WEDNESDAY TOP TEN: BATMAN TOYS

So this is a new thing I'm starting called Wednesday Top Ten. Every Wednesday I'll be coming up with a new Top Ten list for no other reason than they're fun to do. This week are The Top Ten Most Awesome Batman Toys. These days toys are usually pretty run of the mill action figures or cars, maybe a playset if you're lucky. Back in the day toys used to be really fucked up but really cool. After extensive research I have dug up what I think are the most awesome toys from the world of Batman. I based my list on both the sheer awesomeness of the toy and also its bizarre level. So without further ado, here we go:




10. BATMAN SQUIRT GUN: I love this one for a lot of reason but mainly because it is the gayest thing I've ever seen. Not only is Batman bent over but he's also got his lips pursed together. Based on this toy I guess Batman spits huh?




09. MEGO BRUCE WAYNE FIGURE: This was a short lived idea in the seventies involving the alter-egos of the bigger selling figures. This was the Bruce Wayne figure which, as you can tell, fucking sucked. It could be the giant tie or the ill fitting suit (a must for an billionaire) but I think for me it's the head. This looks like they had a run on Mego Fonzie figures so they slapped on a bad suit and tried to re-sell them. Still, as bad as it is, I'd love to own one.




08. BATMOBILE BUMP CAR: This thing is so kick ass I would literally hit a stranger in the head with a shovel for one. This 60s era Batmobile not only looks awesome but it's part of the Bump Car series which I loved as a kid. You turn the car on and it moves around until it bumps something then it changes direction. In the world of video game-hyper technology that we live today it sounds dumb but for me these cars were awesome.




07. THE PENGUIN POCKET WATCH: As time pieces go it's hard to do worse than a silver pocket watch featuring the Birdman of crime himself. I dig the version of Penguin ont he face as well as the 3D penguin that moves around the watch for no reason.




06. BATMAN CANDY CIGARETTES: I love this one because it makes zero sense in the world of Batman. A hero based on being the ultimate specimen of what the human body can achieve through dedication and discipline....hawking smokes? I really wish I could've been in the marketing meeting when--in between hawking coughs---some Ad Exec pitched this idea.




05. ELASTIC BATMAN: For those who don't remember or weren't old enough to buy toys in the seventies the whole Stretch Armstrong phenomenon will mean nothing to you. Essentially Stretch Armstrong was a blonde doll with a plastic head and a body you could stretch as far as you could think to as a kid. The phenomenon got so out of control they started making Stretch Anything, including Batman. I had this and never really found a use for it. It still kicks ass though




04. BATMAN COLA: Yeah, again, not sure who decided this was a good idea but I want one simply because of the can. Add in my unending need to find out what Bat-Cola tastes like and you have a winner.




03. BATMAN UTILITY BELT: My father got me this for my birthday and I went everywhere with it, including school. I got sent home for throwing the Batarang at a kid and trying to slap the batcuffs on somebody else which I never understood. I was BATMAN, it was my job to do this. This many years later I like the idea of Batman's utility belt being so clunky and weird looking.




02. MEGO JOKER MOBILE: I wanted this thing as a kid so badly I could taste it. I never got one and I yearn for it even today. Not only is it green and covered in stickers that say "Ha" and "Hee" (because that's something the Joker would do) but the flower above squirts and a boxing glove pops out the back to punch Batman in his Bat-eye. This van remains cool thirty years later.




01. JANEX BATMAN TALKING ALARM CLOCK: This was one of my most coveted items as a child. I took this clock everywhere I went including Grandparents, friends houses, anywhere I would be sleeping over. When the alarm went off this is what you heard:

Batmobile: SCREEECH! Robin: Jumping Jehosefat Batman, we’re needed again. Batman: Right Robin, we have to wake our friends. Robin: Golly Jeepers Batman, I’ll make the call. Batman: Okay Robin wake them all. Robin: Time to GET UP and out of bed! Batman: Good boy Robin, very well said! Screech!!

Holy shit did I love this clock. I keep looking for them but the ones that still work are wicked expensive.


So that's The Top Ten Most Awesome Batman Toys. Look for a new Top Ten list next Wednesday!!