Thursday, September 3, 2009


We were so close, so damn close

Earlier this summer the Comic Book Gods had smiled down on us and said: "Yes my children, we hear your calls and we understand." Thusly a great hand swept down and the stab-my-neck-with-a-rusty-screwdriver Spider-Man musical was called off. The idiots putting it on had let the budget spiral out of control and not even the vomit inducing pretentious interview with Bono & The Edge (who wrote the music) could save it. We rejoiced, held hands, sang songs and danced around large bonfires sending our praises and thanks to the Comic Book Gods.

And then the NY Post released this statement on Bono reviving the project:

No, the help -- or, more accurately, the cash -- is said to be coming by way of Bono, who, with The Edge, has written the score to "Spider-Man."

Bono's too smart to put his own money in the show, but word on the street is that he's tapped into his vast network of rich friends and business associates to restart production.

Designers and some stagehands go back to work today.

Bono feeds half of Africa, so raising a few more million for "Spider-Man" shouldn't be too difficult.

So if I have this right Bono is now the new Norman Osbourne. Here we have an egocentric, narcissistic cunt who hides his true evil behind supposed philanthropy and has focused his sights on destroying everything that makes Spider-Man who he is. All Bono needs now is the nappy red-hair buzz cut and a sharp silk suit. When he wants to become his alter-ego The Bon-Goblin he just gets a black long haired wig, puts on those stupid giant sunglasses, his leather pants and ruffly red shirt and gets upon his Edge Glider which not only shoots missiles but plays "It's A Beautiful Day" whenever he swoops down to attack.

My favorite part in this is that Bono isn't even using his own money, he's tapping the same reserves he uses for his Africa charity work. Apparently his ego is so out of control that he'll lose money for the people who fund his charity work in order to fund a project he doesn't believe in enough to use his own cash on.

Bon Osbourne the world

the world Bon Osbourne

I hate everything

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