ASK PHIL ANSELMO #1

This here is a question and answer section where Pantera/Superjoint Ritual/Down/ front man answers questions from CSITCH fans in his own unique way.

(The following questions comes from St. Paul, MN.

Q: Dear, Phil,

I am a divorced mother of two who often has trouble keeping men interested. Sometimes it's my kids and sometimes I just feel too old to keep their interest. Any ideas how to solve this problem?

Thanks,
Lost In St. Paul


A: Dear devoted Pantera fan,

Let me thank you for asking me....Phil Anselmo from Paaanteraaa.....about my life and what's going on with me. It's all music of course man, that's the life blood, that's why I am who I am brother. See I spend most of my time not trying to get the glory like so many others out there because Phil Anselmo from Paaanteraaaa knows his place in musical history.

Let me explain brother what I mean. Way back even before I was Phil Anselmo from Paaanteraaa I was playing music just to keep my head straight y'know. I lived in a small shack in the south and one day I was writing a song that would of course make me a heavy metal God down the road. I looked out across the way and saw a young black man with a guitar walking towards my house. Welll, he stopped at the crossroads and began trying to play his guitar. He wasn't nearly good enough to have been in a band with me, Phil Anselmo from Paaanteraaa, but the thing you need to understand about being me is that I always want to see people guided to the right way....the Phil way.

Suddenly across from this boy came the Devil. Now I knew the Devil well because I had danced with him so many times. Not because I wanted to but because Satan wanted the chance to try and beat me, Phil Anselmo from Paaanteraaa. Being the most gifted musician in all of heavy metal Satan had no chance but he kept on trying to beat me.

I walked up and said to the devil he needed to leave this young man alone, he was under my protection. Satan got mad and said one day he'd beat me and I laughed...

ha. ha. ha.

I took that young man into my shack and started playing him riffs I would later use to invent heavy metal and then become the greatest living legend in it. After a few hours he was pretty good, not as good as me but who can expect that kind of greatness anywhere else? I sent him out into the world but before I did he said he wanted to give me something and I said no need. If I've helped a brother in rock then I'm OK with that and lots of heroin. He kept on so I let him give me something he'd been saving for the Devil.

That young man was Robert Johnson. Now you know, he didn't sell his soul to the Devil but to me, Phil Anselmo from Paaaanteraaaa. I never told anybody because that's just the kind of stand up guy I am.

Best of fucking luck brother
Phil


(If Phil reads this and get mad please tell him to lighten up and get a sense of humor)