TWENTY KICK ASS PLAYMOBIL SETS

There are fewer things that kick ass more than Playmobil. I played with these sets when I was a kid and still love them today. Part of it is that they aren't inspired by anything having to do with movies, TV, books, no pop culture stimulus at all. Though it involves everything from history to adventure Playmobil is very much its own thing. If I ever own a house with a room I don't need it may have to become the Playmobil room.

I decided to find 20 Playmobil sets that smashed my face in when I saw them. These aren't in any particular order because they each kick equal amounts of ass. I do have a little bit of fun with these sets but don't get me wrong I love these toys. Dig it!!:




POLICE BOAT

The Police Boat is awesome first and foremost because it actually floats. You also get two cops (one with a bullhorn...rules) as well as a rescue winch and a cabin to chill out and play cards in. I'm also amped the bell really rings.






BISON

There's nothing particularly over-the-top cool about this except...well...it is a fucking BISON!!! Leave it to Playmobil to make a Bison and one that rules. All they need now is Playmobil Ted Nugent to ride out on it.







PRIVATE JET

If you can't quite scrape the cheese together to buy a real private jet then look to Playmobil to make it all better. First of all the fact that this jet is dark grey is awesome as is the ability to pul the top off and play around inside the jet. The topper is that it comes with a rich Texan to bark orders and drink whiskey. Imagine the crash scenarios you could make happen with this.






PHOTO WITH SANTA


I know this one can be read as creepy but I dig it because nobody makes this kind of Christmas set up. That's not Santa at all, that's somebody playing Santa and that kicks a lot of ass. Why? Because 99% of all Christmas sets like these try and push the Santa is real jam. Playmobil is too hardcore for that, they're letting you know right away it's a guy playing Santa. I also dig the kid's scarf and the tree.






CHILD WITH SEALS


I have to admit I dig this one because it's wicked random and kinda creepy. First of all the name of it is weird as is the idea that Playmobil made a set of a kid feeding two seals. How did that pass the morning meeting?






SHARK DIVER

Who doesn't want to be in a Shark Cage? Not only will this work as a bathtub toy but you can also re-create the Hooper scene from Jaws. Does it get any better?





RESEARCH SUBMARINE

I have always wanted to go down in a one or two man sumbersible so it figures I'd love this one. This sub is airtight and just looks fucking cool. Combine it with the Shark Hunter cage and you have the best bath time ever.






DOLPHIN BASIN

With the Dolphin Basin kids can play but also learn some harsh realities of life. While it's awesome that you get these figures plus Dolphins and the thing can hold real water to make the play super lifelike that's just part of it. You'll notice the souvenir shop to the side. With that addition kids can learn how Zoo's love to make a profit off of denying animals their freedom. Still though, it holds real water!!






EASTER BUNNY TREE HOUSE

I love me a cool tree house and if it's filled with Bunnies then all the better. This is what makes Playmobil so awesome. They'll make all of these real life playsets and then drop the Easter Bunny Tree House on us. This is something that lends itself to hours of entertainment when high as fuck on the left handed cigarette. Stoned you'd spend an hour trying to figure out why Bunnies are living in a tree. Awesome!!





ALLIGATOR HUNTER HOVERCRAFT

I'm not sure what's my favorite part of this set. I dig the driver's beard but the Aussie chick with the gun is pretty rad. The ride itself is a sweet alligator looking thing but I think my favorite is that this awful killing machine Alligator you're hunting down to slaughter has a baby with it. Nice touch.






VET OPERATING ROOM

Who hasn't wanted to X-ray a dog or operate on a cat? Another great thing about Playmobil is that they make sets for any situation. I can't see lots of kids asking for the Vet Operating Room to be under the Christmas Tree but Playmobil don't give a fuck, they made it. It's a cool set and it helps animals so all is well.





LARGE PIRATE SHIP

There are so many kick ass functions on this I can't even place them. The parrot at th top of the sails, the monkey holding on for dear life, the firing cannon, so good!! You also get a pirate crew and a brig to hold enemies plus the mast is a skull!! The ship also floats for big seas adventures!!





JEWEL THIEVES

Nothing like starting the kids early on a life of crime. Not only do you get two totally decked out thieves but also a rich painting of a solider and a jeweled crown in a case. When you move the case the alarm goes off so be careful. I though the removable round section of glass was a nice touch.





TIGHTROPE ARTISTS


The Circus play sets that all join together kick much ass and this is one of my favorites. Here the high wire family can ride a bike across the tight rope, flip around and wow the crowd. With the "No Net" feature you can also have them fall to bloody and horrible deaths.






CIRCUS BAND

Two clowns and a monkey? Yep, sounds like the last band I was in.






DOCTOR WITH INCUBATOR

Again Playmobil astounds me with what they will make. This depicts the very concienscious doctor who walks the streets with an incubator in case he comes across any premature babies. Notice the weird red circles around the Doc's eyes (drunk?) and the smile on the dying child. I love Playmobil.





FAMILY YACHT

In Playmobil world everybody owns a Yacht and this family is no different. Besides being able to float and having a winch and a pretty cool look you can also remove the deck to play downstairs. You have beds, a kitchen and a bathroom, a most important feature.





DRAGON

Why does this kick ass? A fire breathing Red Dragon with an evil Dark Knight rider and spiked bracelets. Do I need to say anything else?






ROMAN COLISEUM

Not only does this kick ass in a historical sense but you can also reenact all your favorite scenes from Ben Hur and Spartacus. This thing has stands for the ruler to pass judgement from, as well as lion to feed Christians to and a chariot. It may take up a lot of space but it's so worth it.






ROCK CASTLE

There's no need for a lengthy explanation here when all you have to do is look at it to understand how cool it is.


For more Playmobil stuff check out PLAYMOBIL

SUCK MY ASS IT SMELLS CRISS ANGEL.

You know what's awesome? When something like this just writes itself. To be really honest I wouldn't need to write anything I could just have a shitload of arrows pointing this picture of Criss Angel and that would do the trick. This guy oozes DOUCHE, I mean he really oozes it. It's no wonder he can escape tight ropes and handcuffs because he's layered up with so much Douche Oooze he slides right out.

For those who are blissfully unaware Criss Angel is a "Magician" who takes himself entirely too seriously. For instance he did a Nu-Metal song with Sully Erna from Godsmack without a hint of irony. If that doesn't show a complete lack of what is funny I don't know what does.

Angel is that guy who hung out outside the Circle K Deli doing whippits and blasting Motley Crue until one day somebody played him Tool and it changed his life. Suddenly he wanted to be artistic in a really mall hero kind of way. I'm sure after his first Tool concert he took to wearing a 3/4 length black wool coat and nail polish. He sat alone and really played up the rebel role.

Angel's magic tricks might be kind of cool if he wasn't the most pretentious fucking douche bag you have ever seen. This guy wears lots of chains with mystical symbols, he has bad tattoos and likes to burn candles and use gothic imagery to show how "underground" he is. For anybody with any kind of understanding about the Universe he is a laughable punch line you want to vomit on. Imagine a way less interesting Dave Navarro who does magic tricks instead of plays guitar. It's that level of DOUCHERY.

Recently his magic show bit the dust and word has it his big Cirque De Soleil performance was a bust. I guess it's back to the strip clubs and high school dances to troll for "babes" and try to remain a hero in somebody's eyes.

CAPTAIN AMERICA #600 & COREY WALKER BACK ON INVINCIBLE

Sometimes it's better to read comic books than ever even deal with Hollywood. This is one such time as both Marvel and DC really start pumping up their summer runs. The first of two of those exciting runs will start with Captain American #600. So far the writing on Captain America has been bulletproof thanks to Ed Brubaker. With Bucky Barnes starting to cement himself in the role of the new Captain America this sudden return to the original numbering of the comics (which just published reboot issue #50) makes you wonder what's in store across the board for CA.


Check out the preview HERE



COREY WALKER CONCEPT ART

Next is the return of original Invincible artist Corey Walker to the comic he helped launch with writer Robert Kirkman. What does the return mean? How long is Corey on board? What does the future hold for Invincible? To find out you gotta read the interview

COREY WALKER

T-SHIRT ROUND UP: A SUMMER BLOG

Even though you couldn't tell summer's here if you live in New England like I do, that doesn't mean it ain't here. Apparently the rumor is that elsewhere the summer has arrived bringing sunshine and good times with it. In accordance with that I decided to show some of the awesome T-shirts hitting stores soon that you can buy in order to keep current with the times. This is of course if you're not a cool-striped-shirt guy with loads of khaki cargo shorts and flip flops you usually wear with boot cut jeans. You'll probably hate these.



My first is this Black Star reunion T-shirt that I am AMPED to try an get hold of. Black Star, featuring Mos Def and Talib Kwali, released one of the coolest and most interesting rap records a few years back. They're scheduled for two reunion shows this Saturday and if you're like me and can't attend we can at least try to get one of the t-shirts:



A few will gone on sale online at KARMA LOOP




These shirts are kind of cool. These are remakes of old hardcore shirts from back in the day (though the Johnny Cupcakes one escapes me). Is it as cool as having the shirts from the shows when you actually saw them? No. That being said the ripped ticket Bad Brains shirt is pretty sweet.






You can check them out at THE HUNDREDS but be warned it's a hipster site that seems intentionally annoying to navigate.



This is my favorite Obama shirt EVER!! I promised I wouldn't buy into the Obama-On-A-Shirt trend but I had to get this one.


You can pick this up at THE CHOP SHOP STORE



And finally this shirt is just kinda silly funny. It's way too obvious but I still think the shirt is funny, sue me!!


Dig these at LOITER INK

GREEN LANTERN FAN TRAILER KICKS MUCH ASS!!!

With the buzz around the upcoming Blackest Night series from Green Lantern people are really starting to get into the protector of sector 2184. The movie angle has been buzzing around for a while so it was inevtiable that some fans would make a trailer for it. What I didn't figure on was that it would be so awesome I would avidly want Hollywood to make this movie.

First of all, as a long time follower of Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps, I can't believe I never thought of Firefly's Nathan Fillion as Hal Jordon. DUUHHH, it's so perfect it's almost criminal.

I'm sure Hollywood will cast some heartthrob young guy who sucks but I can dream can't I? So dig this trailer, it's fucking amazing.

AWESOME PREVIEW OF WOLVERINE #72: OLD MAN LOGAN

Old Man Logan has been one of the best stories in the Wolverine universe except for the fact that scribe Mark Millar has taken so fucking long to get it out. This last issue has dragged out for such an eternity that Marvel comics actually put out issue #73 (which picks up in the actual Wolverine storyline) before the issue #72 finale of Old Man Logan. This month the Old Man Logan story is finished and here is an awesome preview of it
OLD MAN LOGAN

LAST AIR BENDER PICTURES--BIG FUCKIN' WHOOP

I will be the first to admit that I had to be held down and forced to watch Avatar. See I hate Japanime, Manga and pretty much anything that deals with it or off of it. To me all of that shit looks like people with big eyes screaming at each other.

However I was way off base about Avatar and totally fell in love with characters, the story, the writing, all of it. When I heard there was going to be a live action movie I was instantly unhappy. First of all it was going to be M Night Shamalamadingdong directing it and he sucks, everything he touches sucks big asshole. You like his movies, then you have some kind of default in your brain that allows you to screen garbage and see it as art.

Then there was the fact that it cast pretty much all white kids as the movie's stars even though the actual characters are Asian. Finally the idea that a three season show, filled with tiny moments and subtly can be crammed into two hours means they're going to forgo everything to focus on action.

So even though the photos look kinda cool I still say this isn't going to be a very good film at all.

TRANSFORMINATORS --THIS MOVIE I'D ACTUALLY SEE

The reviews for Terminator: Salvation are in and they ain't pretty. I also don't hold out much hope for Transformers 2. That being said if this movie got made I'd be first in line.

WHY I HATE QUENTIN TARANTINO

PLEASE QUENTIN, ALLOW ME!!

I’ve been taking swipes and Quentin Tarantino pretty much since his career started. I’ll admit I was impressed with Reservoir Dogs but once the Pulp Fiction hype started to consume the world I just lost all interest. Pulp Fiction wasn’t a great movie, it was okay, some it was kind of fun but by and large it was an exercise in being cool as opposed to telling a good story. The more I watched Tarantino in interviews and read about him the less I liked him.

With the upcoming release of his “Inglorious Bastards” movie I’ve been even more revved up about hoping he’ll fail. According to the hack director himself this movie is his crowning achievement, the best movie he’s ever written or directed, some kind of pinnacle of his career. I’m hoping that if it fails miserably he’ll just stop making movies and become a footnote to film history like any other passing trend. With the venom flying so freely many have asked me exactly why I hate Quentin Tarantino. Want to know? Here’s why.

My hatred of Quentin Tarantino is basically two fold. The first part of this is simply that his movies are essentially rip offs of other great films, a fact he largely ignores. To me Tarantino is like a mildly amusing cover band that’s being heralded as the great new savior of rock n roll. He also spends entirely too much time trying to make his movies cool, stylistic and hip, which dates them almost instantly.

Some it dates very obviously such as the dialog flow of Pulp Fiction and some just in feeling like Jackie Brown. Not being able to have an original thought or execute a movie that doesn’t have to be plugged into the “times” makes most of what he does lack any kind of universal feel. He doesn’t communicate anything to the audience except “look how fucking cool I am”.

Let’s start with Reservoir Dogs, which I was always a fan of until I saw City On Fire a Japanese film that came out years before. Tarantino essentially ripped his movie off from that film almost directly. City On Fire focuses on a cop involved in a heist who becomes close with his criminal friends, especially one specific character.

The film’s star Chow Yun Fat plays the cop who doesn’t want to betray his criminal brothers and the film ends with Mexican standoff that Tarantino lifts almost entirely for Reservoir Dogs. Not to mention that the cop torture scene is a rip off of another movie titled The Big Combo. So essentially this movie was a hacked up version and rip off of other films.

When Tarantino was asked about this he said he doesn’t rip movies off, they are an ”homage” to the original. Wow, that’s a pretty cheap copout. “Oh no sir I didn’t counterfeit this money, it’s an homage to real cash”. Tarantino also tried to take some kind of creative credit for the heist never being seen in Reservoir Dogs but the truth came out later that it was simply a budget problem. Even then Tarantino is trying to soak up any and all glory he can deserved or not.

Then came Pulp Fiction, the movie that did more to destroy independent film than just about anything other force out there. Why do I say that, well, I’ll get into that later. First of all Pulp Fiction was heralded as some breakthrough in cinema because….gasp….it was edited out of order. Tarantino did that with Reservoir Dogs and he’s not anywhere near the first to attempt it. People also tried to attach how it had these great adult themes but really it was just a film that made everybody look cool.

Nobody had any depth to their character or any development; they simply strutted around reciting cool dialog. You left the theater not caring about any of the characters in it but mainly reciting lines from it. While there is a place for those kinds of movies for the public (and Tarantino) to try and make it more than it was just became ludicrous. I’ve also left out how clunky, stupid and unnecessary Bruce Willis’s whole part was, it literally stops the film dead in its tracks.

Back to how it crippled independent film. With the arrival of Pulp Fiction Independent Film went from the melting pot of new ideas to a style, a way of doing things that made them “independent”. For years after Pulp Fiction we had to deal with pop culture snappy dialog films featuring a car, a gun, bad guys being funny and shootouts. It was also the start of high profile celebrities wanting to cement their “street cred” by being in these lame movies.

Instead of Tarantino renouncing this as any true fan of underground culture would he embraced his new Coolest Guy We Know status with famous people. Tarantino also managed to kill off Samuel L. Jackson the actor and replaced him with Jules his character from Pulp Fiction. Jackson has been phoning in some variation of that part in all the films he’s done since.

What followed was Jackie Brown, which Tarantino took from Elmore Leonard’s amazing book “Rum Punch”. In true Tarantino fashion he decided he knew how to make it better so he slaughtered, dissected and mouth raped the book in order to try and make his very own blaxploitation movie and it sucked. The movie dragged on endlessly without ever coming to a point. It’s nice when movies have points, I like that a lot.

Tarantino was so busy showing how AWESOME he was for being down with Pam Grier he decided to leave the actual movie making to chance. He also decided to extend his rip off (excuse my homage) trip to include even the credits, which were ripped off the Graduate. Jackie Brown’s name was ripped off of a seventies pulp novel and even the poster was paying….uh…”homage” to Grier’s older films like Coffy.

As if all of that wasn’t bad enough we were then introduced to perhaps the greatest testament to film masturbation I have ever seen: Kill Bill. This was an 84-minute B grade revenge movie stretched out over two films. Yep TWO FUCKING FILMS where nothing went on at all for the entirety of both movies. Call me old fashioned but aren’t samurai assassin revenge flicks supposed to have action in them? Sure the club sword fight and kill scene was cool but mostly this movie was talktalktalktalktalktalktalk. I couldn’t remember if it was a movie or an insurance seminar.

It was also the proof that Tarantino had lost his way entirely when it came to movies. All he could do now was try to make things so over the top you forgot he couldn’t direct worth shit. See a funny thing had happened during this time, independent film had become more personal, more intimate. It was starting to head back to movies about people and stories, neither of which Tarantino is any good at. From the start of the movie where Uma Thurman escapes in a giant yellow and pink car called The Pussy Wagon (yuk yuk) the film does nothing but try to stuff images down your throat so you’ll be too punch drunk to see that nothing is going on here at all.

Along the way Tarantino has put in some decent writing work, I will give him that. True Romance was a great script (though I’d like to know how many changes were made to it) and From Dusk Till Dawn was an interesting script that was mauled by fellow cool-rather-than-talented director Robert Rodriguez. Granted Natural Born Killers was one of the worst scripts ever written and Tarantino’s directing of Deathproof in Grindhouse was so bad I almost wondered if he was awake during the filming.

The next fold to my dislike of this man is his ego, which is out of fuck control. He is so conscious of how everything makes him look, how cool he’s seen by the world that it forces him to believe his own hype. His overly high paced interviews where he laughs at his own jokes and tries to drop a thousand movie references in thirty seconds are douche chilling almost to the point of no return. Anytime anything becomes cool in the eyes of pop culture Tarantino is they’re yelling about how he was always into that.

The Eli Roth era of awful horror movies became popular and Tarantino jumped on that bandwagon. When comic book movies became all the rage he wanted to show how down he was with comics, though in every interview he’s ever done he always talked about he never did anything but watch movies. Not one mention of this love of comics until comic book movies were cool then he was into it to. When he started running around referring to himself as a “geek” I finally got to experience what throwing up in my mouth was all about.

If anybody says anything about him he doesn’t like Tarantino turns into a giant baby. He spits on people, screams at them, threatens them (usually behind much security), he does everything but grab a bottle and lay on the ground crying. His ego is such that all he does is calculate how to make himself look cooler all the time. He’s counter public opinion if it’s cool to be counter public opinion e.g. his rant on how awesome Britney Spears is. He couldn’t even pick a pop star with actual pipes; he just grabbed who ever was on the cover of US Weekly.

He constantly drops the names of who he hangs out with, who thinks he’s a genius and then he adds this vomitous false humility that’s nearly too much to bear. Tarantino is the loser with no social skills who does the popular crowds homework so he can run with them. That would be fine if he didn’t keep trying to play this “I’m so underground” game. Everything about him is so fake and so calculated I wouldn’t be surprised if he’d been built in the basement of the major movie studios as their pretend rebel.

Which brings me to Inglorious Bastards. First of all it’s a rip off…..dammit, forgot, an homage….to a 1978 Italian movie of the same name. In that movie soldiers battle Nazis, in Tarantino’s version soldiers battle Nazis but in a different way. The best is that while the structure and bones of his movie are lifted straight from another film he won’t shut up about how hard this script was to write and how it’s the absolute best thing he’s ever done.

That’s like being able to color inside the lines and then hold the picture up and brag about what you’ve drawn. It makes no sense. Plus, and I know this is petty, but did you see him dancing around the red carpet at Canne? If that doesn’t prove that this guy’s entire life is to try and be super cool I don’t know what does.

Tarantino is a charlatan, a trickster. Everything he does is smoke and mirrors. He’s so in love with his own voice he doesn’t shut up and his own writing to the point that scenes in his films go on forever and ever and ever. He is the perfect idol for the new Hater generation where if you point out anything negative about a celebrity you’re just a “hater”.

Using that ideology Tarantino has managed to wedge himself into an area that allows for nothing but hero worship. The guy is a leech, sponging off popular opinion and pop culture and then trying to regurgitate it as his own work. Tarantino can’t write a film, he has to create an event. Essentially he’s a human marketing campaign who brings new meaning to the words “Pay No Attention To The Man Behind The Curtain”.

That is why I hate Quentin Tarantino.

WHEN THEY FIND ME IN A SOILED BATHROOM, PANTS DOWN AND GUN TO MY HEAD YOU CAN THANK...

Apparently there was a $2 million dollar deal made for another comedy starring this fucking idiot from King Of Queens. As much as yet another fat-guy-falls-down-go-boom comedy fills me with excitement (like fucking a blow up doll made of sandpaper) this new movie (called The Zookeeper) forces me to confront that we are one step closer to the end of humanity. Read this:

"Live actioner centers on zoo animals trying to teach the keeper their methods of dating and mating to help him win back the woman of his dreams."

Here's my $2 Million dollar idea for this cunt's next film.

Fat man falls in love with pretty girl he works with. One day he decides to pursue her and as he leaves his home he is run over by a giant truck. Meanwhile the producers of Paul Blart and this movie are forecably sodomized by two huge slighty-unhinged men from a local prison who are told for each tear in the producer's assholes they get 5 years off their sentence.

I know, I know it's two plot lines that don't really tie in but this is just a treatment

Off to find myself a gun, some pills and toothless meth addict mother with a free afternoon and a dirty bathroom

I hate everything.

GREG PAK RETURNS TO THE HULK!!! AWESOME INTERVIEW

Anybody who has been reading the Hulk for the last fifteen years knows that it's been incredibly awesome almost without fail. From the beginning of the storyline where Bruce Banner got Parkinson Disease all the way up through World War Hulk the title has been flawless. One of the things that made it so awesome was writer Greg Pak who gave us Planet Hulk and World War Hulk. I thought The Incredible Hulk would be just that for a long time to come.

Then Jeph Loeb stepped in and fucked it all up.

When Loeb writes anything other than Silver Age stories or with Tim Sale drawing he fails, miserably. His run on Wolverine sucked and his current run on Hulk is some of the worst writing in comic history. I haven't read a single issue (this is after being a loyal fan for fifteen or more years) since he took over.

WELL GOOD NEWS GREG PAK IS RETURNING

This amazing interview over at Newsrama (NEWSRAMA TALKS TO GREG PAK)tells the whole tale and I am a thankful bitch for it!!

OK...MAYBE I'M WRONG (V REMAKE)

WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BE EATEN ALIVE BY HER? (MORENA BACCARIN IS THE HEAD ALIEN IN V)


I think all eight of you who read this site know I am not a remake fan. I have yet to see one that surpassed the original or was more than marginally entertaining (and yes I include the Dawn Of The Dead remake I was in). I've been rallying against the V remake because I grew up with V, I loved it and I would hate to see it fucked up. However, viewing this trailer, I may be wrong. This looks like a really well done remake that sticks to the original concept just with a higher budget. True they won't have those snazzy outfits the original aliens had but what can you do. Here's the trailer:



The only problem I see is that the chick who plays the head alien is so goddamn eye searingly thousand-suns hot that I'd be hard pressed to care what she does.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF WEED

DAMN THAT'S SOME GOOD SHIT!!

I remember really enjoying the first two seasons of Weeds before I stopped watching. Not for any reason other than I didn't have Showtime at my house. I hear it's continued to kick ass and this animated video they've made of the History Of Weed is pretty fucking funny. Dig it! (Oh and yeah, it's funnier high)

HOLY SHIT, ARCHIE IS GETTING MARRIED!!

After 70 years of going back and forth between Betty and Veronica apparently Archie is finally going to propose to one of them in an upcoming issue. The Archie Comics folks are being super tight lipped as to when the issue will come out but it is a reality. I hate this idea, not because he chooses one but because they're growing Archie up. Archie is supposed to be a prepetual teenager. that's what makes him Archie. Having him grow up is a bad idea, it just doesn't work in the world they've created. Think I'm wrong about a grown up Archie sucking. Watch this, this is supposed to be Jughead as an adult:



The only bright spot is that artist Stan Goldberg will illustrate the tale. Mr. Goldberg was kind enough to send me this long ago.

HOLY SHIT DOES HUMAN TARGET LOOK AWESOME!!

I have to admit it, I missed the boat on this DC/Vertigo title. A few people had recommended it to me but I just never got around to reading it. I wish I had because the trailer looks fucking kick ass!! I'm never one to get amped on TV shows but this could be the ONE!! Check it out



AWESOME!!

WHY DOES THE V REMAKE LOOK LIKE A REVLON COMMERCIAL?

I grew up with V, it was one the first serious kick ass sci-fi things I watched on TV outside of Twilight Zone or Battlestar Galactica (some Buck Rogers). The mini series was cheesy at points and sometimes the effects were laughable but it was still an awesome movie. Now, of course, they fucking have to remake it and ruin it. Don't believe me? Watch the make up commercial that the first meeting between the Visitors and the humans has been turned into.

TWO TRAILERS, TWO FILMS, TWO VERY DIFFERENT REACTIONS

Let me just start the day angry, I mean really pissed and checking to see if my copy of the Anarchists Cook Book can help in any way to sink Hollywood into the ground. It's not secret that I've been an outspoken "hater yo" on the new Guy Ritchie slaughtered...ahem, ahem...sorry...directed moive version of Sherlock Holmes. First of all Guy Ritchie is a hack, a fucking less talented Quentin Tarantino (if there is such a thing) who tries to hard to be cool it creates unbearable douche chills. Secondly, right out of the box the producers said, and I quote, "Holmes' intellect will take a back seat to the action". AHHHH fucking brilliant, lets take EVERYTHING Sherlock Holmes was about and give it a Hollywood Enema with battery acid, good idea you fucking cunts. I have also grown to loathe Robert Downey JR and his smug "Aren't I just the best" attitude, plus for some reason he's decided to dress up Sherlock Holmes to look like Prince. I've been stewing on all of these simply from what I've read but now the trailer has come out and it's worse than I could ever fucking imagine. WATCH:



Not sure who to kill, them or myself or all of us.


On a nicer and much calmer level I got a trailer for the upcoming DC Animated movie Super/Batman: Public Enemies and it of course looks fucking kick ass. DC has really stepped up their animation game, even since Superman Doomsday. I can't wait for the Green Lantern animated movie this summer and based on this trailer the new animated Superman/Batman film looks wonderful to. CHECK IT OUT:



AHHHH, this caaalms me a bit.

A CHRISTMAS CAROL CLIP

FALL TV: WHO WILL STAY AND WHO WILL GO

So as the world of television dumps out it's season finales I gathered a list of what shows are canceled and which are coming back this fall. I of course started with the shows I'm amped are coming back...hey, don't judge me!!!

MY SHOWS:
Supernatural
Smallville
24
Fringe
House
Lie To Me
Cold Case
Criminal Minds
CSI
CSI Miami
CSI NY
Numbers
NCIS
Dollhouse


Here are the rest, with some commentary from me sprinkled in.


ABC
The Bachelor: Renewed (Because Humans are stupid)
Better Off Ted: Renewed
Brothers & Sisters: Renewed.
Castle: Renewed
Dancing with the Stars: Renewed
Desperate Housewives: Renewed (Hopefully this will be the lesbian-murder-suicide season)
Dirty Sexy Money: Canceled.
Eli Stone: Canceled.
Grey's Anatomy: Renewed
In the Motherhood: Canceled
Lost: Renewed (but the next season ain't until 2010, good luck with that)
Private Practice: Renewed
Pushing Daisies: Canceled (Bummer it was kind of a cool show)
Scrubs: Renewed (and they're bringing Zach Braf back. Looks like I packed away the high power rifle and laser scoping too soon)
Supernanny: Renewed
Surviving Suburbia: Doubtful.
Ugly Betty: Renewed
The Unusuals: Canceled
Wife Swap: Renewed (See my above stupid humans reasoning)

CBS
The Amazing Race: Renewed
The Big Bang Theory: Renewed
Eleventh Hour: Ironically Canceled in the...
Flashpoint: Doubtful
Gary Unmarried: Doubtful
Ghost Whisperer: Renewed because who doesn't love huge breasts heaving towards dead people?
Harper's Island: Canceled (I thought it was a mini-series)
How I Met Your Mother: Renewed
The Mentalist: Renewed
New Adventures of Old Christine: Unsure.
Rules of Engagement: Renewed.
Survivor: Renewed
Two and a Half Men: Renewed
The Unit: Canceled
Without a Trace: Canceled
Worst Week: Canceled

FOX
American Dad: Renewed
American Idol: Renewed
Bones: Sure thing. Renewed for TWO SEASONS and the show suuucks now
Family Guy: (Shouldn't have packed away the gasoline, rope and matches either. I fucking hate this show)
King of the Hill: Canceled (THANK GOD)
Kitchen Nightmares: Renewed
Prison Break: Canceled
The Simpsons: Renewed
Sit Down, Shut Up: Canceled.
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles: Canceled (Good. It sucked.)
'Til Death: Renewed

NBC
30 Rock: Renewed
The Biggest Loser: Renewed (Because America loves to laugh at fat people and feel bad for skinny ones)
Celebrity Apprentice: Renewed (because just filming car crashes is in bad taste)
Chuck: Renewed
Friday Night Lights: Renewed (Date rapist frat jocks everywhere have hard ons)
Heroes: Renewed
Kath & Kim: Canceled
Kings: Canceled
Knight Rider: Canceled (There might actually be a God)
Law & Order: Renewed
Law & Order: CI: Unsure (Bummer. It's my favorite one)
Law & Order: SVU: Renewed
Life: Canceled
Lipstick Jungle: Canceled
Medium: Renewed
My Name is Earl: Unsure but please if anybody is listening cancel this bitch.
The Office: Renewed
Parks and Recreation: Renewed
Southland: Renewed

The CW
90210: Renewed (Kill Me)
America's Next Top Model: Renewed (Kill Her)
Everybody Hates Chris: Canceled
The Game: Canceled
Gossip Girl: Renewed (Kill All Of Them)
One Tree Hill: Renewed (Kill All Of Us)
Privileged: Renewed
Reaper: Canceled



Ok so there you have it. Don't fret though because the summer has many kick ass shows such as Monk, Leverage, Burn Notice, Psyche and a few others. Besides we should either be outside or at the movies during the summer.

At some point I'll have the new fall shows to tell you about.

NEW VERSION OF TRANSFORMERS THEME--UPDATED

***UPDATE*** I'VE INCLUDED THE ORIGINAL VERSION FOR COMPARISON


HEY WHAT SAY WE JOIN FORCES JUST LONG ENOUGH TO KILL THIS GUY?

I don't know what to say here except FUCKING HOLY SHIT WOW!! This is Stan Bush doing a re-mix of You Got The Touch for the Transformers movie. This is so stunningly Douche Chilling I may have icicles in my ass right now. This makes me think the original version ROCKED!!


THE ORIGINAL




THE NEW VERSION

Video Code by Musicvideolife.com

THIS IS AMAZING AND I OWNED IT

When I was a kid GI Joe was the shit. Not the new Joe with Destro and Cobra and so on, that came way later. This Joe was a funky seventies bearded bad ass who went on these kind of vague adventures and fought Cavemen and other assorted weirdos. My love for Joe was so complete that I bought this play along record so the animation just makes me happy. Enjoy this as I have.

TOP TEN USELESS ARCHIE CHARACTERS

Part of the double edged sword with this blog is that nobody pays me for it. While that does suck because I could use the extra cash it also frees me up to do whatever I want, including throw business towards a site I love. The boys over at Topless Robot always do a great job with their content. Today however they surpassed it with TOP TEN USELESS ARCHIE CHARACTERS. I'm a huge Archie fan, even got Stan Goldberg to sign my Archie Vs Punisher comic (of which I also have a tattoo) but Topless Robot was right on here so go check it out.