Star Wars Saga Told In 5 Minutes With Legos

Yep, this pretty much kicks ass. The prequel section is way better than the actual prequels, go figure.

EPISODE I-III



EPISODE IV-VI

Look What I Found: Clone Trooper

This is a Clone Trooper kids toy. I found it in the parking lot of Smash Burger.

Existensial Star Wars....In French

Brilliant doesn't even begin to cover this. Thanks to the folks over at Topless Robot for this incredible video.

In Case You Were Out Shopping For Me

Some of you will get this right away while others will scratch their heads and try to figure out what the fuck is wrong with me. Don't you see? Can't you view why this T-shirt is a wonderous thing?

It's got a Tauntaun and a Wampa and they're skiing

HELLLOOOO THEY'RE SKIING!!!

If you don't get it I don't know what to do with you except ask that you buy this shirt for me because I WANT it and I'm fucking broke. For those looking to buy check out T-SHIRT LAUNDRY.

Thanks to TOPLESS ROBOT for the update.

SDCC I WASN'T THERE WRAP UP #10: CHICKS MAN!!

For both of you who read my blog you'll know that nothing gets my nerd boner raging like the fantasy of being molested heavily by a girl dressed in the Slave Leia costume. Now to me that seems perfectly normal, a healthy fantasy based off of a young boy's dream. The problem really starts when I try to get actual girls involved in it at all. If you're at a bar picking up a chick and you mention, drinks in the face instantly. A one night stand will turn into couch time with porn and lotion if you bring it up and even a sweet and nerdy girlfriend (like I have) will tell you to fuck off if you suggest it.



Then it dawned on me San Diego Comic Con, a place that seems to be teaming with nerdy chicks dressed like Princess Leia. This could be the place I finally get to introduce some girl in that costume to my very own Bo Shudda!! First up nerdy girls usually don't know they're hot and feel uncomfortable showing that much skin. If I show any interest I'm gonna get blown just to keep the compliments flowing!!



Let's also not forget that no girl will find it weird that you're taking about her in the Slave Leia costume at San Diego Comic Con. I mean shit it doesn't have anything to do with comics so why not let it be an ass harvest for me alone!! Not to mention if I don't get laid by a Slave Leia I can always find a recently dumped Wonder Woman, Cat Woman or (god please let her fill the costume out) Power Girl!!

WOO HOO to being a dirty old man.

Luke, Leia, Han, guys we're totally getting the band back together

I've seen some cool Star Wars shit in my day and I've seen some Star Wars stuff that makes me want to beat the creator over the head with a pipe. This time we land on the more positive side with just about the coolest guitar EVER. This is the Millennium Falcon guitar made by a guy named Travis S. This isn't some display piece this is a fully functioning guitar and it's amazing. Dig it!





There's an interview HERE with the Travis S about how he made it and it's definitely a good read. Not only is this a cool guitar but it works really well with lines from the movie.


"It matches the markings of an instrument that rocked it's way out of Mos Eisley"

"It may not look like much but it's got it where it counts"

"10,000? We could buy our own guitar for that!" "Yeah kid but who's gonna play it? You?"

"You rock with that thing? You're braver than I thought"

The possibilities just go on and on!!

SUNDAY MORNING CUMMING COMING DOWN

I woke up this morning and found this photo in my email. I don't know who Kelly Brook is but she's hot and more importantly she's wearing the Princess Leia Slave Outfit. I've been waiting for a picture like this for a long time. I wonder if she likes comic books and Doctor Who?

PS Sorry for the title but COME ON you know you laughed

TAUNTAUN SHIRT IS AMAZING AND DISTURBING

I remember the days when Star Wars didn't suck and recently the Empire Strikes Back celebrated its 35 Anniversary as the last entirely awesome Star Wars movie (if you remember Jedi had Ewoks...nuff said). With that in mind I give you this kick ass T-shirt from SPLIT REASON featuring a pretty twisted view of saving Luke's life via Tauntaun innards. Dig it:

DALEK & CLOUD CAR. GETCHA GEEK ON!!

Like my thumbs up picture? Since I don't do much on toys and collectibles unless they're really cool (or not part of a greater franchise) I thought that photo would illuminate my excitement on these nifty items. Let's get started shall we?




DESKTOP PATROL DALEK

This thing is wicked cool but you'd have to work in a very understanding or hip office or your roommate/significant other would have to be super awesome. Why? Well this Dalek not only looks awesome but it moves around your desk screeching EXTERMINATE!! The Dalek has a built in sensor so it won't hit things or fall of the desk but like I said it might get annoying. Thankfully you can shut all that off and just have the cool ass Dalek. To buy it check HERE. The Desktop Patrol Dalek retails for about $36 bucks and will hit stores in August.




TWIN POD CLOUD CAR

With the 30th Anniversary of Empire Strikes Back having just passed (I didn't write about it because I don't care anymore) the folks at Hasbro have unveiled the new updated Twin Pod Cloud Car. I always loved this ship when I was a kid and I remember owning the original one and playing with it for hours. That one only had a cockpit for figures and a retractable landing gear. This one has landing gear, guns, missiles and can split into single cloud cars. To buy it click HERE. It retails for about $30.

You Know What's Awesome About George Lucas....NOTHING!!!

I was busy sharpening a scalpel for the upcoming job of slicing the skin from my arm until my Star Wars tattoos are gone when I came across a little tidbit that made me want to just rip the flesh right off the bone. Remember a few weeks back when it came out that George "Fuck The Fans" Lucas had decided to make a kooky sitcom that no-talent hack Seth Green would be working on? Well apparently the fist fuckings don't stop there because this isn't some stupid animated show that is douche chilling because of what it is..oh no...Lucas has taken cunt down a whole new door by deciding it will take place right after Return Of The Jedi and include the original characters.

Besides the fact that this is another shitty shitty idea from a man who seems to corner the market with them, the whole fucking premise makes no sense. Anybody who can read and enjoys a good sci-fi romp already knows what happens to the characters post Jedi thanks to the fairly awesome series of books. Luke starts training Jedis, Han and Leia have twins who become Jedis, Chewbacca dies, there's more Empire drama with Grand Admiral Thrawn replacing Vader as the big bad, plus Wedge rocks a comeback in the series about saving Courescant, etc etc. These books have been coming out for 15 or 20 years and have established the entire story of what happens post Jedi, so why do a TV show that'll fuck with it?

Oh wait, I know why, of course, because it's George Lucas, that's why.

He's already totally fucked the original trilogy with the new ones and ruined any hope Darth Vader had of being a lasting villain (NOOOOOOO ring any bells?) so it makes sense he'd fuck the whole new lineage just to turn a buck. No idea who might voice these characters but I'm betting the original folks will return. Whatever bestiality photos Lucas has of Harrison Ford that keep him returning to make Indiana Jones movies will certainly force him to do a voice. Mark Hamil will work for food, Carrie Fisher can be talked into anything with a meat sandwich and a bottle of Schnapps and since Anthony Daniels is probably tired of turning tricks under a bridge for rent money he'll be on board to.

In other Lucas news the whole Star Wars saga will soon be out on Bluray which means we can watch them suck in super awesome clarity.

I hate everything

Suddenly I'm Bitch Ass Scared Of The Dark

Want to know why? Because all my life I would've killed for this nightlight and now that it's here I'm getting mines!! I rested for far too long as a child with a glowing creepy ass Yoda face maintaing my unblocked road to the bathroom and now it's my time!! Want to join me for one of these check out BIG BAD TOY STORE

New STAR WARS Comedy Show Confirms That George Has Lost It

We all know that George Lucas took a large throbbing spiked cock he lovingly referred to as Episode I-III and rammed it down the crying throats of our inner child, that's old news. What isn't old news is that Lucas apparently continues to come a bit unglued every single day, making more and more ridiculous decisions for his already much molested Star Wars Properties. This week old George Porgie gave the green light to a comedy show based on the Star Wars Universe.

I will repeat that.


George Lucas has given the okay for a comedy show based on the Star Wars Universe. Here are the details, which I warn you choke down like a Ghost Chili smothered in hydrochloric acid.

Lucasfilm Animation is developing a new animated "Star Wars" TV comedy series. Daytime Emmy and Gemini Award-winner Jennifer Hill ("The Backyardians") will produce with Todd Grimes ("Back at the Barnyard") directing. Brendan Hay ("The Daily Show") will be among the writers and Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, creators and executive producers of "Robot Chicken," will have "creative involvement." Project marks the second "Star Wars" skein created by Lucasfilm Animation. The first was "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," which premiered in 2008 on the Cartoon Network. Series is currently in its second season. No start date or network for the comedy skein have been announced.

All I can glean from this is that Lucas is now willing to do anything he thinks might turn over a buck for his studio. I'll be wicked upfront about it, I never thought Robot Chicken was that funny and outside of maybe two skits involving Star Wars the rest of the "Star Wars Robot Chicken" thing was as entertaining as playing keep away with an armless kid suffering from Down Syndrome. On a side note every time I look at Seth Green I want to punch him in the face. I guess after Old Dogs there was no choice but to trust his creative genius.

I digress. I'm guessing since Robot Chicken has sold well on DVD and kept an audience that Lucas figures why not add one more helping of shit to the pile Star Wars fans are still eating. The other reason I think he's willing to lend out Star Wars to anybody who might turn a buck is recently Lucas turned down Genndy Tartakovsky's request to make a Han Solo and Chewbacca cartoon. Why? That makes sense, that's a rich and fertile storytelling environment that with cool animation could lead to something awesome for the fans.

Nope, not George, he's gonna go with kooky comedy. I suppose we should all be glad he didn't ask Seth Macfarlane who also spoofed Star Wars on his so-awful-I-want-him-killed show Family Guy.

You think you feel bad? I have fucking Star Wars tattoos.

I hate everything

Thanks to TOPLESS ROBOT for details

UNIQUE STAR WARS VINYL FIGURES FOR CHARITY

It's nice to see somebody try to glean just a smidgen of light from the black soul that is Star Wars. These unique Star Wars vinyl toys are being made available for auction with all proceeds going to the Make A Wish Foundation. I'm sorry but we can't try to buy all of them and wish away Episode 1-3, this is way more important. Make A Wish Foundation takes children with terminal diseases and tries to make their biggest wish come true. It's an awesome charity and to be honest these figures are pretty cool. Check them out:





For more on how to bid for the figures and raise money for the charity check it out here: STAR WARS FIGURES FOR CHARITY

WIPE YOUR ASS WITH R2 OR SIT IN A TIE FIGHTER

So with this round of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly is a little Star Wars heavy but usually when God-awful products come out it has to do with Star Wars. I watched Revenge Of The Sith a few days ago hoping it would be great and, well, it still sucks ass. Anyway, on with the show!!


THE GOOD:



Crumb has selected his most intimately revealing comic strips and single page drawings to create a 256 page encyclopedic trip through his sexual psyche. In total the book features 14 complete stories, including My Troubles With Women II, If I Were a King, A Bitchin' Bod and How To Have Fun With a Strong Girl, as well as 62 single page drawings. This signed, slipcased, limited edition of 1,000 copies is a work of art in itself, with every part of the book--case, front and back covers, spine, introduction and pre-introduction pages--created for this project by Robert Crumb. Each book also comes with a print on mould-made age-resistant hahnemuehle paper pulled from an original watercolor by Robert Crumb.

My mouth was watering for this to and then the $700 price tag kicked me right in the nuts. Sure Amazon has it for the great big discount of $560 but I still can't afford it. Regardless is kicks a lot of ass.



THE BAD:



Nothing says creepy like adults playing house with little kids and now you can be creepy in a Tie Fighter. This blow up house is perfect for kids to pretend they're defending the Death Star or for the dork dad who bought it to sleep in when he fights with the wife. I would give props to any teenager that can get himself laid by bringing a girl into one of these things. Still though, this thing sucks.


THE UGLY:



R2-D2 baby butt wipes dispenser. I'd rather wipe my ass with copies of Episode I-III. There is no low Lucas will not sink to.

THE PEOPLE VS GEORGE LUCAS TRAILER

CUTE GIRL SUMMERIZES STAR WARS

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.