Tuesday, June 30, 2009

FUCK NUTS BOLLYWOOD MUSICAL HE-MAN. I SHIT YOU NOT

As Hollywood continues to try and figure out how they will mouth-rape another of section of my childhood when they bring Masters Of The Universe back to the live action arena, might I add this little wrinkle. This pants shittingly insane musical He-Man number from Bollywood, which boasts some amazingly creative turns for He-Man and the crew. From the Skeletor statue that glows with disco lights, to the thinner Bollywood Ron Jeremy who lazily smokes and drinks wine while watching this nightmare. They won't have the 70s dressed funk band that appears halfway through nor this thing of going in and out of the whole debacle being performed as dinner theater. As you watch this (and watch until the end trust me) I'm going to find a hungry midget who'll dress as Orko for me and dance for baloney sandwiches.

It's clear that's what I need to do.


PUNY HUMAN: 10 YEARS LATER


A LONG TIME AGO, IN A GALAXY ACTUALLY NOT TOO FAR AWAY.

The other day my fiancée made a comment that she’d never heard me play drums. Sure she’d bore witness to me tearing it up air drumming but she had yet to actually hear me play. The chances of me being in another band were slim so that left the two Puny Human albums I played on which brought up some weird feelings. I hadn’t listened to either of those records since2004 when I was ousted out of the very band I started. Deciding it was time I heard those albums again I played them both for Sara, really listening to them for the first time in a long while.

It’s interesting what happens when you go back and listen to albums without the emotional baggage usually attached in the times they were recorded. I really enjoyed listening to Puny Human’s first album “Revenge Is Easy”. It was exactly the monster groove machine I wanted it to be. It was simple, solid and really good. Even the artwork was simple but insanely cool. Sara and I rocked out to all the tunes with me explaining the stories behind titles like “Stink Of Two Men” and “Raze The Leghorn Bar”.

It was with the second album that I began to really understand how Puny Human had fallen apart and how we as friends had ended up here. “It’s Not The Heat It’s The Humanity” is an overblown album that really exemplifies the inner turmoil the band was in without even knowing it. When we first got together it was just for fun, nobody knew or cared what would happen next and from that came some great tunes. With our second record it became obvious that everybody was working for different goals and the music suffered for it.

Josh and Jason Diamond (guitar and bass respectively) started wanting Puny Human to be more prog-rock oriented or at least way more complex than our singer (Jim starace) or myself did. I wanted to make badass rock n roll in the vein of MC5, Kiss, AC/DC and that ilk. The Diamond Brothers were entirely more vested in making us Tool or Yes or ELP or at least bringing seriously complicated elements into a band that hadn’t been started with that in mind. A friend of mine said it always seemed like they couldn’t be happy with the band even though people really dug us and I guess I’d have to agree with that.

Everything about the second Puny Human album was too much, especially for whom we were. Instead of recording it with just an engineer we flew in J Yueneger from White Zombie to produce the album. J Yuenger is an awesome human being and an incredible producer but we didn’t need him, we weren’t nearly big enough to bring in somebody of his caliber but we did. The album itself was filled with over-dubs, punch ins, pro-tool this and that and the bad ass rock band we were got lost in the fray. Instead of too many cooks spoiling the soup it became too many ingredients.

The other thing that became apparent though I fought to suppress this idea at the time was that The Diamond Brothers were no longer happy with me being in the band. I’m a meat and potatoes drummer, I groove, my time is excellent and I can do some tasty stuff but that’s about it. You stick me in a rock band or punk band and I kick ass, anything more than that and I’m lost. I never pretended to be anything but that and when Puny Human started that was fine. By our second album it was clear that to at least ½ the band I was a hindrance.

I think that was the primary issue that eventually led to what happened to the band. I wasn’t good enough to be in the Puny Human that The Diamond Brothers wanted because I’d never wanted Puny Human to be that. I suggested way back that we form a band because I had such admiration for how the two of them played, their skill. I still have that admiration I just think it’s too bad that they couldn’t be happy with Puny Human the way it was.

From there being in the band just stopped being fun. I always felt as though I was being compared to other drummers or that I wasn’t part of the “real musicians club”. I remember being out on tour with Fireball Ministry and their then bassist said after a show “Hey you made most of your fills this time.” When she said it to me I was really hurt but as I look back she was right.

We didn’t play much off of our first album and we didn’t really play the straight rockers off our second. Instead I was playing live with two people who hated so much my lack of flash that they tried to make up for it by flashing it up themselves. When the bass and guitars over play but the drummer doesn’t it just sounds, I don’t know, weird.

When I left for Boston it was the perfect thing for The Diamond Brothers. I would be gone, they could get a new drummer that they wanted and Puny Human would become the band they had always wanted. Part of the rub in that idea was me. I was too blinded by the actual brotherly love I felt for those two to see that my leaving was something they had wanted forever. Not seeing that I fought to stay in a band that didn’t want me.

If I had been less of the rage-driven person I was back then I would’ve forced a conversation and then maybe started a band in Boston. If the Diamond Brothers had been less bury-your-head-in-the-sand-and-hope-it-goes-away they might have leveled with me and maybe something could’ve been worked out. I could have recorded one song on the new album and then left the rest to the new guy. Oh and just so it’s understood the new drummer in Puny Human is awesome, a monster of a player and from what I remember a great guy.

Not understanding what was happening I think I focused too much on this all-for-one-one-for-all ideal that I thought we’d established long ago. A few years before all of this happened our singer Jim developed a medical condition and we thought he would have to leave the band. It wasn’t serious but it could’ve stopped him from signing. As a band we decided then and there that if any one of us left the band Puny Human would be over. After all it was a testimony to our friendship and without the four us it wouldn’t be Puny Human.

By the time I left the desire for my basic drumming style to vacate was so strong those words of all for one and one for all kind of fell by the wayside. The Diamond Brothers wanted me out and that was all there was to it. I think they expected to replace me, have me get really upset about it and then get over it. When I didn’t they had to save face so they began telling people they had always told me I was being replaced which simply wasn’t true. Once painted as the bad guy my horrible temper helped solidify the story.

When I was ousted I was a different person than I am now and going through a really black period in my life. Every time anybody said anything I didn’t want to hear I took it as some betrayal of my trust and flipped out. I burned a lot of bridges and made it easier for The Diamond Brothers to paint me as a reactionary nutbag who was simply throwing a year long temper tantrum. Years later when I told people I had extended several olive branches to the Diamond Brothers to try and work things out only to have them either ignored or slapped down they had no idea. Why include that in the story when all the Diamond Brothers had to do was wait for me to freak out again and say “See, see how he is”.

Looking back without anger or resentment the clues to what was really going on were always there. The Diamond Brothers never wanted me in Puny Human, I wasn’t good enough for their prog dreams and so I stopped being a friend and became a problem.
I used to wonder why, after telling me they had no plan to replace me, that our singer would do the interview with Varla where he said point blank that Puny Human had replaced me almost as soon as I left. I always saw that as a big middle finger to me. It wasn’t that, it was more that the Twins were singing from the rooftops that they found a sautéed fish with a nice lemon sauce and grilled Aspargus tips drummer to replace the steak and fries drummer they had

Further proof of that lays in the fact that their new drummer completely re-wrote the drum lines to the songs I did play on. That’s not usually how a new member works but to the Diamond Brothers it was sweet relief from listening to me play in the groove instead of being all flash swirly whirly.

For the longest time I totally disavowed my part in Puny Human because I was still angry with what I thought was a total betrayal of a friendship. This many years later I realize it wasn’t a betrayal but simply infant-like selfishness, which is incredibly hard to control. So many people have come up to me and said that while Puny Human is still good it isn’t Puny Human anymore so why still call it that. I couldn’t say I’m not in the band anymore. I do know that I’m now proud of the work I did on those albums and I also see it as a great learning experience.

If I had been less angry, less bitter and less hate filled I might have seen what was really going on and been able to do something about it so the whole breakdown didn’t become so messy. I still don’t know if the Diamond Brothers and I would have stayed friends because we just think too differently. To look at a good friend and say “He isn’t good enough to play with us” goes against what I think a band is about.

If I could have seen that without ego or anger getting in the way I might have stepped down or at least straight up asked if they wanted Puny Human to go in a direction I couldn’t be part of. They lied; I lived in anger bitter denial and exploded all the time in rage. When those forces are working together nothing positive can come of it and nothing did.

I’m glad these veils have lifted because I really enjoy listening to Revenge Is Easy and sharing stories of the good times I had in the band. As for The Diamond Brothers and I, who knows, life is a funny thing. My life is here with Sara, my job with kids, my comic book company, my friends and my upcoming marriage. Their lives are in New York with their kids, wives and even side projects outside of Puny Human. Our paths have crossed a few times but it’s always been stand across the street or room from each other and ignore the others existence. I never thought I’d stop hating them but five years later I don’t have any ill will towards them at all so who know what will happen in the next five years.

Regardless I can rock out to my band again and for that I’m eternally grateful.

Monday, June 29, 2009

BLACK FLAGGIN' IT AKA WRITING FOR MYSELF

ORIGINALLY WRITTEN IN 2008

Over the recent weeks people have been asking me how I deal with some of the ignorant and insipid things people either write or say about me. To be honest I had never given it too much thought because people have been gunning for me in one way or another since my days with the Evil Empire. For the most part I just let it go in one ear and out the other or the person commenting is so far beneath my radar I don’t even know about them.

When I first starting writing for actual publications I instantly rubbed people the wrong way mainly because I don’t deal with politics in the music scene and, always having been unpopular, the whole popularity contest is not my bag either. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not swinging my dick here I mainly act that way because I have no other mechanism for writing. I aspire to the Black Flag ideal, which is to do it for you. That’s why I write, for me and that’s it.

In my estimation everybody and anybody who has made any kind of difference or tried to get across their true feelings has done so simply out of a need to do it and a thirst for truth that can’t be quenched. I write because when something touches me, good or bad, I have to bleed it out into my writing or it consumes me. I don’t write for the approval of the scene, to be liked or to be held up as some hero of the metal cause. I do it because there is so much dishonesty in music today, so much dick sucking in magazines and so much blatant do-for-me-I-do-for-you that it’s hard to really believe anybody.

You may not like my writing or me but you can’t say it’s not honest and people have to respect it, which they also hate. No matter what they write or say my accomplishments are my own and no words can take them away. In fact I find the more volatile people become over me or what I say the more I smile because I know they’re reading it, even if they don’t want to.

We all do what we do in the arts because there is no other choice but to do it, at least that’s why we should be pursuing it. After the Evil Empire I continued to write, for myself, for other publications, I even started a dreaded blog just to always be writing about something, anything. You can feel that with bands can’t you? When a band is doing it because they have to, something in that desperation creates beautiful art even if the music is ugly as all hell.

When bands try to figure out what will sell they usually end up sucking, even if they don’t sound like everybody else. I find a lot of people tend to think that only bands that sound similar are around just to cash in but I’ve heard plenty of experimental and underground bands who are just as wired towards pretension and mediocrity as some easily targeted Nu-Metal band. I also love debate, that’s part of the excitement of having an opinion is hearing how others will differ but I only enjoy it when it isn’t ignorant.

I love when people write things that differ from what I’m saying just as much as people who agree with me. The only time I disregard a post or an opinion is when it’s just there to be insulting. I find it funny because no matter how well thought out, how mean spirited or how sardonic they try to be it all comes out as “Iann Is A Doody Head”. In other words it all blends into childish ranting. I also don’t get upset with cowardice and that’s usually what I’m dealing with.

People who really want to disagree at the very least make a full attempt to confront me. Either that or they email me with an actual email address, something that divulges at least a glimpse of who they are. The rest hide behind the anonymity of the Internet to vent their frustrations. Two things are clear about those people: 1. They will never say it to your face and 2. They hate themselves because they don’t really contribute anything.

Everybody who puts themselves out there knows what I am talking about. Bands, writers, artists, everybody. You can’t make everybody happy, and without fail if you’re honest you will rub an entire sect of human beings the wrong way. The difference is that you’re out there, people know who you are, can pick you out on the street, you’re really doing it. This is where the rubber hits the road and you have to decide if you want to stick your head above the crowd or blend in with them. My only request is that if you blend then blend and if you want to stand up then really stand up, don’t go the easy route.

Don’t blend in with the crowd and hide within it and throw stones. That doesn’t do anything it doesn’t to move us along any real route. I have even gone so far as to delete strictly hate filled posts because to me it’s intellectual spam, nothing more. The only difference between some person who fires off insults in an email and an email ad for a pill that makes your dick bigger is that the ad is usually better written and contains proper grammar.

I guess I’m writing this for all the people who asked me how I put up with it, or why I do or why I don’t quit. I can’t quit, I couldn’t stop writing if I wanted to, it is as much a compulsion of mine as record collecting or comics or anything else that is the life’s blood. The music industry is fraught with genuine peril; sick malicious dogs that cater to bean counters and try to make music mean nothing so you’ll consume it without question. I just want to say, “Wait a minute, that’s bullshit” as often as I can. It’s what we all are working for, some kind of purity and honesty in a music world that has been drained of its soul largely by those who claim to love it. Without bands, writers, bloggers and other people fighting for that ideal then music will become what Lester Bangs always feared. An Industry Of Cool.

Thursday, June 25, 2009

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

SMALLVILLE GETS A ZOD WHILE COURTNEY LOVE WASTES AWAY

I try not to spend too much time on the ins and outs of celebrity life but these two photos caught my eye for specific reasons. The first is that Smallville, a show I used to love but has long since jumped the shark, has discovered their new General Zod for next season:



This guy's name is Callum Blue and he's pretty much an unknown which is fine. I'm hoping that this is some "kid" on the show who gets possessed by Zod the way Lex Luthor did in season 4 or 5 (not sure which) because if this is the actual embodiment of Zod it'll bum me out for two reasons. One is that Zod is supposed to have been a trusted friend of Clark's father Jor-El and this kid looks like he's 18, plus when Zod's Spirit was removed by Clark from Lex he looked a lot more like Terence Stamp's Zod from Superman II. If this is to be the final season of Smallville (fingers crossed) I hope they don't blow it.

The second photo is just funny because it's Courtney Love. Dig it:



Yep that's the high priestess of alternative bitch wasting away to nothing. There are several reasons I find this funny. The first is that I still believed she either had Kurt Cobain killed or drove him to suicide by fucking with his medication. Secondly I said out loud once that I didn't like her band Hole and she tried to get me fired from MTV. Thirdly she started her career singing all these songs about hating the girls who tried to be perfect on the outside and being an outsider blah blah blah. Then she spent most of her life and Cobain's money getting plastic surgery and trying to become part of the Hollywood scene she claimed to have hated.

Let the bitch die I say.

Tuesday, June 23, 2009

THE LAST AIRBENDER TRAILER AND A BREAK DOWN OF M.NIGHT SHAMALAMADINGDONG'S CAREER




So next summer M. Night Shamalamadingdong is going to try and bring one of the best animated series ever to the big screen live action style. Above is a photo of Ang the hero from the series, you can compare him with the kid in the trailer. Truth be told the trailer looks pretty good but there's not enough of the actual film to really get any idea on it.

My fear stems from my long loathing of M.Night Shamalamadingdong. In my opinion he's almost the Quentin Tarantino it's OK to like. It's the same style-over-substance directing and writing style, the same incredible ego and the same so-so results. Let's break down M.Night Shamalamadingdong's career

SIXTH SENSE: This movie had more holes in it than Swiss Cheese, holes you could drive giant trucks through. First off if you couldn't call that Bruce Willis was dead from the stumbled way the film was blocked then you need to pay more attention. Secondly, the kid is terrified of all dead people except Willis? He never tells Willis he's dead? Willis never even glimpses the idea he's dead and the "The dead only see what they want" line is supposed to cover it. HORSESHIT!!!

UNBREAKABLE: A film I refer to as Unbearable. Not only is it too long and so incredibly boring I actually started weeping for death but it also managed to make me hate a movie based around COMIC BOOKS!! I'm supposed to believe that a guy who has a disease where he can't walk down stars with breaking his bones can orchestrate mudslides in Mexico and train crashes? Again, HORSESHIT!!

SIGNS: Hoo haaa was this steaming pile of corn-filled shits a real pleasure to see end. This one really pissed me off because it was such an interesting idea. Treating an alien invasion more as a terrorist attack through the eyes of one family was really cool. Shamalamadingdong even managed to get some real scares in there. Then he completely shits all over it with the ending. The Aliens can be killed by WATER? WATER!! FUCKING WATER!? This race of beings who can travel throughout the galaxy and land without being detected couldn't figure out that 80% of the planet they were going to invade was deadly to them? Overlords until rainfall? JESUS FUCK!!

THE VILLAGE: People in the modern world buy a plot of land and convince their kids that they are living in the olden times. They stop the kids from traveling outside the forest by dressing up as wolf creatures then they send the blind girl into the new world for medicine. When a cop patrolling the area finds her he just gives her the medicine and doesn't say anything else. We get some crap sum up at the end trying desperately to explain away the gnawing details based in LOGIC that reduce the story to nothing. Um, right, fuck YOU dood!!

THE LADY IN THE WATER: Another absolute and total shitbomb from M. Night. A girl lives in the pool sent to inspire a man whose writing could save the world and M.Night decides he should play the writer? WHAT BALLS!! The ego on this guy is almost palpable, I bet if you stand next to him you can taste it the way you can taste the overdose of perfumes in a department store. This movie made no sense and fell apart halfway through thanks to yet another script filled with holes.

THE HAPPENING: Is the Showgirls of sci-fi movies. Plants get mad and decide to poison us or something. Wow, what a stupid idea for a movie. The best was that the acting was so atrocious, so absolutely awful people began to think this was a joke film or performance art. This is absolutely his worst movie ever.

So that's a break down of Shamalamadingdong's career and here's the Air Bender trailer to boot.

Monday, June 22, 2009

NEW HALLOWEEN II REMAKE TRAILER




So here's the trailer for Rob Zombie's Halloween II re-make (the one he said he'd never make. If this isn't proof this movie is gonna suck ass I don't know what is.



i hate everything

THIS IS UTTERLY DISGUSTING EVEN FOR MICHAEL FUCKING BAY


THIS IS HOW BIG THE COTTON GROWS ON MY PLANTATION

Look I seriously could give two gutter shits about Transformers 2: The Beef Makes Cash For The Hack but after reading this juicy morsel of CUNT from somebody who saw the film I had to say something. Michael Bay's movies have always been stupid, badly acted, horribly written and directed with a real hack's sensibility, now they're fucking racist. Here's the quote

"There are two robots in the film called Mudflap and Skids, and despite being red and green, respectively, they are voiced in a way that clearly designates them to be the "black" robots. Also, Skids has a gold front tooth (no, I'm serious) and both cannot read."

Wow, I mean....WOW. The mind reels. What could Bay and his consortium of evil have been thinking. Did they not see George Lucas get into trouble by making the two greedy bad guys obviously stereotypically Japanese or how the underwater-Jamaican cries of Jar Jar sent reverberations of hate and loathing throughout the world? Based on this racist ideal here are some more Transformers I could see popping out:

JEWBUG: A tiny car that speaks in a thick Jewish accent and wears "glasses" like Woody Allen. He never comes to an adventure because he's too cheap to buy gas.

YELLOW BASTARD: A sleek, super hi-tech car that speaks in Japanese/English circa bad movies of the 1940s. He's a master of Transformers Kung Fu and can fix anything technological. When he transforms into a robot it sounds like the roar of Godzilla

BLACKBERRY: A female black sedan Decepticon who always plays club bangers from her radio and whenever she gets attacked screams "NO YOU DIDN'T"

LEXIHAD: A brown luxury jet that speaks only in Arabic and hates America. When he transforms the black bottom of the jet and the white top look like a turban and a beard giving him a "Osama Bin Laden" look. His arch nemesis are two huge Autobot Trailers called "The Towers". Lexihad is constantly trying to fly into both of them.

These new robots will be in the 3rd Transformers movie, TRANSFORMERS: RISE OF THE SOUTH



FUCK YOU MICHAEL BAY, SERIOUSLY, FUCK YOU.

i hate everything

INTERVIEW WITH GREG PAK




One of the things I'm most excited about for the summer in Comic Books is the return of writer Greg Pak to The Incredible Hulk. Pak's run on Hulk that lasted through World War Hulk was some of the best comic book writing I've encountered in years. Once Jeph Loeb and his gang of hacks took over the Hulk book became one of the worst things ever. With Greg Pak returning to start another Hulk book my excitement is triple fold for what lays ahead for the green skinned Goliath. Newsarama ran an awesome interview with Pak talking about his new Hulk book plus War Machine and a bunch of other stuff. A great read.

GREG PAK INTERVIEW

Wednesday, June 17, 2009

WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT WHAT'S GOING ON IN IRAN?


THIS IS AN IMAGE FROM A SUPPOSED "PRO AHMAINEJAD" RALLY. SEEMS A LITTLE PHOTOSHOPPED HUH?


What's going in Iran right now is obviously despicable and also really telling of the times we live in. For all our bravado on the growth of humanity we can simply look at the fraudulent re-election of Ahmadinejad and then the violent way he is dealing with the detractors to see where we really are. I recently found over at BOING BOING a really great list of not only services to help keep in touch with what's going on during Ahmadinejad's media blackout but also to learn about the Iranian culture. Remember, the problems here as often it is with America are coming from the Government not the people. Let's not turn this fight against oppression into the same us-vs-them attitudes that came after 9/11.

Here's the list:

Twitter:

http://search.twitter.com/search?q=near%3ATehran+within%3A15mi

http://irantwitters.blogspot.com/

http://twitter.com/stopAhmadi

http://twitter.com/iran09

http://twitter.com/persiankiwi

http://twitter.com/mousavi1388

Related: http://youtube.com/mousavi1388 and http://flickr.com/mousavi1388 and http://sites.google.com/site/mousavi1388/

http://blog.twitter.com/2009/06/down-time-rescheduled.html

US State Department told Twitter to change its update time
http://www.reuters.com/article/rbssTechMediaTelecomNews/idUSWBT01137420090616

Main sites:

http://tehranbureau.com

http://www.irantracker.org/

http://garysick.tumblr.com/

http://mag.gooya.com/english/

http://iranian.com/

http://tehranlive.org/

Established Media:

Who’s Fighting Who in Iran’s Struggle? / TIME / By TRITA PARSI / Tuesday, Jun. 16, 2009

Don’t Assume Ahmadinejad Really Lost / TIME /
By Robert Baer / Tuesday, Jun. 16, 2009

http://blog.foreignpolicy.com/posts/2009/06/16/the_latest_from_iran

http://thelede.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/06/16/latest-updates-on-irans-disputed-election/?pagewanted=print

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2009/06/13/iran-demonstrations-viole_n_215189.html

http://www.wired.com/dangerroom/2009/06/activists-launch-hack-attacks-on-tehran-regime/

http://www.cbc.ca/technology/story/2009/06/15/iran-twitter-election-protest.html

http://www.google.com/hostednews/afp/article/ALeqM5gwK_EuNzTIprZY2jflxyVN5G8PYQ

http://www.boston.com/bigpicture/2009/06/irans_disputed_election.html

Other online media:

http://globalvoicesonline.org/2009/06/15/iran-protests-and-repression/

http://reinikainen.co.uk/2009/06/iranelection-cyberwar-guide-for-beginners/

http://www.fivethirtyeight.com/2009/06/iran-does-have-some-fishy-numbers.html

Finally:

http://occident.blogspot.com/2009/06/confirmed-montazeri-questions-election.html

BLACKEST NIGHT PREVIEW (THE LANTERNS LINE UP_

Below is shot from a page in Green Lantern #43 which really kicks off the Black Lantern series. Now from having re-read everything Green Lantern and Green Lantern Corps starting with Sinestro Corp Wars and the rumors I hear swilling about I'm thinking at some point Hal Jordan will put on all the rings Red, Orange, Yellow, Green, Blue, Iindigo and Violet and become the White Lantern. From there I believe he'll defeat the Black Lanterns and also (in a heavy angel-religious theme) lead the dead into a place of resting. Here's the panel;





There are a lot of names on this and we already know that Martian Manhunter, Aquaman and the original Black Panther will be in the brood. If you look to the right you'll see the name Bruce Wayne listed which brings up the ongoing debate. Some say Bruce will return as a Black Lantern and at the end won't be defeated as much as vanish leading to more of Red Robin trying to find him. Other say DC won't bring Bruce back that quickly after all the ground work put out for Batman Reborn.

I have my own theory but I want to wait a bit to unveil it.

HUNTER S THOMPSON HELL'S ANGELS MOVIE...KILL ME


LET'S HOPE THAT GUN IS POINTED AT EXPLOSIVES LINED ALL AROUND HOLLYWOOD


Hunter S Thompson is my favorite writer, hands down. His continued attack on the social injustices of the world ran far deeper than the "wild boy" carictaure that he was made into by...ironically....the press for which he worked. Most people emulate the way Hunter looks or talks or try to deify him in some way. The truth was that the man was loaded with faults and those faults were part of what made him such a brilliant writer and such a part-time douche bag. One of his earliest works was the bizarre, insightful and altogether scary one man insiders look at the Hell's Angels. Motorcycles, drugs, crime, gang rape, and ultimately Hunter's own beat down pepper a book filled with tremendous insight on how this one gang is a microcosim of society.

I guess it was only a matter of time before Hollywood started crawling up Hunter's ass again. So far there has been one good film about the man that wasn't a documentary. Most think it was Johnny Depp's Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas but I felt that was too cartoony, too self important and that Depp's portrayal of Thompson was more the caricature that he'd been stuck with not the man.

The film I'm talking about is Where The Buffalo Roam starring Bill Murray as Thompson. Murray nails the man and the film, while uneven, is a nice slice of life from the writer's legacy. Today Tony Scott has decided to take a crack at the film with writer Steven Gaghan. I'm interested on Gaghan's take on the book since I liked his work in Cyriana and the parts of Traffic that actually worked.

My problem is if Tony Scott directs it. Scott had a run there where he made some decent movies but between Domino and this awful re-make of Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3 I fear he might make a movie filled with bluster and bravado and not pay attention to the novel itself. Most folks want to lionize Hunter S. Thompson instead of understand him. I can completely see why but to me it just cheapens all the man was.

Tuesday, June 16, 2009

INDY...WHY DID IT HAVE TO BE INDY


THE BEEF & THE FORD

So according to the latest Hollywood gossip sites Shia The Beef (not mine but fucking funny as hell) proclaimed that Spielberg has cracked the back of the story for Indiana Jones 5. At first I was hoping that meant he cracked George Lucas's back so that we can finally prove the man responsible for Episode 1-3 and Crystal Skull is actually an evil robot built by Paramount to screw 20th Century Fox. Sadly that wasn't it, apparently Spielberg has a story idea for the next shit-my-pants-and-cry installment of a franchise that ran out of steam after the first one.

Yeah, I said it. Everything post Raiders Of The Lost Ark was a failure. I've said it and I feel better.

Scream, shout, piss and moan all you want but I can prove it. I've sat silently for over twenty years while people lathered themselves in the jizz of the Indiana Jones movies the whole time scratching my head and wondering why. Raiders Of The Lost Ark was an amazing movie, a perfect adventure film from A to Z. It also ended perfectly with Indy getting the girl and facing his life with her in it. We didn't need to know about the other adventures but sadly Stevie and Georgie decided to force it down our throats.

Indiana Jones And The Temple Of Doom was a train wreck of a movie from the very beginning. Not wanting to screw with the Raiders success G&S (George & Steve) decided to make this a prequel. The film itself felt like everybody started one idea then decided it wasn't good so they stopped and started shooting something else. At the end G&S dropped all the film off at an editor's suite and told the guy to make a movie.

If you really watch Temple Of Doom there is no story, it's a constant series of events that just moves Indy from one wacky thing to the other. They needed to intro a new girl which they couldn't do in India so here comes the elaborate and silly Hong Kong intro where Indy takes a fast acting poison and then 20 minutes later when he takes the antidote he's totally fine. I was also curious why not, if it's a sequel, go back and tell of the adventure that cost Indiana Jones his relationship with Marion and how he betrayed her father Abner Ravenwood. I guess that would have been actually interesting which was a big no-no so we're stuck with this.

During the wacky Hong Kong part we meet Short Round the kooky kid with the smart mouth. This was during Spielberg's "Child like wonder" era so he had to inject kids into fucking everything he did. So Indy, his young boy sidekick and the new girl who barely knows them all board a plane together. Now Indy has taken the time to figure this ENTIRE ordeal in Hong Kong will go badly and he'll have to race to an airport. Even though he has that presence of mind he doesn't think to double check that the plane is owned by the guy he is running from.

That was done so we'd have a reason for the pilots to jump out and Indy to crash in India and drift to the town where he meets the villagers and heads to the castle to get the stones blah blah blah. Somewhere during it G&S realized they were making it too kid friendly so from out of nowhere it got extremely violent and gory.

Like I said, not a movie but a series of starts and stops that got edited together.


After Temple Of Doom we got The Last Crusade which was essentially a plot device to dumb down the movies even more. Hey wouldn't it be crazy-nutty-kooky-yah-yah if the king of the old male adventure series James Bond was the dad of the new adventure king Indiana Jones. I can see the high fives and ass slapping at Lucasfilm when G&S came up with this little gem. From there the two basically designed a movie not with a story but around getting Harrison Ford and Sean Connery together. It appears here that after the so-so reaction of the audience towards Temple Of Doom that G&S needed to make sure this was bigger and better than ever.

With that in mind they threw everything in but the kitchen sink. Nazis, betrayal, a hot girl, escapes, stunts, the Holy Grail, a ghost knight, even a life lesson. The worst part was the beginning which was so obviously there because Lucas was simmering the young Indiana Jones idea in his brain. Not only do we get to see young Indy but WOW we get to see in one afternoon exactly how he became Indiana Jones.

Apparently nothing happened over the course of his life but all at once. Why he dressed that way, where he got his hat, why a bullwhip, why he's afraid of snakes, everything in a few hours. Thanks G&S we almost had to think for ourselves for a minute or use....GASP.....our imaginations.

This was also the hokey era of G&S so Last Crusade was full of way too many jokey moments. Indy banters with bad guy, Indy banters with girl, X Marks The Spot to the treasure, getting to the treasure meant going through rats so Indy jokes how his dad hated rats, Indy imitates snooty Scottish guy, wacky slap stick with pop, Indy comes face to face with Hitler who signs an autograph. That and all of the Sean Connery Scottish wit we could handle. The jokes flowed so continuously that you never felt any real peril for the characters mainly because it was all based off of a plot device where James Bond is Indy's dad.

Jump ahead 20 years and we get Indiana Jones And The Crystal Skull. G&S have long since gotten old and rich and have forgotten anything about making movies. Crystal Skull managed to slam everything wrong with the last two into one movie and then add shit. The plot device of Shia The Beef being Indy's son and his name was Mutt? What the fuck? The movie was way too filled with jokes and had zero story but instead felt like a bunch of various ideas slapped together. Hmmm, that seems familiar.

Sure I hated the big stuff like Indy escaping a nuclear blast by hiding in a refrigerator, the helpful monkeys, the go-nowhere psychic Nazi chick storyline, the fact that it was about Aliens, etc. However I also hated the small stuff that proved G&S just don't care anymore. The tossing in of all these "reminders" of the old movies e.g. when Indy is escaping from his enemies and the truck he's driving knocks over a crate it exposes the Ark from the first movie. How G&S just tossed Marion back in for no rhyme or reason mainly to get butts in seats. I also hated how explaining the deaths of both Indy's dad and his old boss Marcus meant showing photos of them that were obviously press stills from the old movies. THAT is just the height of lazy.

Now we have a part 5 in a series of films that should have ended after the first one. I can't imagine what the new story will be but I'm sure it will be a collage of scenes pretending to be a movie for the benefit of the mass media frenzy and marketing tie-in boom. More than likely G&S will dust off the Last Crusade script and re-write it so The Beef can be Indy and Indy can be Sean Connery. Won't that be a fucking awesome good time?

I'm thinking Indiana Jones could fight his worst enemy in the world: The Franchise

Monday, June 15, 2009

AL ROKER LAYS THE SMACK DOWN ON HEIDI AND SPENCER

I've always thought Al Roker was an annoying human being but I may re-think that after this interview with end-of-humanity poster children Heidi and Spencer.

STEVE ROGERS RETURNS IN JULY



I've never been an enormous Captain America fan but outside of the Jack Kirby stuff until the take over by Ed Brubaker. I don't collect it really but I do sneak a read at my comic book shop every time it comes out. It was inevitable that Steve Rogers return as Captain America so the below teaser isn't a surprise. What is a surprise is that it's been 2 1/2 years since Steve Rogers died. Wow, I can't believe that much time has passed. Check out the teaser below.


Friday, June 12, 2009

DECLARING FILMS HISTORICAL LANDMARKS IN CULTURE



So today Tony Scott started yapping his trap about the big Warriors re-boot or re-make or whatever term the Hollywood scum are using now. I understand that the remake train isn't going to stop running because it allows the emotionally, creatively and soul bankrupt world of Hollywood to continue to make a buck without even attempting to try something new. To be honest I could care less about a Predator or Conan remake, or Friday The 13th or My Bloody Valentine etc but there are some movies that remaking them just feels wrong. Things like Halloween, The Warriors, Taking Of Pelham 1 2 3, are not only perfect the way they are but also a testament to a period of time.

With that in mind I want to try and start a movement to get movies declared as Historical Landmarks much the same way buildings are. This would protect certain movies that have been around for over 20 years and also considered important to the cultural movement of film. Once this law was enforced the only way a re-make would be allowed is if every single person involved in the original who was still alive agreed to it. Sure some could be bought off but not all. John Carpenter didn't want a Halloween re-make but he had no choice so he said "Fine Zombie, do what you want". Now his brilliant original film has been ass-raped into this pitiful shallow husk of what it once was.

The same will be said for The Warriors remake. From Tony Scott's own slime drenched mouth comes the fact that the re-boot will be set in LA and feature thousands of gangs on a bridge who go crazy after Cyrus is shot and start pitching each other off the bridge. Oh and it'll be set in the future, let's not forget that. Basing this off of my lengthy involvement in watching films and studying how the vile slugs of Hollywood operate I figure to start they'll change the Warriors names to something like this:


SWAN: TECH ONE
REMBRANDT: GEEKDOG
COCHISE: STORM
VERMIN: PIMP
CLEON: LEADER
SNOW: ANGEL
AJAX: SWORD
COWBOY: DOUBLE BARREL
FOX: HOUND DOG

Plus the fucking thing will be set in LA? Um, it would take them 3 days to get back to their turf on foot in that town so now we'll have way more cars involved which sucks. I'm sure the Baseball Furies will be the Red Blood Killers or some such other name and it'll be a massive gun fight instead of a fistfight. It just gets worse and worse in my mind.

The Warriors worked because it was gritty and dark, once you pump a huge budget into it and add all this futuristic bullshit it isn't The Warriors anymore which means they'll only use the name to get people to go see a movie they know sucks. That's why we need this historical protection idea. To keep vile warthogs of satan from corrupting perfect movies. If we don't know then look for the Jaws, Citizen Kane, Star Wars and so on remakes down the road.

Who's with me?

JOSEPH E. STIGLITZ CALLS AMERICAN ON ITS BULLSHIT


PICK UP THE GUN LESSER COUNTRIES, PICK UP THE GUN!!


I'm guessing by now we all can agree that America is the Jock Bully in the World School who keeps shoving kids in lockers, beating up those weaker than him, date raping and saying "she wanted it" and other such awful crimes against humanity. Then he'll give away bag lunches to poor kids and start talking about what a humanitarian he is and how war is "like awful". The reaction of America to their economic crisis versus how we've treated others during financial downturns is being called out. Dig it:

Nobel-prize-winning economist Joseph E. Stiglitz contrasts the American response to its economic crisis with the measures it shoved down the throats of poor countries during their crises, and discusses why rich-world double-standards ("Buy American/European" provisions in bailouts that only discriminate against poor countries) contribute to a global disillusionment in the values that the rich world nominally espouses: democracy, transparency, and so on.

Among critics of American-style capitalism in the Third World, the way that America has responded to the current economic crisis has been the last straw. During the East Asia crisis, just a decade ago, America and the I.M.F. demanded that the affected countries cut their deficits by cutting back expenditures--even if, as in Thailand, this contributed to a resurgence of the aids epidemic, or even if, as in Indonesia, this meant curtailing food subsidies for the starving. America and the I.M.F. forced countries to raise interest rates, in some cases to more than 50 percent. They lectured Indonesia about being tough on its banks--and demanded that the government not bail them out. What a terrible precedent this would set, they said, and what a terrible intervention in the Swiss-clock mechanisms of the free market.

The contrast between the handling of the East Asia crisis and the American crisis is stark and has not gone unnoticed. To pull America out of the hole, we are now witnessing massive increases in spending and massive deficits, even as interest rates have been brought down to zero. Banks are being bailed out right and left. Some of the same officials in Washington who dealt with the East Asia crisis are now managing the response to the American crisis. Why, people in the Third World ask, is the United States administering different medicine to itself?

Many in the developing world still smart from the hectoring they received for so many years: they should adopt American institutions, follow our policies, engage in deregulation, open up their markets to American banks so they could learn "good" banking practices, and (not coincidentally) sell their firms and banks to Americans, especially at fire-sale prices during crises. Yes, Washington said, it will be painful, but in the end you will be better for it. America sent its Treasury secretaries (from both parties) around the planet to spread the word. In the eyes of many throughout the developing world, the revolving door, which allows American financial leaders to move seamlessly from Wall Street to Washington and back to Wall Street, gave them even more credibility; these men seemed to combine the power of money and the power of politics. American financial leaders were correct in believing that what was good for America or the world was good for financial markets, but they were incorrect in thinking the converse, that what was good for Wall Street was good for America and the world.

KRISTEN STEWART AS JOAN JETT



So I rarely deal in the world of celebrity crushes. Usually the woman that are attractive are such vapid losers that I'd rather staples their eyes shut with staples made from the bones of their parents. Better yet maybe pull a Viggo Mortensen from Prophecy and lay them out filling their mouths with their mother's feces. I don't mean to sound horrible and mean but I am so that's how it comes out.

Then there's Kristen Stewart who gives me that celebrity crush vibe and I don't know why. Sure she's really pretty but so what, lots of women are really pretty. I hated the Twilight movie and no amount of her riding Werewolves and Vampires will get me back to see the sequel but still the vibe persisted. Then this picture surfaced and it all became clear:






This is Stewart as Joan Jett, a girl I've been crushing on since I was like 15. Stewart is playing Jett during her time in the Runaways which is of course when Jett was at her blazing hottest. Looking on this picture I realized I dig Stewart because she makes me nostalgic for me twenties when I would be drawn to any dark haired girl who seemed to have serious emotional problems. I doubt I'll see the Joan Jett movie simply because I don't care about Biopics, though I was interested to see Elijah Wood try and pull off Iggy Pop. That kind of pants-shitting hilarity is worth the price of admission.

Wednesday, June 10, 2009

BONO AND THE EDGE TALK SPIDER-MAN CONTINUE TO HOLD PRETENTIOUS DOUCHE BAG HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP



These kinds of things make me smile because it gives me plenty of ammunition to fend off my friends and relatives who tell me I'm too negative. If watching these two douche bags wax philosophical about the add-to-my-list-of-reasons-to-die Spider-Man musical doesn't prove we are one step closer to the end of civilization I don't know what does. Watch as these too gaseous assbags compare Spider-Man to rock n roll and U2 and prove not only that their band is the musical equivalent of the Emperor's New Clothes but also that they can ruin anything they're a part of just by talking about it. I was vomiting like a teenage model after a salad by the time this was done.




i hate everything

THE OBAMA DECEPTION - A SKEPTICS REVIEW



When I first saw this I figured I would watch it simply and only to laugh at the Republican Rednecks who made it. Knowing little about the actual movie I figured it would just be a huge Obama slap fest that would fuel my bitterness towards conservatives across the country. Then I watched it and what I found was a film with a scary message and a revulsion for everything having to do with politics. This wasn't about Obama sucks this was about QUICK TURN AROUND, YOUR GOVERNMENT IS ASS FUCKING YOU!!

To lay some things at rest let me first explain what the "Obama Deception" is, according to the movie. Basically is means that the Corporate Financiers who have been running the world for the last forty years needed a face lift, the bitterness towards Dubya had forced them to enlist somebody to make the world buy into "Hope" so that the status quo would be maintained. They found Obama who is now the biggest puppet on the strings of the Military Industrial Complex.

Secondly there are people in this movie who you wouldn't expect to see in anything that just out and out bashed Obama. KRS One and Professor Griff (Public Enemy) are two such guests who actively say "We don't buy the Obama lie." That kind of got my attention as did the fact that these filmmakers have made two past documentaries both slamming the Bush Administration.

From there The Obama Deception does a wonderful job of stringing together various promises Obama has gone back on and underhanded situations he has been involved with. For instance Obama ran on the platform that if elected he'd have our troops out of Iraq immediately. That has now turned to "We'll see how it goes over the next 2 years". Obama was also part of a bait and switch on the media when he met with Hilary Clinton and the two have yet to inform the world where it was they went after Hilary admitted defeat to Obama.

The film also discusses how Obama's cabinet is filled with corporate Lobbyists as well as intricately describing how these Corporate Demi-Gods orchestrated the financial collapse. According to the filmmakers this diversion was set up to instill enough fear that nobody would question this New World Order the Government is trying to sneak past us including a Global Police Force, a Tax System that would enslave the working class and other such Future World Terror scenes. They even show how Global Warming is a lie set up to get everybody to switch over to these new clean energies which are owned and taxed by the Military Industrial Complex.

The Obama Deception really does a great job of stating facts, giving examples and showing how this new era of hope is just a fallacy and that we're now in worse dire straits than we've ever been in. Unless we feed the corporates to the children we're doomed for an Orwellian existence of oppression and so forth and so on. I enjoyed Jessie Ventura and Willie Nelson comparing Politics to Professional Wrestling in that neither Republicans nor Democrats really hate each other, it's all for show so the American people can't focus on the real problems.

I also enjoyed KRS One comparing the President to the Manager at Burger King. His idea was if you don't like your meal you go complain to the cashier. The cashier in this story represents the Court System. If they can't help you can complain all the way up to the President Of The United States who is like the Manager of the whole store. However if that doesn't help you're screwed because no matter how bad it is you will never, ever meet the franchise Owner i.e. you'll never see who really controls the President.

Outside of some interesting facts and figures I have the same problems with this movie that I do with Michael Moore films in that it all feels like propaganda to me. A buddy of mine who saw it and loves politics says that while the examples given are true the filmmakers do bend facts and rearrange the time line to fit what they need to say. Michael Moore did that all through Fahrenheit 9/11 and from being around filmmakers for most of my life I know it's common practice.

I urge people to see The Obama Deception for the same reason I urge people to see Michael Moore films or any movie about what's going on in the world today because all of them have nuggets of truth. From people I agree with to people I don't everybody has some truth to what they are saying and only by hearing everybody out can we ever hope to assemble what is really going on.

I personally don't hold much hope for humanity because on a base level we cannot cooperate with each other, period. I'm no better though I fight every day to try and reverse that type of thinking. We are creatures of greed and hatred, lies and deception. In the natural order of things we are a parasitic virus that has long overstayed its welcome. However, like everything else, some of what I say is true and some is simply my own rhetoric designed to make me feel better in a cold world that seems to not care about me personally.

See The Obama Deception and take from it what you can, just don't accept it as Gospel.

For more on the film check out THE OBAMA DECEPTION WEBSITE

Tuesday, June 9, 2009

HERE'S WHAT I THINK THE LIVE ACTION JETSONS MOVIE WILL BE


MEET GEORGE JETSON - THIEF, MURDERER, DRUG ADDICT, REVENGE SEEKING SEX ADDICT


I'd love to pick Quentin Tarantino up by the ankles and use him to beat Rodriguez to death with. What a shitstorm this movie is gonna be. If Rodriguez stays true to form here's what we'll get:

Jet Screamer will have raped Judy Jetson leaving her in a coma. George who has been divorced from Jane for years for cheating on her multiple-times will finally reveal to his family his years of being Special Forces under the orders of Mr. Spacely. George will mend fences with his estranged rebellious cop-son Elroy to go find Jet Screamer and make him pay. Along the way George will start having an affair with a sex-slave robot named Rosey and pick up some help with their mission in the form of Astro a half-dog/half-human mutant mercenary-for-hire. It'll turn out that Jet Screamer was working for Cozmo of the Cogs Mafia Family and it'll turn into a war. When his son takes the kill shot that eliminates Jet Screamer George will say in a deadpan Bruce Willis style: "That's my boy, Elroy"

I hate everything

MY TOP COMICS COMING OUT WEDNESDAY 6/10

There's a lot going on this summer in the world of comics so I figured I'd do a weekly heads up of the titles I think everybody should be checking out.





RED ROBIN #1

a new Batman watches over Gotham City. But not everyone is ready to give up on the old one. Someone believes that Bruce Wayne may still be alive…and that someone is Red Robin. But who is wearing the Red Robin costume, and why is he traveling the globe looking for a dead man? Whoever he is, he's not alone in his search!





BATMAN #687

This 40-page issue explores the final moments of the Battle for the Cowl as the new Batman learns that winning the Cowl comes at a high price! Witness the new Batman taking to the streets of Gotham City for the first time! Putting a new man inside the Bat-suit was the easy part – now the fun begins! Guest-starring Superman and Wonder Woman





FLASH: REBIRTH #3

At last, the answer to the question that's plagued DC fans for decades: Who's faster, Superman or The Flash? Call your bookie and bet the farm, because you've never seen a run like this – and if speedsters keep dying at the pace they're going, you might never see another one again!





BETA RAY BILL: GOD HUNTER

Galactus! He's devoured worlds since the dawn of the universe. Consuming the Korbinites' home was nothing special. But for Beta Ray Bill – oathbrother to Thor and the Korbinites' defender – it was a failure of his life's duty...and has given him a certain clarity. How can a hero suffer such a threat to his existence? Beta Ray Bill sets forth to hunt down Galactus, force him to his knees and make him pay – with a plan so audacious even the Planet Eater will feel fear...

PREVIEW FOR BATMAN: STREETS OF GOTHAM #1


If the recent Batman & Robin title by Grant Morrison and Frank Quitely is any clue then the whole new era of Batman is going to kick a lot of ass. One of the new titles being offered up by DC is Batman: Streets Of Gotham. I think this is to help give fans more Dick Grayson action because Detective Comics will be largely devoted to Batwoman at least for the foreseeable future. DC has been kind enough to give us a preview of Batman: Streets Of Gotham #1. So check it out.

BATMAN: STREETS OF GOTHAM PREVIEW

Monday, June 8, 2009

THE END OF MTV? YEAH, DON'T WE ALL WISH



While I do think this is funny it also saddens me because this is what MTV is really like. I was there, I was in these pitch meetings and board meetings, this is really how these people operate. So enjoy the video and send all the negative vibes to MTV you can.


CURRENT TV REPORTERS GET 12 YEARS IN NORTH KOREA



So the story came down today that Laura Ling and Euna Lee, reporters for Al Gore's TV station Current TV, were given 12 years hard labor for crossing the China-North Korean boarder. As is expected the families and our political figure heads are up in arms about this, screaming and pointing out how unfair it all is. Granted this is unfair and clearly some kind of temper tantrum by North Korea to show how bad ass they are to the rest of us. It's a political wet dream to be able to make an example of two people usually caught in the crossfire of a Government Pissing Contest.

I like to give people the benefit of the doubt so I choose to believe that the two reporters were just trying to complete their story on defectors living along the China-North Korean boarder. This really is unfair to the two of them if they made an honest mistake crossing into the North Korea boarder and I hope that political pressure gets them out before too long.

My issue here is with Americans jumping up and down about how unfair this all is. Wow, talk about hypocritical, this takes the cake. If two people from a country we had no real relationship with were caught illegally crossing into our country the cry for their heads would be swift and incredibly loud. They may beg and plead and express how it was an accident that they were trying to do a story on Mexicans or Canadians and didn't mean to cross into American territory but I'd bet 90% of the American people wouldn't care.

Not to mention our Government detains people all the time just for "looking" the terrorist part. During the Bush administration he waived the idea of Habeas Corpus which meant a prisoner could now be held indefinitely without legal council and without knowing why they were being held. Let's also not forget the whole Water Boarding of folks we assumed were terrorists. When that kind of shit goes down we want instant blood and do it hiding behind "national security".

I'm in no way saying these two reporters deserved what they got because clearly it's way too harsh. What I'm saying is that we as Americans need to relax on waving our fists at countries who do this and pretend we don't do the exact same thing. It goes back to my idea that America either needs to put up or come clean.

We yell and wave our flags about the horrible things other countries do but when caught doing awful things ourselves we tend to hide behind the idea that it had to be done to protect American lives. We can't have it both ways and trying to has led to us being reviled around the world.

If we are going to say we are the shining beacon of truth and liberty then we have to stick to those guns. We don't detain people illegally, no racial profiling, no torturing, no shifty legal practices, no illegal wire taps etc and so on. If that means we have to deal with more attacks on American soil in order to keep up with our higher ideals then that's what we deal with. Taking the high road is never easy but if you commit to it you have to see it through or you're seen as liars. Especially when you have tendency to claim the high road but then take short cuts with human rights and civil liberties the way our political leaders tend to.

If we don't want to take the high road and we want to use any means necessary to protect our country then we need to cop to that and stop pretending we're something we're not. Let everybody know upfront that we will use anything from racial profiling to a magic eight ball to root out the enemy and then torture the shit out of them to get what we need. Come clean with it and then even though we may not be a shining light at least we'd be honest.

The longer we play both sides against the middle the longer we will be hated by the world at large which puts us in more danger than anything else.

Thursday, June 4, 2009

JONAH HEX PHOTOS - WHY THEY MAKE ME NERVOUS




So these two photos have been making the rounds and while most nerds can't stop slapping their cocks over them, I'm not that excited. I'm a big Jonah Hex fan, have been since I was a kid. From Weird Western Tales to his own book and even the ill conceived but fun-to-read Hex series that put him in space in the future, I was always on board. He was like The Punisher but cooler because he didn't have super training for incredible weapons, Hex was just pure badass.

The stories were also incredibly dark and sinister with Hex being horribly deformed as well as cold blooded killer. Sure he had a code he lived by but it was a twisted and fucked up thing you could rarely figure out. When it was announced that the cultural vampires in Hollywood were focused on bringing Hex to the screen I was instantly nervous.

Unlike Iron Man or Hulk or Dark Knight, Hex isn't really a hero you root for. You may agree with what he's doing but it's never for heroic reasons. Hex does what he wants when he wants and nobody can even touch him. That's what makes the stories so interesting and him such an iconic character.

I really like Josh Brolin as an actor so I was amped when it was announced he would be playing Hex. However the arrival of these photos bums me out mainly because it looks like Hollywood will be sticking to Script Writing 101 which will not work for Jonah Hex.

Script Writing 101 has a few very steadfast rules that you can't break from if you want your script greenlit. Here are the basics.

1. Your main character can't be completely unlikable

2. There must be romantic involvement no matter how slight

3. The main character must have gone through a journey and changed in some way by the end of the movie.

If you take those 3 rules and apply them to movies you'll see that they almost always are involved in the skeleton of a film script. I think it's a preposterous set of rules and it's why we see a lot of forced romantic scenes in movies that don't need them, or sudden likable elements in a largely unlikable character and then the worst the ending that makes no sense except to show the main character has grown in some way.

What has me thinking these rules will apply to Hex are two fold. First of all the make up for Jonah Hex isn't awful enough, he still has some kind of "handsome" features and there's enough face left to make us remember this is Josh Brolin. That immediately takes away from Hex who is so goddamn ugly in the books people can't even look at him.

Then there's the casting of Megan Fox, who can't act and does nothing more than look good. She's too pretty for that era and casting her means there will be some kind of romantic or sexual tension between her and Brolin. That doesn't work, Hex doesn't involve himself with women in that way. I also worry that because he looks softer and co-stars with Megan Fox that the script will have him start as a bad guy but with a good heart and then end up him doing the right thing and blah blah blah.

If they do that then they're making The Adventures Of Deformed Cowboy Guy...not Jonah Hex.

I could be wrong, so far I'm about 95% when I call these things.

DAVID EDDINGS AND DAVID CARRADINE PASS AWAY











Some sad news in the world of Hollywood and Fiction as author David Eddings and actor David Carradine have both passed away. Eddings apparently of natural causes at the age of 77 while Carradine's death was apparently self-inflicted.

Eddings was best known for his five-part Belgariad and Mallorean sagas. These fantasy books have a devout following and a love that was so strong I often felt bad about missing out on them.

Carradine was found hanging in a closet in Bangkok, Thailand with nylon rope used from the hotel curtains. Carradine was best known for the Kung Fu TV series as well as his role as Bill in Kill Bill. I never really enjoyed Kung Fu and I hated Kill Bill (more because the movie sucked than Carradine) but I loved his portrayal of Woodie Guthrie in "Bound For Glory" as well as his character in Martin Scorsese first film Box Car Bertha.

At this point nothing more is known on Carradine's death though many of his close friends say that suicide was not something Carradine would ever do and that his career was really picking up steam at this point. He was in Thailand to film a movie titled Stretch (no jokes please).

7 REASONS THE ECONOMY SHIT THE BED


Author of "Bailout Nation" Barry Ritholtz has shed some light on a truth I think we all knew deep down, that the economic breakdown on our planet was not an "accident". The media and past and current administrations have tried to pretend that the economic collapse was a "perfect storm" or a sudden convergence of circumstances nobody could have seen coming. Well according to the author and this chart the suffering being felt by working families world wide and the debt we're going in to save companies who did this to themselves was a result of specific programs and policies. Check out the chart to get a better idea of what Ritholtz is talking about.



CLICK TO SEE BIGGER VERSION



I have an interesting view point on the economic collapse that few share with me. While I wish working folks (myself included) were not being subjected to the panic inducing changes that seem to never end in the current economy it has actually given me some peace. I have watched greedy corporations headed by greedy people wreak havoc across the world for years as others have before me. We as a people have no real degree of compassion or caring for our fellow man, not on the scale we need to survive as a species.

Once Obama was elected I then watched as lies about the economy turned to finger pointing. The Democrats keeps using the "see what you guys did" attack and the Republicans have shown that they simply see themselves as the ruling class. They don't care at all about the plight of human suffering they're just pissed they aren't on top anymore because...well...they are the Kings and Queens, they are the ones who were born to rule. How dare we common peasants try to take back the Government "by the people and for the people"?

To make their ideas known Republicans have reduced their party to temper tantrums and completely illogical attempts to show up Obama and strike fear in the hearts of already terrified Americans. All of this gives me peace because I realize now that we are no longer supposed to be here, that the end of our species is not only our own fault but necessary to wipe out a blight on the face of Mother Nature.

We have less of an ability to socialize and prioritize than apes do, so why should we be the top of the food chain simply because we can make things that go BOOM and further even more destruction?

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

SAD NEWS FROM A MUSICAL ICON



STATEMENT FROM EXENE CERVENKA OF X:


After some months of not feeling 100% healthy, I recently had some medical tests run and the prognosis is that I am suffering from Multiple Sclerosis. Apparently, it has been affecting me for quite some time.

Although this is obviously unfortunate news, I am choosing to see the positive in it. I, and X as a band, have supported the Sweet Relief charity since the mid-1990’s; the irony of this is not lost on any of us. Sweet Relief was started as an aide to uninsured artists by musician Victoria Williams when she herself was diagnosed with MS in 1992.

While this diagnosis will most certainly mean some changes for me, personally, it will not affect my commitments to the current X U.S. tour, nor will it affect my solo album that is slated for release this fall on Bloodshot Records.

My focus will certainly be on maintaining my health--many people remain strong and continue to live their lives as productively as they had before an MS diagnosis and I plan to be one of those people.


To find out more about Sweet Relief please visit: www.sweetrelief.org

To find out more about X please visit: www.xtheband.com



I just got this email and I'm wicked bummed about it. I love the band X and I've always loved Exene Cervenka's vocal style. I wish her all the best and my most positive thoughts go out to her.

TOP TEN LIES TOLD TO ALL OF US



We all get lied to, pretty much every day by everybody. From the tiny white lies to save a person's feelings to the giant ones to make sure we stay out of trouble, lies are almost as important as rationalizations in keeping people sane. However as I get older the lies get harder to believe and my ability to fight the quicksand of being jaded I sink further and further. It's with that noble idea I present the Top Ten Lies Told To All Of Us. These aren't in any real order since they all kind of suck.

1. It's What's On The Inside That Counts: Along with "Beauty Is Skin Deep" this is one of the biggest lies ever told. I think our society has largely proven that the only thing anybody focuses on is what you look like. I don't seem to recall many "Awesome Personality" magazines out there or People doing the "Top Ten Hottest Beach Sweethearts" section. People who are good looking, be they scum of the Earth or not, pretty much get everything handed to them. Look at most of the really attractive actors and actresses who suck but continue to get work. Megan Fox anybody?


2. Government By The People, For The People: Yeah I think we all know what a crock of shit this is. Our Government was bought and paid for a long time ago by Corporations and foreign interests. Want proof? Look at where we are now, look at all the hardship going around to working people, families and plain old normal folks. Government isn't doing anything but playing politics and bailing out industries. Lobbyists, special interest groups and plain old greed burned down, demolished and soiled over any basic ideas of what our Government once stood for long ago.

3. America Was Built On Freedom Of Speech: Hmmm, really? You honestly believe that? Then try and stand in a public square and talk about pedophilia or being a proud racist. You'll be beaten down within minutes or at least have people throwing things at you. People only believe in Freedom Of Speech as long as it doesn't bother or inconvenience them, then they hate it.

I don't agree with what the above would say but I wouldn't shoot them for saying it. Try giving a different opinion in a grocery store about how our Government helped move along what resulted in 9/11, I hope you can box. Plus if you think our Government hasn't tried to shut down, vanish or make life difficult for the outspoken who garner a real following, you're fooling yourself.

4. Money Can't Buy Happiness: Only said by people with money and besides even if it can't buy happiness it can make an unhappy life way less difficult. I don't see too many people barely able to feed and clothe themselves sprouting this fortune cookie bullshit. Walk up to somebody from GM and say "Hey well, money can't buy happiness" and wait to see how long you keep your front teeth.

5. Love Will Conquer All: Yeah, sorry hippies that just ain't how it is. Live long enough on this hell planet and you'll learn that Love Ain't Enough is usually how it works out. Try expressing your love when the rent is due or somebody is going to jack you for your cash or a guy walks into a building with explosives tied to his chest. See how long "Love" wins out then.

6. Money Is The Root Of All Evil: No, PEOPLE are the root of all evil. You let money sit there and it does nothing but maybe blow around. Money never whispered into anybody's ear to kill people or sell millions down the river for profit. WE are the root of all evil, it's just easier to shine the spotlight on money.

7. Workers Rights: Workers have the right to bust their asses for shit pay and then get laid off after the mistakes of the bosses screw things up so badly the company is fucked. Workers have the right to leave their fate in the hands of corrupt Union Heads and to be shouldered with every tax burden imaginable when the Government overspends and is staring down the double barrel shotgun of deficit.

8. God Is All Forgiving: Then explain Hell to me?

9. Karma: Karma is not just a lie but a really stupid ideology that tries to explain coincidence and bad luck. Bad things happen to good people all the time and really awful bottom feeding humans get lucky breaks constantly. There is no great energy loop that evens things out, it just doesn't work that way. If it did all those who exploit the weak to make a profit would be dead or broke or something. They're not and to say Karma Takes Awhile is just spreading the blinders to encompass your whole head

10. You Vote Counts: Do I even need to express how stupid this idea is. My vote didn't count when Bush ran and if you really look at Government most laws, taxes and other such things are handled without the voters at all. Plus usually once you vote a guy in office he works for himself, not you.

OK, enough sunshine from me, I'm off to get an iced coffee.

PREVIEW FOR SKAAR SON OF HULK #11



For those of you who aren't reading Skaar: Son Of Hulk (you're missing out) here is a little preview that might wet your appetite for buying some back issues. Essentially Skaar started out at Conan In Space and it kicked a lot of ass. Now massively talented comic scribe Greg Pak has focused on a new adventure for Skaar. He's here on Earth and out to throw down with daddy!!

Check out the preview: SKAAR SON OF HULK #11

AC/DC & METALLICA KICKS



One of the worst things about getting old is that you can't do the things you once could. My flat ass old man feet can't hold strong when wearing skate shoes so I'll have to miss out on these even though I'd love the AC/DC ones. Metallica wise I can't be part of anything that lines Uber Douche Lars Ulrich's pockets, plus I was never a pushead fan...yeah I know, fucking sue me. So here are the rest of the Metallica and AC/DC sneakers for you to dig on.




THE OCEAN'S 11 I WOULD ACTUALLY HAVE ENJOYED