DOCTOR WHO BATTLES HIS MOST HORRENDOUS FOE....MUSICAL THEATER

I'm a recent fan of the new Doctor Who so I won't try and fake the funk. When I watched the good Doctor it was Tom Baker all the way and then Peter Davison and a bit of Colin Baker. I didn't rush into the new series because I thought it looked too good, Doctor Who was supposed to be cheap looking ala the first Star Trek series. Dalek's looked like garbage cans, so forth and so on. However when I did relent I found myself madly in love with the new series.

Now comes news that Doctor Who is going to step off the screen and hit the stage as a musical and I pretty much think that sucks ass. Granted the show is being helmed by Steven Moffat the head writer for the show but still, a singing dancing Doctor battling Daleks just seems wrong to me. The only thing that could work would be to see how long the audience could stand a duet between two Daleks in love. The show is only touring through Europe and I doubt it will see much in the way of an American pass through. The new Doctor on the show Matt Smith and his assistant Karen Gillian won't be having anything to do with the show, which is probably for the best.

The music will be helmed by Murray Gold, a guy who has come under a severe amount of fire due to his fucking with the Doctor Who theme, a theme that's remained the same since 1963. To me changing a theme, unless you totally fuck it up, is no big deal but the folks across the pond have been hitting the roof for a while about it. Here's a side by side comparison, you tell me if it's a big deal.



Wow, listening to them side by side I'm starting to understand the hatred, the new one sounds like a DJ Tricky remix. Doctor Who isn't supposed to be danceable, that sucks. Anyway, the show kicks off at London's Wembley Stadium on October 8th.

THE HEADBANGERS BALL UNCENSORED I HOSTED

Ahhh yes, back in the days when I was somebody. All SIX PARTS!!

CAPTAIN AMERICA Outfit Leaks

Well kind of.

Apparently these mock ups that have been making the rounds are actual studio confirmed illustrations of what the Captain America suit will look like. Though it's not like the comic book exactly I don't have a problem with it at all, it looks like a combination between the Ultimates suit and the normal Cap gear. The biggest problem with it is that Chris Evans is in the suit and he sucks ass and will help ruin his movie and fuck up The Avengers film. Good job Marvel. Anyway, here are the photos

DALEK & CLOUD CAR. GETCHA GEEK ON!!

Like my thumbs up picture? Since I don't do much on toys and collectibles unless they're really cool (or not part of a greater franchise) I thought that photo would illuminate my excitement on these nifty items. Let's get started shall we?




DESKTOP PATROL DALEK

This thing is wicked cool but you'd have to work in a very understanding or hip office or your roommate/significant other would have to be super awesome. Why? Well this Dalek not only looks awesome but it moves around your desk screeching EXTERMINATE!! The Dalek has a built in sensor so it won't hit things or fall of the desk but like I said it might get annoying. Thankfully you can shut all that off and just have the cool ass Dalek. To buy it check HERE. The Desktop Patrol Dalek retails for about $36 bucks and will hit stores in August.




TWIN POD CLOUD CAR

With the 30th Anniversary of Empire Strikes Back having just passed (I didn't write about it because I don't care anymore) the folks at Hasbro have unveiled the new updated Twin Pod Cloud Car. I always loved this ship when I was a kid and I remember owning the original one and playing with it for hours. That one only had a cockpit for figures and a retractable landing gear. This one has landing gear, guns, missiles and can split into single cloud cars. To buy it click HERE. It retails for about $30.

SUCK MY ASS IT SMELLS: JAMES CAMERON

So often people ask why nobody in the rest of the world takes America seriously anymore, why we're a walking punchline. If you don't already know look no further then the report that director James Cameron has been flown into brainstorm with scientists on stopping the massive BP oil flow that is currently destroying an Ocean, killing wild life, taking people's livelihoods and property as well. This is what we do while something this destructive goes down? We turn to a fucking movie director to save our asses? Has America drifted so far into the vast ocean of stupidity that we as a people actually believe a star can save us from the bad things? This isn't a movie folks and Cameron can't do anything for us. I mean Christ the whole mess is already in 3D because it's FUCKING REAL...what can this Avatar asshat do?

Anybody who is about to raise up and hand me a gut full of Cameron's expertise with underwater equipment just shut the fuck up right now. This guy used his money to fuck around with some underwater cameras and submersibles in order to try and lend credence to his crappy Titanic movie by filming the real thing. Well hell fuck yeah that makes him an expert in disaster clean up. I once had a bitchen remote controlled submarine, can I get flown out to help fix the leak? I thought we'd hit rock bottom as a country when California elected Schwarzenegger as their Governor but nope, we continue to drop down the ladder of humanity one rung at a time.

The thing that chaps my ass is that Cameron's legendary ego is so fucking out of control he actually believes he can help. He actually thinks he can slide in and try to fix the problem. Why, because he directed a movie about blue people who love nature? Is it because he's such a gosh golly right on tree hugger he thinks he can commune with nature? This just shows the lack of seriousness the leak is being given. Nobody gives a solid shit about the damage being done, everybody just wants either to not be hurt by the fallout or to be the hero of the day who stops the oil.

Millions and millions of gallons are leaking every few hours into the ocean, destroying the natural balance, reducing a huge part of the planet to a toxic dumpsite. Is anybody getting this? Does anybody really understand how bad it is? The people in charge sure don't seem to understand the reality here, or they just don't care. Obama, a guy I usually root for, has screwed the pooch so hard on this it brings back shades of when Dubya got Brown, the head of the Equestrian Society, to head up FEMA and totally fuck up the Katrina disaster rescue. Obama should be fining the board of directors of BP hundred of thousands of dollars personally a day until it's fixed and he should allow for those with BP in their homes to not pay their bills until it's fixed. Watch how fast that shit gets done.

Nope, not us, not our Government. Instead we send a movie director to help with the Sci-Fi robot plan. What's next? If this doesn't work let's call Christian Bale, after all he is Batman and Batman could stop this. We could call Brandon Routh, he's really Superman and could fix it lickety split. Better yet let's get the guy from Entourage who played Aquaman to swim down there and use his power to communicate with the sea animals as a way of fixing the problem. With the wealth of Hollywood movies at our disposal America has any number of people to choose from.

So while James Cameron brainstorms and America looks on rooting for him the oil continues to leak. BP continues to hem and haw and Obama does nothing but go out there and point to the oil saying "That's bad". Thanks Prez, glad you're here to tell us these things. My favorite is how the dirty rat bastard Republicans, who could be using this to crucify Obama have said very little. Why, because their scum bag golfing buddies are oil barons and they don't wanna bite the hands that corrupt them. If this is how we react to things then the human race deserves to drown in oil.


SERIOUSLY DUDE, I CAN FIX IT!!

FIRST IMAGES OF WALKING DEAD...AND VIDEO

Don't get too excited the only photo here is of one of the zombies and while that's cool and all it doesn't do much to let us know how the rest of the human cast looks. Seriously, view this zombie and tell me it looks any better or worse than any other zombie in any other zombie movie.




See what I mean, not exactly earth shattering news. More interesting is the video which has director Frank Darabont giving the low down on his inspiration for making the show. The first season is only six episodes but the first season of Breaking Bad was only seven and obviously those episodes hooked the country (even a cynical asshole like me). I like Darabont a lot and I love Walking Dead author Robert Kirkman who is also involved with the show so I'm amped for the premiere. Anyway, here's the video

NAZI TOURETTES....I Love Me Some LEWIS BLACK

Glen Beck is a worthless cunt, I think we can all agree. Nobody sums it up like Lewis Black!!

THE COOL KIDS Drop The Dope MixTape

Yeah okay so I'm not the most street sounding white boy ever, so what? I promise I've been to more old school hip hop shows than you have because I'm old and I lived in NYC most of my life...SO THERE!! Anyhoo, Chicago's The Cool Kids are about to release their new album When Fish Ride Bicycles and to celebrate they unleashed this awesome mixtape titled The Tackle Box. Dig it!!

The Cool Kids - Tacklebox (Mixtape) by Hypetrak

AS THE CROW FLIES...AGAIN

Remember way back, way way way back, think hard, squint your eyes and focus your brain waves. Okay now try to picture in your mind a time when The Crow movies didn't suck. There was only one of them in the entire three or four picture series that didn't absolutely suck ass, does that help? It was the first one, the one with Brandon Lee, the one that cost him his life. That Crow was moody, dark, almost a superhero noir film and it was pulled off years before the big superhero rush to film. From there the entire series became a lesson in just how badly Hollywood could fuck up a movie. It's no wonder Crow writer J.O.'Barr has vanished since all of that, I'd have stopped writing to if they raped my creation.

Jump ahead fifteen years or more and the Reboot Whores are sniffing around the bleeding period of a long forgotten franchise hoping to cash in. Essentially a bunch of people have gotten together to try and relaunch The Crow, pretty much assuring that what ever was left of the legacy of the original is done for. According to the producer a script is finished and an offer has gone out to a "major star". It'll probably be somebody like Taylor Lautner or some other hack that'll get teen girls with wet panties into the theaters along with their boyfriends who are hoping she'll horny enough to hand out blow jobs later on. I particularly loved this quote from the producer about the actual crow that gives the character his powers:

"a creature... it's not just a bird. It's got a personality and a character. Not like Godzilla exactly, but it's very different [and has] a more active role in the story."

Okay what the fuck does that mean? The crow will talk? Dance? Have wacky one liners? Maybe it means it'll spout pseudo wisdom like some kind of Yoda with feathers. Whatever happens you can bet it's gonna suck huge amounts of ass.

I hate everything

FOR THOSE WHO WONDERED HOW THE KARATE KID REMAKE HAPPENED

If you're like me then you hate the idea of the Karate Kid remake. Forget that it's a movie featuring a kid learning Kung Fu, set in China and yet still called Karate Kid which is a Japanese martial art. Forget that it's Will Smith's kid and instead of the basic moves that carried the character through in the original he's flipping all around. Forget that the property doesn't need to be redone and it belongs in the nostalgia files of the eighties. The fact is it doesn't seem like a viable leap for a movie company to take.

Well now I know why they did. A friend of mine sent me this article and man if it didn't clear lots of things up. Check it out at LA TIMES.