Tuesday, March 30, 2010

M. Night Shamalamadingdong sucks.....here's proof

Google M. Night, every single photo of him he looks like frat boy douche bag.

So let's be very clear on all the facts going into this whole Last Airbender movie. I am not now nor have I ever been a fan of M. Night Shyamalan. I don't understand why people enjoy his films, I find him personally to be a pretentious fop with one trick he does over and over again. Want proof? Okay let's break down his movies:

Sixth Sense: Predictable with holes in the plot you could drive a fucking truck through.

Unbreakable: Or as I call it unbearable. A long, tedious movie that managed to make me not want to like comic books. I was also in love with how the guy who couldn't walk downstairs without breaking his bones orchestrated a train wreck and a mudslide.

Signs: My personal favorite was how the incredibly advanced race of aliens, able to avoid detection when they landed in a cornfield, never figured out that 80% of our planet was acid to them. Um during their extensive silent invasion it never rained?

The Village: Adults keep kids in the middle of a game preserve and pretend its the colonial period. Then the send the blind girl to get medicine from outside the walls after telling her the mystical wolf creatures are just cool costumes. When a security guard sees this colonial girl climbing over the wall he doesn't tell anybody because his boss says it's a "good job". What horeshit.

Lady In The Water: The only watchable film he ever made and it still sucks.

The Happening: One of the worst films ever shot, with acting so bad I was waiting to be told it was a big joke. Indescribably bad. Plants plan and execute a mass assassination. Fuck you.

That brings us to The Last Airbender. I am a huge, huge, huge fan of the Avatar series (they had to drop the name because Big Bad Dickhead James Cameron threatened to sue) and a live action version never sat right with me. So far I'm only amped on the special effects because A. Most of the cast of the fantasy film set in Asia are white, B. The Last Airbender talks like a gay man with emphysema and C. The character of Uncle is too young. Here's the new Japanese trailer, you tell me:

Looks cool but the jury is still out on it. However this little nugget surfaced today, a quote for M. Night Shamalamadingdong that might explain why he sucks so badly. Here's what he had to say about Twilight:

"I love the [Twilight] series, and Catherine's movie, it was one of my favorite movies of that year," he said. "Really, I thought tonally, it was a perfect movie. I called her up after I saw 'Twilight' and was like 'That was amazing.' So I'm a big fan."

That statement is scary and not just because i'm not a wet panty 16 year old girl so I don't "get" Twilight. Outside of how lame the material was the film itself was forty minutes too long and the acting featured two spoiled shits who won the genetic lottery walking around whispering with expressions on their faces like they had heartburn or really bad gas. This is Shamalamadingdong's idea of a perfect movie? I can only hope he's trying to suck enough cock to guarantee he can direct one of the Twilight movies incase Airbender shits the bed.

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