TOP 5 WEEKEND NEWS ITEMS I DON'T CARE ABOUT

There's a lot of shit that goes down over the weekend that I don't want to waste a lot of space on so I've decided to bundle them altogether into one weekly little exercise. I hope you enjoy it:


5. Two New Iron Man 2 TV Spots:

I could give two flaming assholes about more rehashing of shit we've already seen or any new footage from this goddamn movie. Enough already, it's like Kick Ass, stop showing me shit and just open the fucking movie already. Are we so bankrupt for shit to do we have to watch bits and pieces of new movies every time somebody posts them? AGGGH It's sickening.


4. Chris Evans Talks About Captain America At Wondercon

This frat boy jock non-actor is the wrong guy for Captain America so listening to him yammer about why he's excited to play the part makes about as much sense as reading the back of a toilet paper package before wiping my ass. Not to mention the little bastard won't tell the truth like "I have nothing else going on" or "The fucking check was enormous", nope he'll just jerk Marvel off which is essentially what he did.


3. The Ghostbusters 3 Hiccup:

Apparently Bill Murray is being none too cooperative with the production people trying to get Ghostbusters 3 off the ground. Good, hopefully he'll derail this entire abortion of a project. You guys didn't mouth-rape the original enough with Ghostbusters 2 so you've decided to go into the basement, unlock the cage you keep it in, drag it out and molest it some more? Fuck you.


2. Step Up 3D Trailer

Unless this is a fucking snuff film where everybody ever involved with these movies ever is killed with rusty screwdrivers as their families look on in horror I don't give a FUCK.


1. Megan Fox Offered Red Sonja.

Rose McGowen is out and Megan Fox is in as Red Sonja? Until these two grab the chick from Dr. Parnassus and make two hour, 3D, scratch and sniff, lesbian orgy film that ends with them showing up at my house to work on the "extra scenes" I could give a good goddamn what this talentless hack does with her next movie.

There you go, all smiles and rainbows, that's me.