GOOD MARKETING VS BAD MARKETING

Look I get it, I understand, I "feel you" or whatever other stupid parlance of our time you want to throw at me. Marketing is here to stay, it won't go anywhere it's like AIDS/SWINE FLU/GONORRHEA times 10, I get that. Toys, t-shirts, posters, tie in comics, novels, etc, that all sucks the soul out of a movie but I get why they need to do it. My issue comes when the marketing people aren't put on a tight leash when it comes to products. Here's what I'm talking about. Two event movies this year is abysmal-but-lucrative Wolverine movie and the unreleased-but-I-have-faith live action Where The Wild Things Are movie. Both are going to have tie ins but it seems one knows how to do this and one doesn't. Here's the Where The Wild Thing Are tie in.





See, toys, and cool toys. Kind of hip, a little pretentious, they're PERFECT and they don't reach through the anus of the legacy of the film and tear its soul out.


AND.....THEN....WE HAVE......THIS





Yeah I have no words for this either. If you can't tell what it is this the Wolverine Golf Club cover. Seriously? I mean..yeah seriously? What the fuck does GOLF have to do with Wolverine on any level. It's not even like the stupid Wolverine Latte machine or X-TREME PIZZA bullshit, this is stupid on a much deeper level. The worst is that MARVEL approved this hunk of shit. As I sit here seeing this in all of its stupefying glory I came up with some other movie tie ins.

DARK KNIGHT KITTY LITTER

SPIDER-MAN ALL PURPOSE BLEACH

X-MEN WOOD POLISH AND STAIN REMOVER

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES DRIVING GLOVES

SUPERMAN HEAVY DUTY SHELF HINGES

PUNISHER VIOLIN BOW ROSIN

OK marketing guys, have it, just remember to send me my check.

ME ON SESAME STREET

So a long time ago in a galaxy far far away I was on Sesame Street. My amazing girlfriend found the short on You Tube so I figured I'd post it. I'm at the end so check it out.

JON BLANK PASSES AWAY

Bassist Jon Blank from Wino's Punctuated Equilibrium has passed away. For more details check HERE

I want to wish the Blank Family my deepest condolences.

THE BEST BOOKS FROM FREE COMIC BOOK DAY 2009

So this past weekend was Free Comic Book Day and if you missed it you missed a real doozy. In my area New England Comics put on a kick ass display, especially in Allston (thanks Michelle) where there were signings, buttons, food, and all kinds of cool shit. Sara (my fiancee) and I walked around the whole town picking up comics and after reading them here are the three best from my standpoint. If you can find any leftovers then pick them up ASAP.






BLACKEST NIGHT ZERO

This was an awesome book because the story was open for anybody who wanted to read it. It simply had Hal Jordan (Green Lantern) telling Barry Allen (The Silver Age Flash) what's all been happening since he vanished 20 years ago. The story will interest new fans and old alike as well as gearing everybody up for Blackest Night #1 an event I simply can't wait for. The other awesome thing is that in the back is a page explaining all the off-shoot Lanterns (Red, Yellow, Blue, Black, etc). Who they are, how they came to be and what their importance is are all covered.





THE AVENGERS

This was just a cool story though it was pretty much for folks like me who love these characters. The frost God Ymir has attacked and knocked out Thor so the Avengers come to help. Sadly they are met by Norman Osbournes Dark Avengers but the two must team up to defeat the frost god. When Thor forces Norman Osbourne to step off, it's pretty fucking cool.





SAVAGE DRAGON

I've never read Savage Dragon. Not because of anything negative I just never read it. Well this issue has peaked my interest so much I start buying it. While the story of Savage Dragon trying to find his kidnapped kids is simple the issue is more about filling you in on what's happened from the very first issue. This type of issue is exactly what Free Comic Book Day is all about. Interesting people in comics and/or titles they've never read.


So if you missed it this year don't miss it next year. MAY 1ST 2010!!

RIP REMIX: COULD BE ONE OF THE MOST IMPORTANT DOCUMENTARIES EVER

We are beseeched on all sides by the tyranny of panic stricken corporations who have decided that the creative exchange of ideas is tantamount to mugging or purse snatching. Unable to deal with or even attempt to understand the new world that has sprung up around them they continue to clamp down on that which they don't understand. However, like nature itself, creativity and new ideas always find a way to flourish underneath the iron grip of conformity and repression. RIP Remix explores that idea and I think it's going to be seen as an important film for launching the global understanding of the new world we live in. Technology is only the enemy if you vilify it.

WORDS FAIL ME....SERIOUSLY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY

SAVE YOUR MONEY: CRITICS TAKE ON WOLVERINE

I'M THE BEST AT WHAT I DO.....WHICH IS TO SIIIING, SING OUT LOUD, SIIING OUT STRONG!!

If you were foolish enough not pay attention to my original review of Wolverine (see sidebar to find it on this blog) then maybe some higher names in the world of film critics will grab your attention. Here are what they're saying about Wolverine:

"Sometimes junk food is soul food, and sometimes junk movies are yummy and satisfying (and never mind the bellyache later)." -- MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher

"Strictly speaking, it's a mess..." -- Rob Vaux, Mania.com

"Whatever actually happened, the explosions all go off on time, which in a film like this is all that really matters." Kenneth Turan, LA Times.


"Even by the standard of a fourth-in-a-series summer blockbuster, Wolverine is remarkably lame." -- Dana Stevens, SLATE

"A transparent attempt to squeeze a faltering franchise for its last drop of box-office juice." -- Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

"A couple of halfway decent action scenes do little to distract from the story’s mounting ludicrousness, or a conclusion that’s only a little more satisfying than a projector breakdown. Maybe." -- Keith Phipps - AV Club

"Falling somewhere between noble failure and modest success, 'Wolverine' is ultimately a generic Summer film actioneer that will quickly be forgotten" -- Garth Franklin, Dark Horizons

Lastly:

"I have been powerfully impressed by film versions of Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, Iron Man and the Iron Giant. I wouldn't even walk across the street to meet Wolverine." - Roger Ebert

The only positive thing about this Wolverine movie is that it's made that smug, sycophantic blob Harry Knowles look like the uber cunt we know he is. After raging about how this movie gave Emma Frost diamond skin when she never had that ower old "SUPER GEEK" had to back peddle when he found out not only did Emma Frost have diamond skin but she used it to survive when Genosha was destroyed. For all X-Men fans you'll understand how silly the makes Harry look.

He also refuses to review the movie because they won't let him see it for free and nobody from the set sent him gifts or sucked his cock. Maybe this will lead to the end of Aint It Cool (if you're willing to spend the money) News.

SUCK MY ASS IT SMELLS NO DOUBT

OK everybody get ready to whip out your "Iann Is A Hater" card because I'm filled with venom on this one. Ever since No Doubt announced they'd be getting back together to record a new album people have been acting like it's the second coming.

So being a music fan I have to call BULLSHIT on that whole idea. No Doubt are not some seminal band with a great influence on music who have returned to show us all how it's done. This is an extremely average pop band that had two key strokes of luck. First off they had Gwen Stefani who clearly won the genetic lottery. She is so hot that most of the world largely ignored her awful lyrics and how she's a one trick pony when it comes to singing style.

The other stroke of luck was the their first album was largely written by Gwen's brother who left the band when it became clear they were going to sell out their original ska-ish roots to become a pop juggernaut. The brother wrote some nifty stuff so the first album was pretty damn good. Even with Gwen's barf-o-rama lyrics of unrequited love as told from the point of view of a 9th grader the songs were solid and well crafted.

After that pretty much everything they did either sucked or was so unbelievably average you were left scratching your head. Then you had to put up with the actual band itself which was awful. Is it me or does everybody want to smash the drummer in the head until he bleeds out of his eyes? WE GET IT DUDE you can take your pants off and wear panties when you play and rock a Mohawk and clearly try every cliche bullshit thing in the world to seem "CRAZY". I'm sorry your mother held you too long or not long enough but please, spare us.

Then we have the other two guys. First there's the bass player who always looks so smug you just want to grab the drummer by the ankles and beat him to death. I'd rank on the guitar player but his lot in life is already sad. The third tier "character" in the No Doubt cartoon. He's like the musical equivalent of the nameless guy who gets killed in the first 5 minutes of Star Trek.

Then we have Gwen, giggly, smiley, putrid Gwen. This chick got into music so she could make handbags and live the lifestyle. There is nothing about her that says she gives two shits about music. If you think "B-A-N-A-N-A-S" is some kind of awesome lyrical achievement then kill yourself.

No joke, just go kill yourself.

No Doubt are a one note player piano that somehow got stuck in the "on" position so they never shut down. They are huge because men want to fuck Gwen Stefani and girls want to look like her. Musically they are nothing more than a patchwork quilt that has taken shreds of various genres and slapped them together into something functional but not very impressive.

So to No Doubt and their "I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE BACK" self importance attitudes SUCK MY ASS IT SMELLS

MANIFESTATIONS! THIS IS PRETTY AWESOME

The story of a cartoon critter named Mr. Chip who seeks anime love in a psychedelic, ever-morphing virtual world. The music is by Welsh composer Ceri Frost