Friday, March 26, 2010
Paranormal Activity Has A Director--Sound The Who Cares Alarm NOW
Ah nothing like returning to your old stomping ground with news about something you fucking can't stand. If there were some of you out there that were curious exactly who it was that walked out of Paranormal Activity feeling like he'd been violated by a trusting Priest then look no further. Part of it was my own damn fault, I believed the hype, I let my fucking guard down and believed that just maybe all that shady green infrared camera stuff was right on the money. Alas, like love and Santa Clause and life being remotely fair I was sadly disappointed. Paranormal Activity was the most boring hunk of shit I have seen in a long, long time. Nothing happened, NOTHING NOTHING NOOOOOOTHING. A chick stood up sometimes, stared at her boyfriend for thirty hours, then sliced him up. It was like Blair Witch but with less going on.
However the sheep of the world flocked to it (like that, how I brought it all together) and it made an assload of money for the greedy slime in Hollywood. Having done that it of course rated a sequel. Rumors had been flying around that maybe Brian DePalma or some other name director might step up and take his shot with the movie. I guess DePalma and the other folks on the short list came to their goddamn senses and ran screaming into the night like the possessed bitch in the movie. With nobody of any ability left and film students still tied up with finals the oozing puss filled sores over in Hollywood have hired Tod "Kip" Williams to direct.
Who is that? Oh come ON everybody he directed the Hole In The Floor or the Door In The Wall or the Escape Hatch Just To One Side Of The Guest Bathroom...I dunno, some fucking thing. Anyway, he's directing it and so everybody can sit and scream at shit that doesn't happen.