New STAR WARS Comedy Show Confirms That George Has Lost It

We all know that George Lucas took a large throbbing spiked cock he lovingly referred to as Episode I-III and rammed it down the crying throats of our inner child, that's old news. What isn't old news is that Lucas apparently continues to come a bit unglued every single day, making more and more ridiculous decisions for his already much molested Star Wars Properties. This week old George Porgie gave the green light to a comedy show based on the Star Wars Universe.

I will repeat that.


George Lucas has given the okay for a comedy show based on the Star Wars Universe. Here are the details, which I warn you choke down like a Ghost Chili smothered in hydrochloric acid.

Lucasfilm Animation is developing a new animated "Star Wars" TV comedy series. Daytime Emmy and Gemini Award-winner Jennifer Hill ("The Backyardians") will produce with Todd Grimes ("Back at the Barnyard") directing. Brendan Hay ("The Daily Show") will be among the writers and Seth Green and Matthew Senreich, creators and executive producers of "Robot Chicken," will have "creative involvement." Project marks the second "Star Wars" skein created by Lucasfilm Animation. The first was "Star Wars: The Clone Wars," which premiered in 2008 on the Cartoon Network. Series is currently in its second season. No start date or network for the comedy skein have been announced.

All I can glean from this is that Lucas is now willing to do anything he thinks might turn over a buck for his studio. I'll be wicked upfront about it, I never thought Robot Chicken was that funny and outside of maybe two skits involving Star Wars the rest of the "Star Wars Robot Chicken" thing was as entertaining as playing keep away with an armless kid suffering from Down Syndrome. On a side note every time I look at Seth Green I want to punch him in the face. I guess after Old Dogs there was no choice but to trust his creative genius.

I digress. I'm guessing since Robot Chicken has sold well on DVD and kept an audience that Lucas figures why not add one more helping of shit to the pile Star Wars fans are still eating. The other reason I think he's willing to lend out Star Wars to anybody who might turn a buck is recently Lucas turned down Genndy Tartakovsky's request to make a Han Solo and Chewbacca cartoon. Why? That makes sense, that's a rich and fertile storytelling environment that with cool animation could lead to something awesome for the fans.

Nope, not George, he's gonna go with kooky comedy. I suppose we should all be glad he didn't ask Seth Macfarlane who also spoofed Star Wars on his so-awful-I-want-him-killed show Family Guy.

You think you feel bad? I have fucking Star Wars tattoos.

I hate everything

Thanks to TOPLESS ROBOT for details

TOP 5 WEEKEND NEWS ITEMS I DON'T CARE ABOUT

There's a lot of shit that goes down over the weekend that I don't want to waste a lot of space on so I've decided to bundle them altogether into one weekly little exercise. I hope you enjoy it:


5. Two New Iron Man 2 TV Spots:

I could give two flaming assholes about more rehashing of shit we've already seen or any new footage from this goddamn movie. Enough already, it's like Kick Ass, stop showing me shit and just open the fucking movie already. Are we so bankrupt for shit to do we have to watch bits and pieces of new movies every time somebody posts them? AGGGH It's sickening.


4. Chris Evans Talks About Captain America At Wondercon

This frat boy jock non-actor is the wrong guy for Captain America so listening to him yammer about why he's excited to play the part makes about as much sense as reading the back of a toilet paper package before wiping my ass. Not to mention the little bastard won't tell the truth like "I have nothing else going on" or "The fucking check was enormous", nope he'll just jerk Marvel off which is essentially what he did.


3. The Ghostbusters 3 Hiccup:

Apparently Bill Murray is being none too cooperative with the production people trying to get Ghostbusters 3 off the ground. Good, hopefully he'll derail this entire abortion of a project. You guys didn't mouth-rape the original enough with Ghostbusters 2 so you've decided to go into the basement, unlock the cage you keep it in, drag it out and molest it some more? Fuck you.


2. Step Up 3D Trailer

Unless this is a fucking snuff film where everybody ever involved with these movies ever is killed with rusty screwdrivers as their families look on in horror I don't give a FUCK.


1. Megan Fox Offered Red Sonja.

Rose McGowen is out and Megan Fox is in as Red Sonja? Until these two grab the chick from Dr. Parnassus and make two hour, 3D, scratch and sniff, lesbian orgy film that ends with them showing up at my house to work on the "extra scenes" I could give a good goddamn what this talentless hack does with her next movie.

There you go, all smiles and rainbows, that's me.

LOGORAMA: The Most Brilliant Short Film You'll Ever See

This is so goddamn rich I won't waste time on how great I think it is. It was was directed by the French animation collective H5: François Alaux, Hervé de Crécy and Ludovic Houplain (there's no way Americans could have made this) and won a much deserved Oscar for best short film. Okay enough bullshit, here is LOGORAMA

Logorama from Marc Altshuler - Human Music on Vimeo.

TRON LEGACY Fake Press Conference A Bust

I'm just as excited to see Tron Legacy as anybody out there and I do mean anybody. When I was a kid and saw Tron it just about killed me, I literally fell in love with it instantly. I would run around my parent's apartment at a weird angle pretending I was holding onto a bar and riding a light cycle. I made my folks take me to see it, neighbors, friends parents, anybody I could trick into going with me.

I had the toys (which I wish I still fucking had) and my dad even made me a fake Tron costume. I was obsessed and have remain obsessed ever since. When Tron Legacy was announced I had my reservations but looking at the trailers and reading the treatment I became amped to see it. I even played the godforsaken video game quiz to win the Encom badge and almost paid $35 for a Flynn Lives t-shirt.

Oh yeah, I'm all in for this.

Now though, it's getting to be a little much. The whole Tron "Viral" marketing thing has taken a bad step and the fake press conference that took place in San Francisco on Friday night is glaring proof of this. First of all there is nothing lamer then when actors are forced to play their parts outside of the film for some marketing campaign. Watching Bruce Boxleitner parade around as Alan Bradley from the original film is just uncomfortable and watching others interview him like IGN as if he's really Bradley never comes across as anything but a bad SNL skit.

Apparently this big viral press conference hit a bad snag and become one of the most anticlimactic things ever. The idea behind it was that Alan Bradley would be announcing that Encom would be celebrating the life of Kevin Flynn (Jeff Bridges) by re-releasing his classic video game Spaceparanoids with 15 levels of new game play Flynn himself had finished before vanishing twenty years earlier.

They could have finished this up with a sudden interference on the screen behind Boxleitner that then gave a cryptic message from Flynn about being alive and topping it off with a new trailer or at least new footage. Instead this bunch of supposed "Flynn Lives" renegades took over the stage and all these Flynn Lives signs that were handed out to the audience came up and then there was this stupid helicopter stunt that made no sense at all. The entire thing was a bust and it was completely the fault of the people who planned it.

First off it was freezing cold that night and the audience had to wait around in the cold for an hour. Apparently the audience had all been given Flynn Lives t-shirts which they were supposed to expose when the group rushed the stage. The problem was it was so goddamn cold nobody took of their jackets, just held up signs. The next problem was the wind held up the big copter event so Bruce Boxleitner had to stand around improving until he was walked off stage.

Finally the helicopter came, a guy jumped out, landed and drove off in a car. This was supposed to be Sam Flynn, the son of Kevin Flynn but what it had to do with ANYTHING seemed lost on the crowd. Once it was over many hung around fully expecting there to be more going on. NOPE, nothing, just a badly executed and unnecessary marketing gimmick.

With Tron Legacy being a full nine months away (it hits in December) I'm left to wonder how many more of these stupid "viral" marketing ploys will we be forced to endure and will they eventually turn people against the movie. I beg the Tron folks to rethink their game plan, which of course they won't. Why? Because they can edit this shitty press conference into something great. Want proof, check it out:



AND HERE'S THE HELICOPTER THING



See, that makes it look like the whole thing was wicked cool. I'm still amped on the movie but I'm getting fucking tired of these lame marketing jams.

Resident Evil 384: Milla Jovavich Is Still Hot As Balls

MIGHT IS SUGGEST THIS BE MILLA'S NEW ZOMBIE FIGHTING ATTIRE?

Video games are the one nerd ship that sailed without me. I wanted to be down, I wanted to roll deep with 37 gaming systems, 4000 games and a handcuff which would tether me to my home computer while I played an online role playing game until blood shot from my eyes. Alas it was not to be and so I stood on the dock waving to my other friends as the video game ship sailed into the distance.

What it boiled down to essentially is that video games bore me to tears, I don't know why, I can't explain it they just do. The weirdest part is having grown up in the eighties I was always, always, ALWAYS at the arcade. I loved my Atari 2600 and my Coleco Vision. Then something happened and I just grew disinterested.

So when the Resident Evil movies came out I had little knowledge of the video games they were based on. I went and saw them simply as action movies with a basic working knowledge that they somehow tied into a zombie video game. The movies, across the board, sucked. It was awesome to warm up the nerd boner for Milla because she's burn-out-the-planets hot no matter what she does.

Her inability to stretch her acting game beyond opening her eyes wide, pouting or yelling means nothing based on what she's here for. If Megan Fox is the incredibly hot slut girl you would kill your grandmother to bang then Milla is the incredibly hot fashion school girl you spend all your money dating while saying things like "These boots are important." She's eye candy and in the Resident Evil movies she's eye candy that kicks the shit out of people.

After a lengthy absence Resident Evil returns with Afterlife in which Milla searches for survivors, fights bad guys and enlists another hot girl to run around and kill things with her. While the trailer doesn't look any worse than the other films I got really annoyed with the fact that they were selling it mainly on the 3D aspect. It literally says "FILMED WITH THE JAMES CAMERON/VINCENT PACE FUSION CAMERA SYSTEM, THE WORLD’S MOST ADVANCED 3D TECHNOLOGY"

Seriously, Hollywood has smoked so much 3D Crystal Meth that it's too high to see how lame that is? I can't wait for the 3D thing to squat down and take a huge shit on the heads of the Hollywood corporate system. I mean fuck when are we.....oh.....wait,,,,,,shit, sorry here's the trailer:

BATMAN: THE ODYSSEY Is Finally Coming Out....Nerd Boner Rages

You know what you're looking at? Do you, do you have any fucking clue what exactly you're staring at and how goddamn sonofabitch awesome it is? No, well then let me enlighten you. From the late forties to the seventies Batman sucked. The amazing genius character Bob Kane and Bill Finger created was sodomized by the comic book world and turned into this antiseptic, kid friendly, super-dad and it was the worst thing ever. Then in the seventies a man named Neal Adams, an artist so good it makes me openly weep, took up the fight and gave Batman his balls back. Adams and writer Denny O'Neil reinvented the caped crusader into the Dark Knight, returning him to his former glory. Everything Batman related stems from this era and without it Batman would still be seen as the Adam West bullshit show.

Since 2007 Neal Adams has been talking about a tour de force Batman event called Batman: The Odyssey which finds Batman battling a series of seemingly unrelated challenges, villains and allies, old and new, that push him to his limits as never before. The battles get more intense and, in turn, more deadly, The Dark Knight discovers that there might be an over-arching force behind his troubles. Finally after years of talk the Neal Adams written & drawn series will hit stores in July. Adams had this to say about the series:

"I have been collecting bits and pieces of Batman's life and time over the years since I was doing Batman regularly," Adams said. "With even this massive series, I haven't been able to shove them all in. but the juiciest and richest morsels are there. Have comic books always been this much fun?"

One thing, of the many, that I'm amped about is this takes place outside the normal continuity of the Batman Universe so it'll remain classic Neal Adams not Adams trying to write Dick Grayson as Batman. There hasn't been any conformation of the rumor that Frank Miller will help Adams write the series and after the abortion that was All Star Batman & Robin I can only hope it never happens.

BRIGHTEST DAY IMAGES GIVE ME HOPE

I loved me some Blackest Night and while issue #8 wasn't as awesome as I wanted it to be, the entire story is too brilliant to really fuck about with. I'm not as sure about Brightest Day simply because the last time DC did a weekly (or in this case bi-weekly) comic, the oft loathed Countdown, it sucked giant asshole. I'm down to give Brightest Day a shot for two reasons, one is that I roll deep with anything involving Aquaman and two I trust writer Geoff Johns won't fuck it up. DC release some images today dealing with Brightest Day and they do make it all seem very cool. I dig the idea that there are reasons behind these resurrections and I like the idea of the Lanterns battling for the White Lantern. Check out the images for yourself.

SPLICE Movie Trailer

SARAH POLLEY'S FIRST MOVIE FACIAL WON'T BE UNPROTECTED!

Splice is a really hard movie to follow because what they say it is ain't what it looks like. When I saw the above movie still I figured Sarah Polley had been tired of not getting the deep dicking she always wanted so she created her own living penis to service her whenever she wanted. Then I found out Adrian Brody was in it and thought maybe he was the end result of the biggest man made dick ever. Nope, that would be Jesse "White Power Bitches Fuck Good" James, so once again I was stumped. Then some movie critic claimed this was a serious look at playing God. I bought that until I saw the trailer which looks like some standard horror movie shit out by the worthless likes of Eli Roth or Rob Zombie.

So is it a giant dink movie? A bad horror movie? A look at science gone too far? Fuck if I know but here's the trailer. Let me know if you can make sense of it.

Captain America Gets More Beefcake

When I say that I don't mean lame I mean actually becoming a movie that will drum up business in the gay market not seen ever in the world of comic book movies. First they got buff heartthrob Chris Evans to be Captain America even though he sucks as an actor and will look like a frat boy date rapist in a Halloween costume. Now they've gotten this kid Sebastian Stan from Gossip Girl to play Bucky Barnes:





Doesn't he just have that wholesome easy-meat-and-a-reasonably-good-buy teen prostitute look that we all imagined Bucky would have? Seriously, what the fuck, is Marvel trying to sabotage Captain America? Hiring Rocketeer director Joe Johnston to helm Captain America was their first mistake. I dug the Rocketeer but Johnston's directing style isn't what I would call exciting. Chris Evans as Captain America could be the worst casting for a superhero movie since Michael Clarke Duncan was handed the role of the Kingpin in the shit your pants awful Daredevil movie. Evans can't ever not have that cunt frat guy smirk on his face, EVER. Even when he tries to play it straight that smirk is still there. Captain America doesn't have a smirk, he's not a jokester, in fact he could be seen as too serious. Now this Sebastian kid who just fawns around looking forlorn on that insipid show is Bucky? The suckometer just rose another notch with this movie.

An what gives with everybody casting for superhero movies from Gossip Girl? First some teeny bopper chick gets hired for Green Lantern and now this guy gets Bucky. Is the cast handing out free blowjobs or do the producers have pictures of the heads of Marvel with goats in tutus? I'm waiting for them to replace the star in the middle of Cap's shield with a pink triangle.

I don't care if they do that but let's at least be honest about it.

HERMOINE'S STALKER, NOW THIS I'D SEE

Emma Watson is hot, there I said it. I don't give a fuck how much she reminds you of Hermoine, or how you want her to stay a little girl (which is actually creepier) she's a young woman now. It's like Dakota Fanning in The Runaways, puberty is hacking and slashing its way through young Hollywood at an alarming rate. With that out there this trailer is hysterical and if it offends you I suggest taking a look at the world we live in and shutting the fuck up. I don't know how these guys pulled this off but it rules!!