Wednesday, May 27, 2009


You know what's awesome? When something like this just writes itself. To be really honest I wouldn't need to write anything I could just have a shitload of arrows pointing this picture of Criss Angel and that would do the trick. This guy oozes DOUCHE, I mean he really oozes it. It's no wonder he can escape tight ropes and handcuffs because he's layered up with so much Douche Oooze he slides right out.

For those who are blissfully unaware Criss Angel is a "Magician" who takes himself entirely too seriously. For instance he did a Nu-Metal song with Sully Erna from Godsmack without a hint of irony. If that doesn't show a complete lack of what is funny I don't know what does.

Angel is that guy who hung out outside the Circle K Deli doing whippits and blasting Motley Crue until one day somebody played him Tool and it changed his life. Suddenly he wanted to be artistic in a really mall hero kind of way. I'm sure after his first Tool concert he took to wearing a 3/4 length black wool coat and nail polish. He sat alone and really played up the rebel role.

Angel's magic tricks might be kind of cool if he wasn't the most pretentious fucking douche bag you have ever seen. This guy wears lots of chains with mystical symbols, he has bad tattoos and likes to burn candles and use gothic imagery to show how "underground" he is. For anybody with any kind of understanding about the Universe he is a laughable punch line you want to vomit on. Imagine a way less interesting Dave Navarro who does magic tricks instead of plays guitar. It's that level of DOUCHERY.

Recently his magic show bit the dust and word has it his big Cirque De Soleil performance was a bust. I guess it's back to the strip clubs and high school dances to troll for "babes" and try to remain a hero in somebody's eyes.

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