Monday, August 23, 2010

You Know What's Great About All The New X-Men First Class News----NOTHING!!

Recently Bryan Singer called name dropping douche bag sellout bitch film guy Harry Knowles to chat all about the super neato groovy bullshit that's going to make X-Men: The First Class good even though it doesn't have shit to do with the actual first class of the X-Men. First we learned that Kevin Bacon will play Sebastian Show the leader of the Hellfire Club. We also learned this is a Silver Age movie and that the costumes will be more comic bookish. Yep those little tidbits mean that even though Jean Grey, Cyclops, and Iceman won't be in the movie it'll be an asshole puckered good time.

Let me add a wrinkle.

Having listened to this whole run down of nifty idea I have to say FUCK YOU that I'm a little confused as to why this means anything. First off who cares who Kevin Bacon plays, secondly Sebastian Shaw and The Hellfire Club first appeared in 1980. Exactly how the FUCK does that have anything to do with the Silver Age at all? With a non Silver Age villain and X-Men who weren't confined just to Silver Age how exactly is this a silver age movie again?

Oh right, I forgot, the costumes will be nifty and more comic bookish. Well sew my cock and sprinkle my ass with butter I'm sold. A total lack of understanding of the characters, involvement in a Silver Age movie by mostly non-Silver Age heroes and being directed by the hack bitch who gave us Kick Ass---that can all be undone by cool ass costumes. Case closed, this one is gonna ROCK!!!

As for Bryan Singer being involved I understand completely that I am in the minority here. I felt the first X-Men was boring as shit and the second one was okay at best. I realize I'm one of the few people on planet Earth that doesn't grab the KY and start jerking when those movies are mentioned but I'm not so having Bryan Singer involved doesn't mean anything. Plus he's not directing, he's producing, which doesn't mean much.

If they wanted to have a Silver Age X-Men movie then why not have it with the Silver Age X-Men and their villains and so on. Why go this ridiculous route of cramming this full of shit to market and then try to sell it as a Silver Age movie. Much like the Spider-Man reboot, Thor, Captain America and the upcoming Avengers, this is a movie be design, something built by bean counters, a marketing team and the Research And Development people. It's another in a long line of superhero movies done by committee.

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