Tuesday, September 8, 2009
I LOVE IT, I HATE IT, I LOVE IT, I HATE IT--WHAT THE FUCK TO DO ABOUT HALLOWEEN 3
In case anybody hasn't read my blog review of Halloween II I disliked strongly. It was too lazy and stupid for me to hate but I seriously didn't like it. Since it made a gazonga-load of money the Weinstein's have decided they're gonna make a Halloween III this time with Patrick Lussier at the helm. He was the guy who directed the less-than-stellar remake of My Bloody Valentine in 3D. My knee-jerk reaction (emphasis on JERK) was to get all enraged and up in arms and yadda yadda yadda. Then something occurred to me and without warning I was locked in a merciless battle for my own soul over my feelings towards Halloween III. Here's how it broke down:
I LOVE IT: because Rob Zombie has taken his ball and decided to go home. Having done a thorough job of destroying Halloween as well as making two back to back pants shittingly bad films Zombie will not be returning for the next installment. This is a good thing because the guy is a hack who hasn't directed a single decent film since he began the trek to become a new breed of John Carpenter. Zombie is also on to bigger things such as remaking the Blob without a large massive jelly-like..well...uh...blob involved.
With Zombie gone at least we know the next movie won't be any worse than the other two. Lussier's My Bloody Valentine was predictable and not very scary but it was watchable, even enjoyable. Shit, compared to Zombie's Halloween and Halloween II Lussier had given us the original Psycho. Even if this is just another paint-by-numbers horror movie it will at least suck way worse than the others.
I HATE IT: because we're right back where we started after the original two Halloween movies, when producer Mustapha Akkad started churning out Michael Myers movies to cash in on the bad version of a genre he'd created with Halloween. The only difference is this time the first two weren't any good so you can't even go back to those to try and recapture the magic. Lussier will essentially be doing what Zombie said he was trying to undo when he first signed up to do Halloween the remake.
I LOVE IT: because the first sin against Halloween was the original Halloween III. Some people give this movie "cult status" but they can suck my ass it smells, that movie blew huge chunks. What was worse is that it was done by John Carpenter who had already had enough with Michael Myers. Anybody of the age will remember sitting in the theater waiting for Michael to jump out and being WICKED pissed when all you got was some stupid commercial about Silver Shamrock Masks and snakes crawling out of kid's mouths.
Even if the new Halloween III is bad at least it'll be bad about Michael Myers and not about a crazy old man whose master plan is to end the world via demonized Halloween masks. Wow, talk about your assed out ideas.
I HATE IT: because it's another nail in the coffin of a great movie. I've heard so many kids who don't even know Halloween was a remake or think the remake is better because the old one was "boring and not violent enough" that I get depressed over it. Then I get depressed that I care so much and it spirals terribly out of control. Halloween was a wonderful movie built on suspense and a great story, everything else has just been marketing and cinematic diarrhea.
So that's my eternal struggle, eesh I need medication.