Monday, October 26, 2009


What you're looking at my friends is the new A-Team from the upcoming unnecessary movie version of a TV show that, to be honest, really kinda sucked ass. Let's forget about how dumb this whole idea is and just drink in this photo of the new A-Team. Seriously, just view it for a few seconds and let it flow over you. Now let's chat a bit about how totally incredibly fucking stupid this casting is.

HANNIBAL SMITH: Liam Neeson as Hannibal Smith? Seriously? I mean really, all jokes aside, seriously? What the fuck is this about? It's like Deniro and Pacino signing on for Weekend At Bernie's 3 or Daniel Day Lewis deciding to play The Greatest American Hero. I can only figure Neeson has a balloon payment due on a house or is in need of quick cash to keep a teenage girl with a suspicious pregnancy quiet for the rest of her life. Whatever it is I can't believe he's in this movie. Let's not forget that Hannibal is a macho idiot tough guy, I just don't see Neeson being able to pull that off.

Without even trying Neeson will give Hannibal some degree of subtly, some depth of character that makes it instantly feel like it's Ralph Fiennes up there playing a lame TV character. Try to imagine Neeson saying "I love it when a plan comes together"...yeah not at all.

HOWLING MAD MURDOCK: This pivotal part to the complex and layered story arcs around the A Team will be played by Sharlto Copley (District 9). I can only assume here that the filmmakers are going for some kind of tech-over-nutbag vibe for Murdock because Copley just doesn't seem to be truly crazy to me. If he plays it I figure it'll be like when he tried to play "nuts" in District 9. I'm also curious on why all the European actors to play parts in a TV show as all American as fake wars and apple pie.

It's not that ole Sharlto isn't a quality actor but he's not Howling Mad Murdock on any level. Personally I think that the A Team should have been a big slapstick comedy or a spoof, not some serious action film. I guess casting Fiennes and Sharlto is the filmmakers way of legitimizing it.

BA BARACUS: While UFC fighter Rampage Jackson definitely brings the toughness for BA Baracus he completely lacks the lovable quality. Mr. T was tough and could beat people's ass but he was also the kind of guy who hang out with little kids and smile when nobody was looking. Jackson looks like he'd eat little kids and only really smile once he'd gotten somebody to tap out. He also doesn't have the gold chains and that was part of the mystique of BA Baracus. Here's a guy on the run from the US Government and yet he manages to hold on to hundreds of various kinds of gold jewelry.

There's also the whole "afraid to fly" aspect of the old show. I don't think Jackson is afraid of anything much less flying. Not to mention if the rest of the team drugged Jackson and fooled him into going onto a plane as they did in the original show with Mr. T he'd just kill them all. Mr. T was tough but fun, Jackson is just mean and pissed off looking.

The only person who works here is Bradly Cooper as Face because Cooper seems like a slimy dirtbag and that's who Face was down deep. The only thing I am hoping is that in the movie people actually die. One of my biggest issues with the A Team show is that thousands of rounds of ammunition would be fired off and NOBODY ever got shot ever. Nobody died, nothing. I'm also curious to see how the handle the traditional A Team part where the music played and the team took scrapes of metal, q-tips, pencils and a pack of batteries and built a tank. Of course all of these questions can be answered when it comes out on DVD because these fools will not be getting my parents hard earned money!!

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