years. Then I saw these videos of movie trailers edited with bits and pieces from the cartoon. It's true this is all quite brilliant but what it's really done is made me think I want to watch My Little Ponies. This show looks so fucked up.


WATCHMEN



INGLORIOUS BASTARDS



300



THE DARK KNIGHT

Star Wars Saga Told In 5 Minutes With Legos

Yep, this pretty much kicks ass. The prequel section is way better than the actual prequels, go figure.

EPISODE I-III



EPISODE IV-VI

Game Over Man, Game Over....But Party ON!!

I like things that come out of nowhere and make no sense. Take this disco version of the Alien theme from Ridley Scott's epic film. Nothing really here to set up, just enjoy the shit out of it.

Existensial Star Wars....In French

Brilliant doesn't even begin to cover this. Thanks to the folks over at Topless Robot for this incredible video.

Snow White All Over

This is a photo of a girl with an all over Snow White back piece. From this angle you can tell she's probably really hot and has a great sense of humor and loves Disney. Best part is if you're lucky enough to fuck her from behind and she's into it, you can bust a nut on either Snow White's face or the Evil Witch.

AWESOME

In Case You Were Out Shopping For Me

Some of you will get this right away while others will scratch their heads and try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. Don't you see? Can't you view why this T-shirt is a wonderous thing?

It's got a Tauntaun and a Wampa and they're skiing

HELLLOOOO THEY'RE SKIING!!!

If you don't get it I don't know what to do with you except ask that you buy this shirt for me because I WANT it and I'm fucking broke. For those looking to buy check out T-SHIRT LAUNDRY.

Thanks to TOPLESS ROBOT for the update.

70'S KIDS REMAKES PART I: KING KONG

I don't know what this is but it looks real to me and as a child of the seventies it shattered my nostalgia bone instantly. I had those exact same clothes, that hair, all of that shit and I spent time with my friends (yeah I had some then, crazy right) acting out movies we liked. Granted we didn't have the forward thinking of this bunch but it was still cool.

The 70s Kids is a group of kids from the era who remade films they loved, the same way I did when I was young. I'm going to present all of them here starting with King Kong. Dig it!!

You Got Michael Cera In My Keanu Reeves!!!

I know, it's blasphemous but I didn't like the Matrix, never have and I never will. People got so amped up by the super original plot but if you really look at it The Matrix is a slightly skewed version of Terminator. Machines take over, life sucks. I was also not impressed by the slow bullets and harnesses labeled by so many as the brilliant effects. Perhaps my most inflamed criticism of the movie was how even though they desperately needed Keanu Reeves to help them and to get involved Laurence Fishburne spoke to him in riddles through the entire film. I never could figure that plot point out. Anyway I got shit for not liking that and I got shit for my thoughts on Scott Pilgrim. Here they are together again!!

STRAIGHT OUTTA NASHVILLE!!

The folks over at BOING BOING hipped me to this amazing mashup by a guy named DJ Topcat.

Check it out by clicking HERE

FINALLY!! A Tattoo I Want To Get

This tattoo design done by artist Scott Derby that I stole from Topless Robot could be the coolest fucking thing I've seen in a long time, especially tattoo wise. If anybody wants to tattoo it on me for free and lives in the Ohio area let me know because I am DOWN!!

Like OMG CTHULHU Is Like Totally Fucking Hot Bitches

I don't know who the guys who put this together are but it's pretty funny and anything having to do with Cthulhu is awesome to me. The best part is hearing the story recited by the kind of person I'd want the Old Ones to awaken and stop the fuck out of existence. Dig it.

Anyone Else Been On The When Harry Met Sally Ride?

I don't know where this sling shot ride is but if you recognize it don't take your lady there unless you're supercock 13" and aren't afraid of a giant machine making your girl realize what she's been missing. Then again this chick could be such a slut it takes a whole machine to make her come or she's faking. Either way it's hysterical.



I love that her boyfriend said "Are you serious" and that this chick confesses the sling shot orgasm beats his all to hell. The line for this thing must be around the block.

DON'T LOOK, SERIOUSLY, I'VE OFFENDED EVEN MYSELF NOW!!

Careful Elliot that might not be his finger.

Okay punks, you looked, you looked and now you have to share in the evil with me. I don't want to burn alone for this so I must let you know I got it from TOPLESS ROBOT so don't blame ME!! I don't know what to say about it at all, nothing, for the first time I'm fucking speechless.



Time to burn the retinas out.

This Is An AVENGERS Movie I'd Love To See

I don't know who did this or how but this fan made 1952 serial trailer for an Avengers movie could be the coolest fucking thing EVER!! I wish this was real more than anybody could possibly know. DIG IT!!




FUCK IS THAT COOL!! Sorry I've been away, it's been slow and I started a new job but I'll be back up ASAP.

AND NOW FOR NO REASON: NERD RAP RANT

The only thing about this I hate is that I didn't think of it first! FUCKERS!!

TV & Movie Spoofs
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SOOO GOOOOD!!

AND NOW FOR NO REASON: THE OREGON TRAIL MOVIE TRAILER

Okay before the nerd revolution starts this isn't a real trailer for a movie based on a game (unlike the upcoming Monopoly and Battleship movies) but rather a fan trailer that's pretty goddamn funny. If you're familiar with the long running game then you'll be amped, if not then it won't be funny at all. Anyway, dig the trailer:

Luke, Leia, Han, guys we're totally getting the band back together

I've seen some cool Star Wars shit in my day and I've seen some Star Wars stuff that makes me want to beat the creator over the head with a pipe. This time we land on the more positive side with just about the coolest guitar EVER. This is the Millennium Falcon guitar made by a guy named Travis S. This isn't some display piece this is a fully functioning guitar and it's amazing. Dig it!





There's an interview HERE with the Travis S about how he made it and it's definitely a good read. Not only is this a cool guitar but it works really well with lines from the movie.


"It matches the markings of an instrument that rocked it's way out of Mos Eisley"

"It may not look like much but it's got it where it counts"

"10,000? We could buy our own guitar for that!" "Yeah kid but who's gonna play it? You?"

"You rock with that thing? You're braver than I thought"

The possibilities just go on and on!!

IBRAHEEM YOUSSEF Makes Movie Posters I Want

Ibraheem Youssef is an artist who has made a name for himself doing minimalistic movie posters for various films. These aren't actually used by the movie studio because those folks would burst blood from their nipples if the movie poster didn't plaster a star's face all over it. Perhaps they should though because the posters cut down to the very essence of the movie as well as leave plenty to the imagination. Better yet lets let this guy write scripts and maybe all the falderall trying to hide that Hollywood is a artistically bankrupt cesspool teaming with soul sucking monsters will ebb away. Anyhoo, here are three of his posters for Scarface, The Big Lebowski and Inception. If you want more check out his amazing site WELCOME TO THE OBSESSION

STEINBRENNER DIES MEL HAS FRIENDS!!

Call me an asshole, send me to hell I just don't give a shit about Steinbrenner dying. I feel bad for his family but that guy made life awful for so many people I have a hard time getting weepy eyed over it. It also shits me raw that a genius like Harvey Pekar will have his death overshadowed by the fact that some loud, blustering, bully who owned a sports team passed away.

MOVING ON

Now I'm the first to say that Mel Gibson is being a cunt and that he deserves to have his career fucked a bit for all the shit he's saying but now I think Raderonline is now just serving up shit to serve it up. Their latest "exclusive" Mel Gibson rant is another shitty one but if this turn into one a day then Raderonline are just as bad for exploiting it. That said today on The View, that show that my hate being for this country, did something that didn't suck. Most of the woman on the show are stereotypical "real women" for varied walks of life which is to say they mold into a focus group "type"

Whoopi Goldberg, who I'm not a fan of, doesn't really and she's always kind of let her brain rule her emotions. Back when her then fuck-buddy Ted Danson came out at her Roast in Black Face every single person who even hinted of being ethnic used it as a way to grab headlines by saying how insulted they were. Whoopi basically told everybody to fuck themselves. Well on The View she defended Mel Gibson......kind of.



I don't know Mel Gibson nor do I care about him. I thought what he did was hysterically stupid and it's clear he needs mass amounts of medication. That being said I've also been drunk calling an ex-girlfriend and ohhh boooy have I said some dumb shit. What I liked about this was that Whoopi didn't say he was a victim, in fact she called him an asshole and said "this time he wasn't drunk". She just let her feelings be known on the racist thing instead of joining the pecking order.


Yeesh I put The View on my blog, maybe I should call it a day.